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This weekend at the mall I experienced an interesting conversation, that I was unwillingly a participant in. I was off shopping at Dillard’s (incidentally that was the place I lost my wallet) trying on high heels. I was going back and forth between several tables gathering all the shoes I was semi-interested in to hand over to customer service to go get.
As I was passing, a young black girl about the age of 20 and two of her friends, were loudly complaining about shoes. Then she said something I have never heard before:
“Not having a size 10 in these shoes is Racist. This shoe is racist. You dont have enough in my size and thats racist.”
I looked up at her.
She looked back at me and said “Yeah, I said it.”
Listen, I’m not looking at you because you think not having enough athletic shoes in your size is racist, I’m looking at you because your being an ass in the middle of a department store.
And that, my dear, is not racist.
~Trisha
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@ Nina@Playground for Parents:
What Nina said. I think she was probably confusing the concepts of the words “racist” and “discriminatory.”
Hey there!
I’m coming over from MyBrownBaby, a blog that talks about motherhood but filtered through a distinctly Moms of Color lens. Today I ran a post asking my audience who’s in their blog “tribe,” and inviting them to check out a few of my favorite sites. The blog was inspired by a question I asked during a panel at BlogHer 09, about divisiveness and segregation on the internet. Teresha left a comment for me at MyBrownBaby telling me about the ongoing discussion here, and I came over to check it out.
I have to tell you that I make a point of visiting blogs that are interesting, well written, thought-provoking and smart; we don’t have to agree on everything, but what I do want is some sort of connection—and an acknowledgment that even though we may not agree on everything, at the most basic level, we are human and way more alike than different.
Still, I also want to know that you give a darn about my circumstances, that you can see my point of view—or at least that you care about it. If this is not readily apparent on the blogs I choose to visit, I’m not really going to come back.
To that end, I think Teresha has a point. If I’m a mom of color making my first visit here, I’m going to be a little taken aback by the fact that the only two posts that seem to speak directly to race are kinda calling black women out. Granted, the idiot in the shoe store was a fool and deserved to be called out, but in the context of posts that specifically mention race, these are the only two you have. A casual observer who is a mom of color might assume from reading those two posts that this isn’t the most comfortable place for her to spend her time.
That’s not to say that you have become all Malcolm X in order to attract black moms to your site. But sites that really take the time to get the diversity thing right will likely attract moms of color who will keep coming back for more. How do they do this? By including pictures of moms of color in their illustrations. Occasionally featuring products that are specifically for moms of color (make-up colors, hair products, products made specifically by moms of color or that foster diversity—for everyone). By having a diverse staff of writers. By writing posts that give firm opinions on incidents that are colored by race (commenting on that Philadelphia pool incident would have been a good way to show you’re paying attention to the issues we’re following and have something constructive to say about them).
Basically, if you want moms of color to come, you have to show that you actually want them there. And that won’t happen just by questioning where all the black moms are.
But you know what? I like this site. And I’m going to make a point of visiting and commenting and participating, simply because you bothered to ask me to. In my book, that’s a great start. See you around!
Somehow i missed this post!
Anyway, I wear a size 10….I rarely find anything in my size or if I do, it’s rarely cute.
I’m white. Does that mean, by this young woman’s thinking, that shoe companies/department stores are racist against the SIZE of our feet or the color of our feet?
I am confused. Who knew my poor giant feet were being discriminated against.
(i don’t care if you’re purple with pink polka dots, you can’t hide stupid)
This won’t be the last time any of us will hear a teenager or young adult misuse a word/concept. Perhaps she meant “discriminatory” – as in, the store or shoe was discriminating against her and her big feet for not selling size 10.
Size 8 is more popular and will make the store more money – they are the shoe “majority.”
Thanks to my baby, I wear a size 10.5 (I refuse to say 11), so I feel the frustration. I’m just mature enough to know it’s not b/c the shoe is racist. Oh yea, and I’m African American.
I will never forget being in a shoe store when I was in my 20’s, and asking the clerk for 3 different pairs of shoes. His response: “Can you even buy all those shoes?” Now THAT, my friend, is racist used in the correct context. And I’m not referring to the shoe.
@ Trisha-admin:
My goal isn’t to stop you from talking about race or your experiences that happen to involve race. No one should be offended if you discuss a real life encounter. All I am asking is that you think about how it might be interpreted. If you see nothing weird, then okay. really. I’m okay if you gave it some thought and reached that conclusion. And, heck girl, I’m not going anywhere!
p.s. I don’t believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason, whether we see it or not. For example, your two posts got me out of hiding and engaged on MomDot!
@ Teresha:
Its simply a coincidence that I wanted to know where all the black mom bloggers are and this situation. I could have no way predicted this situation at the mall this week, but it was so out of ordinary that I wanted to talk about it.
I would think that mentioning race at all shouldnt be something that we should bar at all…it should be openly talked about without offense unless I was doing something extremely offensive. I think that someone in the other post pointed out that my sentiments were actually shared by another blogger recently, so I am not the only one that took notice. I am just probably one of the few that mention it.
Nonetheless, even if something comes up 45 times in a row and I want to blog it, I hope I can blog without fear of being ostracized or something “wierd” is going on.
While the situations have ‘race’ in common, they are separate subjects entirely…one simply based on an observation and one based on an experience.
There is really nothing more to it than that.
Just an FYI- “Black Mom Bloggers” are everywhere but we happen to blog about motherhood and family in general rather than the fact that we are “black”. Don’t let our complete sentences fool you.The fact that one does not label herself as black or non-white should not lead you to assume that she is white. Ask yourself this-are you blogging as a white mother or as a mother?
The girl in your post was clearly wrong and I can’t argue against that-but I know plenty of stories of “white” people acting an ass as well. Black people are not alone in having dumb asses in their race, trust me, and if I told you some of those stories, I’m pretty sure that I would never mention the person’s race because it doesn’t matter. In Fact, your story would have been funnier had you left that part out completely.
trust me, we are equal opportunity when we pick on people around here. Ask the blogosphere. I’m the black sheep. Or white sheep? Ok, that wasn’t funny.
In this story, we mentioned race because it was ABOUT race, kwim?
@ Trisha-admin:
Trisha. I was not offended by your post about the Black girl and her silly comment about the shoes being racist. For the record, if I were there I would have given her a crazy look too. I might have even pulled her aside and tell her she was wrong for making such an outlandish statement and explain to her that it only serves to diminish credibility when real racism occurs.
You are right, it’s your blog. You can post what you want. But you asked where all the black women were on this site and, as one, I am pointing out that your last two posts about black females have been 1: to question why we self-segregate and 2: to ridicule one for her inability to express frustration over a lack of options for her big feet without pulling the race card.
It just comes across weird, no? I’m just trying to get you to walk in our shoes (no pun intended) and see things from the other side.
Please believe that I am not upset at you, just wanting to get a real convo going. So, don’t take what I’ve said as a personal attack. I consider you a worthy adversary in verbal sparring match…fiercely opinionated, vocal and smart. Keep it coming. we might just crack this nut.
@ Teresha:
I wasn’t posting a post about “black people behaving badly”.. I am posting a post about a crazy situation regarding race and what she was saying in a public mall….this is a blog, i just report my life, I dont make it up.
If someone is offended because OF the girls race, then that is just plain ignorant. However, since this woman was complaining ABOUT race, it was relevant to add her race into the story. If a white or hispanic or asian woman was doing the same thing, I would be reporting the same scenario because it was outrageous.
I am not a news reporter talking about current events or political standpoints. I hardly ever touch on celebrity news, iraq, afghanistan and that stupid health care reform bill I don’t agree with.
If i had been AT the pool and had an opinion of some boys being kicked out, I would be posting it but if you are suggesting I should have a “race” balance on my blog because I posted an experience, I would consider that part of the problem, not the solution.
In my opinion, this post pretty much answers the question of why there are few active black mommy bloggers on MomDot. If I were a first-time visitor of color, seeing this would give me pause. Before you go thinking that I am implying that you shouldn’t post an article about Black people behaving badly, that isn’t what I am saying. I shook my head at the young lady’s inappropriate comment (and laughed a little too at her obvious immaturity). But what I am getting at is balance…
This is the strangest thing you have ever heard JoeyfromSC? Really?!
What about those Black kids getting kicked out of the pool at that country club in Pennsylvania (in freakin 2009!)? Where is the post and comments of outrage over that? I have been wanting to discuss what happened in a multi-racial forum, but the only bloggers who seem to discussing it are ones with black or biracial families. That incident should be of concern to ALL mommy bloggers.
Callin’ it like it is. I love that about you.
Oh yeah and my brother wears a size 14!! haha
He has a hard time finding any stores to carry shoes that fit him, so he ends up ordering online usually!
uh wow. I’m pretty much speechless.
Oh man! Wow!
Now that’s just plain weird!
I hate shopping for shoes in department stores. They never have my size 11! I think they are just prejudice against us fat girls!
idiots.
That so reminds me of when I was working at the mall as security. I don’t know how many times when catching a shoplifter I’d get “You just racist!” Um dude, I just caught your WHITE friend with you.
Grow up.
I’d hate to tell her, but even white folk have issues finding bigger shoe sizes. I have a relative that has size 11s and she can never find shoes she likes.
Racist shoes – love it
well, major dept stores must also be racist to Asians & others with small feet then, because I can’t EVER find shoes below a size 6 in the Women’s section… they just smile and send me up to the kids shoes dept. Not that I’m Asian, but most of my friends with small feet are.
The idiocy of people when they don’t realize that stores carry what will ACTUALLY SELL IN LARGE QUANTITIES because they can’t afford to order in larger/smaller sized on the chance that someone can wear them and may buy them.
ugh.
That’s just friggin’ ignorant.
haha! that’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard!!
I love how you speak your mind!! lol