Ask The Mom

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It’s Friday again, time to answers your questions and offer advice–my unprofessional-run of the mill–2 cents worth. Enjoy!

What would you say to a 14 yo who is ‘in love’ with someone they have never met but talks to on the phone ALL THE TIME? She met the guy on the internet at dad’s house, talks to him at dad’s house, etc. (get the idea? More freedom at dad’s house)

Hmm…first I would say BE CAREFUL! I have heard too many scary/sick stories about MEN posing as young boys to meet young girls online. It’s such a slippery slope. Talk to her father, find out what sites she’s on and if possible more info on the ‘boy.’ Is he local? Are they planning on meeting up? Talk to your daughter, keep the lines of communication open and fill her in on some basic safety rules before she takes the next step to meeting him, in which I would definitely be there (or close by).

On a different path, if you’re concerned she’s focused too much on the computer or boys in general, get her involved in an extra-curricular activity. Zone in on some of her interests (sports? art? music?)and offer some alternatives to focus on. She is still very young to be dating or focused solely on boys, hopefully expressing this to her father as well open his eyes a bit too.

What are you going to be for Halloween? I recently heard that Preparation H is good for dark circles and eye puffiness, so with that on my face, I’ll be a hemmorhoid.

My teen daughter is too focused on her weight and she is very thin. How can I get her to eat well and not obsess over this? Damn the media and it’s focus on thinness! Ask your daughter what makes her feel this way. It could be peer pressure or someone making a comment. In that case, talk to her about nutrition and being healthy. Also, go to the library and find some books on eating disorders. Let her know that not eating properly or obsessing over weight can lead to serious health problems. I’m not saying, scare her, but inform her. Eating in moderation, with exercise will keep you fit and healthy.

What happened to my toddler? She used to sleep through the night and now she wakes constantly begging for her bottle! Milestones I think! Are you potty training? Did you take down the crib? Has she stopped napping? All thse things happened all at once for my toddler and her sleeping pattern has been affected. Kids tend to rebel to change (duh! adults too!) and something has to give. Sleeping in this case. Try to stick to a routine, maybe instead of a bottle of milk, try watering it down progressively and hopefully she’ll stop asking for it at night. Night terrors also happen in the toddler years. If she is waking crying or scared, get a night light. Let your child know you are there for them, but remind them it is time to sleep and not for waking/drinking a bottle/playing/or crying.

How long have you been married? 12 years and forever to go.

What’s challenges you as a blogger? There are a few challenges. Time, of course. Also, commenting…goes with time. But, I think one big challenge is the anticipation I get when I put down my words. I immediately think, are people judging me? Probably. They may not always say so but i’m sure they do. Then I think, am I going to offend someone? Maybe I will. I have always said that I blog for me, my therapy, and for my own personal online scrapbook, but because it’s a public forum, i’ll always be a bit concerned as a writer.

What’s you favorite thing about blogging? I’m a people person. They fascinate me. I love reading about others and living vicariously through their written journeys. I find so many women online that I can say, “she would totally be my friend IRL (in real life)” and that’s so cool.

What is a blogging compulsion you have? I am not normally a perfectionist, but I change my header and layout constantly because I want it to look just right. I’m glad I can make my own buttons and headers so that I don’t offend layout makers. I don’t think i’ll ever think it’s perfect….but I really should be okay with that.

Do you miss not working? Have you been peeking into my brain? LOL. Every year at the beginning of school I get emotional. I was only a teacher for a few years before my oldest was born, but that was the thing that I had worked toward, it was my job, my big-girl accomplishment. I loved teaching. I’ve never stopped, I just don’t get paid for it anymore. With the economy like it is, I miss having a regular paycheck. But, there would be no benefit in working outside the home for me. I’d have to give all my check to daycare and I wouldn’t have had the time with my kids. I may work part-time or substitute when my baby goes to school, but I’m not sure.

What’s the best way to suggest to someone they need mental health help? Are you trying to tell me something? Seriously, that is really hard. A major step in realizing you need help is to believe you can be helped. So many people have a self-defeating attitude and tell themselves, “i’m uncurable” or “no one can fix me, this is the way I am.” It isn’t true, counseling, therapy, and medications work, the right prescription can be made. Now, how do you get a person to realize this? Anonymously sign up online for literature on treatments for anxiety or depression, have it mailed to your friend/co-worker/relative. If you personally have experience, voice it, let that person know subtly how far you’ve come with treatment. I hope they can take the hints.

Need advice? Curious about me, blogging, or how I manage 3 kids (earplugs)? Email me at themomjen[at]gmail[dot]com and check here every Friday for the answers!

Also read more about me and my own issues at Cheaper Than Therapy-Musings of a Mom of 3.

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