The forum on MomDot started talking about birthday parties for kids. You know you have seen them…kids that invite 50 people to the gymnastics studio, full out ChuckECheese (*throwup*) parties, and even MTV has made an entire series on 16 year olds that get BMWs and 100K parties to celebrate their birthdays. *sidebar: I drove a 1978 Chevy Chevette-HATCHBACK* When I was 16, I got my drivers license and went to the movies and saw Maverick. I think its nice to do something special for your kids, but how much, is too much?
When Charlotte turned one, my DH was in Afghanistan and my family lived 10 hours away. I put a little cake on her high chair and let her go to town on the chocolate. That was our party. Her and I and cake. The hardest part was getting her to the bathroom and into the tub without too much chocolate on the walls from her tiny hands. I still remember how hysterical it was.
When she turned 2, we had some neighbors over, let her pick out her own cake, and had a Happy Feet at home bash. We lived in Ohio and her birthday was in January, so no outside for us! When she turned three, it was so insignificant, I cant even REMEMBER what we did. I know it was about 2 weeks after we had a fire in our home, so I can imagine it was spent in TLF, but thats all I remember.
Now, in january, she will turn 4. She goes to school, so she does have a few friends now, and we have some neighborhood kids we will invite over, but I just feel no inherent need to go out and spent $500 on my 4 year olds birthday.
My neighbor, whom I will say right now is totally nice, came over and gave us a birthday invite for their 1 year old this past week. Its a circus theme and they are having clowns, a magic show, and three PONIES they will be parading up and down the street. Now how do I not feel inadequate after all of that over a 1 year old? Charlotte’s going to start telling people we are not her real parents and we don’t love her if this is what we have to look forward to our whole lives in comparison.
Am I doing the wrong thing? Homemaking a cake, opening some presents, and celebrating my daughter with the ones that love her the most…or should I be sucking it up, bring her out to something much cooler then moms backyard.
Thoughts?
~Trisha
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I think parents nowadays are training their children to be little midget materialists. I was a child not too long ago, and somehow I survived even knowing that my parents couldn’t afford all the things my friends had. What I DID get was the knowledge that I was loved and cared for, and a sense of what is truly necessary/important in life.
That having been said, not every kid is like that. Some kids really do need to be similar to everyone else in order to feel good about themselves (read: my sister) and the parent has to know their child really well. As my baby gets a little older, I think the level of materialism in a given community will greatly affect where we choose to permanently live.
My son just turned two, and by today’s standards he had probably the lamest birthday party of any child his age. The attendees were just my husband, me, our dog (and of course, our son). The cake was homemade, the party decorations were a few balloons (that we blew up ourselves) and ribbons twirled around from the ceiling. No theme, no dozens of gifts to open, no ponies or circus clowns, but he really seemed to enjoy it. We sang songs, he blew out the candles, and chowed down on his chocolate cake and ice cream. Afterwards, he opened his one gift, and it was off to get ready for bed.
I agree with AmandaG, you can give and give, but they need to be taught to appreciate.
We work hard on that one with Aiden. If he starts getting out of control, he gets cut off and things get taken away. He learned a lesson last weekend when we gave him his birthday bike and he kinda got sour that there were no more presents cause he wanted his party at the same time too. The brand new 5 min old bike was taken away until he could accept it properly.
It takes work, they all have to learn, but hopefully as they grow they will appreciate and not come to expect it.
I agree Trisha. We’re “evil” parents because yes, we have a PS2, a Wii, a Xbox360, and a Gameboy, and you know what my son is allowed to play? His Leapster. As a special treat, we play bowling as a family on the Wii. It’s nice in the winter, but it’s definitely not an every day or even an every week sort of thing.
I won’t sit here and say my kids aren’t spoiled though. They are. But, I will not tolerate them being brats about it. I think you can strike a balance between the 2 things. I was spoiled growing up, but I was also taught that I need to work for the things I want, to respect others, and other basic moral values. I’ve seen the sense of entitlement and it’s appalling to me.
Michelle, i think ALL of its too much. The video games, the run of the tv and 19 kids channels, the “i want” and get theory, they have golf carts for KIDS. When I was a kid, nintendo was like having a flat screen tv. I had a bike. And barbies…and oh, no, i didnt get to buy new clothes, i had to sew them for my barbies. LOL!!
I am an avid reader cause there was no tv in my room and i wasnt allowed to watch what my parents were watching, mtv was banned and i was required to go to college. I think that there is just too, too much as a society and then we wonder what happens.
I threw my daughter a BIG 1st bday party and like Renee said, it was more of a “YEAH we made it through the 1st year!” kinda thing…on average, we spend $400.00 per party whether we try to throw a “small” party or not- we have latin families and they always make everything HUGE! lol So really just food, drinks, cake and tables and chairs cost a butt load of money!!
Those Sweet 16 parties on MTV are OOC(out of control)
I definitely think people are over-the-top right now. In May we had my daughter’s first birthday party, and I think we overdid it, to be honest. There were no performers, no ponies, nothing–but we had a ton of people and probably a little too much food. My in-laws and parents generously brought most of it, so it wasn’t that expensive to US, and it did provide an awesome gathering for our family and friends. Also, to be more eco-friendly, we used glass plates, glasses, and actual flatware rather than paper and plastic. It made it seem fancier, but that’s really not what we were after. Next year, I think we’ll invite 4-5 of Suzi’s friends and their parents over. She really doesn’t have that many friends yet, so it should be small.
I watch Super Sweet 16 sometimes and I have to say, it kind of hurts my feelings when a girl’s daddy pays $50,000 just for a famous MUSICIAN, and then I realize that the money they paid for her party, not including the BMW, could pay off our entire mortgage. Just imagine the good that could be done if those girls had a party at home and donated the money they would’ve spent to help others who really need it.
I think the first birthday party is really for the parents a way to exhale after making it thru the first year. We all know the baby is not going to remember. I read many parenting books that suggest you double your child’s age to determine the number of children to invite to a party.
I think that is a good rule of thumb. When you set a precedent for opulence in birthday parties that becomes an expectation and puts unneeded pressure on parents. But at the end of the day parents decide what is best for their child.
Although I do have to say I think the Super Sweet 16 show is outlandish.
Trish
I think spoiling stems from tons more than just birthday parties. What about all the toys, activities, and shows? Today’s generation has things even us, one generation back would never have had – digital cameras, computers, and handheld video games targeted at three and four year olds. Preschool kids going to see High School Musical – my parents would never have allowed this until I was IN high school. In our town we have dozens of live shows such as My Little Ponies or Sesame Street to take the kids to as well as countless facilities like Chuck E Cheese or bounce houses. There is extravagance everywhere you turn.
None of this in itself is bad.
I think the spoiling comes into play when the parents don’t balance that out. They give and give freely without expecting any age appropriate responsiblities (and sometimes even respect) from their kids. They don’t teach their kids to give back or to help others in need. They become self-focused and these are the kids that are going to believe that they should be making VP salaries overnight w/ a degree. Not someone who merely had ponies at their parties.
Stepping off my soap box now – LOL!
i have two kids that have birthdays right before and right after Christmas, so i’m pretty well strapped during this time. They get small stuff for their birthdays. They are still young enough to not know what exactly is going on. And my oldest DD’s birthday is just 3 days before Christmas, so I’m sure when she gets older, we will just combine all her stuff together. They haven’t even had a birthday party bc i just can’t afford it. So we just do a cake at home and open presents. my baby’s birthday is right around Easter, so you see a trend here? ALthough for her 1st birthday we had a party and decorations and a special made cake. It wont be like that for her 2nd birthday tho. We’ll so something smaller.
We try not to spend very much on parties. With 3 kids, it really gets expensive. I wish we had summer birthdays – I have a friend with a son whose birthday is in July and she just invites a ton of friends and family to a park and everyone runs around and has a blast. With our kids’ birthdays in late November, January and early April though, we have to do indoor parties. I get tired of having to clean my house before and afterward every time (plus we have houseguests for every party since one of my close friends lives out of town), so we do try to find cheap alternatives if we can. But it’s always a struggle.