thankless_logoDoesn’t it feel like that sometimes?

Its funny because before I was in forums, businesses, and blogs, I did resumes. I was just telling a friend today that I was the resume queen. I wrote resumes for everyone I knew. As a result for not finding a job for about 6 months when I first got out of college, I learned how to write a resume that got an interview. In fact, I have never written a resume for someone that didn’t land them a job. That earned me a pretty good reputation, so friends of friends of friends were always asking me for ‘help’. That help probably ate up 100 hours in my life and I did it all for free.

Then when I was pregnant, I went to the online world. I started a forum and was a part of a group of girls, or rather many many groups of girls, for years.  I ran a forum and projects, and gift exchanges, and trips, and birthday celebrations, and topics, and….get the point? And I, for the most part, think mommy forums are a breeding ground for gossip and a place for grown up girls to be mean. You have no idea how grateful I am to not be in that cliquey crap any more.

Then I had an online business, it got into 28 stores in under three months. I had so much business, that I had to quite selling to stores and pull out of the children’s markets. As a result of that business, I started meeting a lot of online mom business owners and ended up helping them to SEO their sites, set up their meta tags, help with their site names, give them ideas on how to branch out…yep, all for free.

While opening my business, I discovered blogging. I started with two blogs, one was a personal blog that I brought in about 5 other girls to help out, but wasn’t quite like MomDot and one was a business blog, which I shared store business ideas, marketing, and more. Then I realized I have 4 things going on, I need to streamline. So I scrapped my other two blogs and opened momdot, trying to combine business and personal.

From MomDot, I have become involved in other projects, including reviews and working with reviewers, PR reps, pitches, business advice, blogging advice, blogging connections, and etc and etc.

And you know what? Im lonely. Its lonely to have a blog. Blogging is the most narcissistic thing in the world…you are writing and want someone to listen to you. You would think it would be the perfect fit, I love to talk about myself. But I also want real life connections. Its so hard because I sit here all day working and social networking (probably 45-50 hours a week) and then I have to work my online company at night, and that takes 30 hours a week as well (or more).

I never stop.

And all the while… I never see anyone. Maybe thats why the webcam was so fun. To actually talk to people face to face…

But do you ever feel like why am I doing all this? You know, I hear girls a lot frustrated regarding comments on their blog. I can completely understand. There is nothing worse then feeling like you are talking to yourself. To all those girls, I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter because we are both in the same position. We are both sitting here at the computer, most likely alone or with our kids, and we both are just talking to ourselves hoping someone, anyone, is listening.

And isn’t it kinda funny that we blog to connect, but perhaps online communities are keeping us from making real life communities? Its easier for me to be online, in PJs and eating a chocolate bar, then it is for me to go out and get dressed, and put on makeup, and meet up with someone I may, or may not, click with. And I enjoy it. I am all about starting new projects, maybe its the Gemini in me.

And blogging isn’t too far from forums in a way. There are still an element of competitiveness, or what blog is popular, or promotions, etc. There has to be…everyone is trying to get noticed, to be that blogger that is invited to a convention, or asked to speak, or asked to write for someone, or on a radio show….arn’t we all, in a way, trying to be the next person on all the Top “10″ lists? I bet if we are not lying to ourselves, the answer is yes for most of you-myself included. You have no idea how many times I have applied to be a guest writer on a website and I have never once been picked. It sucks. You start to doubt yourself. What you love to do, apparently no one loves you to do.

Its not about the pay….I make 1 cent an hour if you combine what I made last year in blogging divided by the hours I put in.  But I do want to be the girl invited to the visits to the factories, or asked an opinion on….anything at all………just to be counted. Involved. Its like having a job that you will never see a promotion for, or an award you can hang on the wall showing your dedicated, and being included is all you can hope for.

And some days, just some days, I want to feel important.

~trisha