I have seen a lot of amazing posts talking about all the awesome experiences breastfeeding. I believe breastfeeding is amazing…if you can and want to do it.
When Charlotte was born, I did breastfeed. Maybe it was because I thought I had to do it. Nonetheless, I gave it a shot to see if it was for me. I always believe in trying things before you make up your mind.
Charlotte was born on a Sunday and my milk came in (with a vengeance) that following Thursday. That whole week I seriously thought I was starving my child to death. I think the hospital did too because without my permission they fed her a bottle.
I lasted 6 weeks.
I couldn’t do it anymore. I went to pumping and I pumped faithfully for a few more months. Pumping proved to be more work than breastfeeding! I would get up in the middle of the night and pump, i would pump sitting in the bathtub (seriously), I pumped every minute of every day and never got more than 3 oz or so at a time-combined breasts.
It was miserable.
In the mean time, I felt so tied to my house. I couldn’t get away more than about 2 hours before I had to pump again and since I wasn’t producing a lot, there was never any storage. I even tried over the counter herbal drugs like Fenugreek, but nothing really helped.
When I wouldn’t take it anymore, I found little support.
Everyone I turned to told me things like my baby was going to be malnourished or sickly, that I wasn’t doing what was best for her, that I was selfish. There really is no support for women that choose to not breastfeed. I cried when I quit pumping. Not because I missed it, but because I felt like a terrible mother. The guilt was unbearable.
How did God give me this perfect little baby that I did not want to breastfeed. What kind of mother was I?
But I did stop and within a few weeks, after the majority of the milk was gone, I started to feel better about my decision and Charlotte thrived. She is happy, healthy, and bright. Our bond is flawless and so is her bond with her daddy.
I wasn’t a good breastfeeder but I am a great mother.
Your bond and your decisions with your children are just that- YOURS. I always agree that breast is best (you cant argue with it!), but if you are emotionally or physically suffering over it, maybe it isn’t for you, and that is OK too. Should I have another child, I will try it again because perhaps my experience was unique for that one situation.
I will never again beat myself up for doing what was right for me to become the best mother possible. If you are a breastfeeding mom, please support and assist those women around you that need a place to turn when they are struggling with their decisions as well. Instead of being judged, it would have helped to have been guided.
For me, it may have made the difference.
~Trisha
I had a horrible time the first time around, and an awesome experience the second time. I think every mom needs to do what is best for her and her baby.
That is a lovely post. I breastfed my first two sons until they were each 12 months old, but that is because I either was a stay at home mom or had my own business where I took them with me.
When my third son was born I had to go back to work after only a few weeks and I worked outside the home. I breastfed him until I started working, but when I tried to pump it made my breasts bleed (literally) so I had to stop. I felt even more guilty at that point, not only because he had to go on formula, but also because his brothers had been breastfed. He thrived just as much as they did and is just as bright and connected to me as them as well.
By the time my fourth son came along and I was still working outside the home on weekends, I did not even consider breast feeding. My oldest is now almost 10 and throughout the years I too have learned that there is no cookie cutter for life and everyone has to do what is best for them.
Great post Trisha. I think it’s great to hear another side of this. I mean I know how important breastfeeding is but for someone who may not be able to for what ever reason it can make someone feel bad. I wanted to at least try to breastfeed Owen but I was way underweight after I got done with morning sickness (they had me down as 90lbs) and my OB told me she was very pro-breastfeeding but wouldn’t recommend me to breastfeed and it made me really sad. But Owens’ healthy, happy, and very energetic 5 year old boy now lol.
My experience with my first born a little over 12 years ago was very similar to yours. Everyone assumed I would breastfeed. No one asked if it’s what I wanted or was comfortable doing. I gave it a shot. Like you, I felt like a total failure as a woman and mother! My BF had a baby a year before and was still breastfeeding, loving every minute of it. Needless to say, that did not make me feel any better about myself. I gave up after 6 weeks. I told everyone it was too chaotic to work outside the home AND pump AND raise my daughter by myself but secretly I just hated breastfeeding.
I never produced much either and felt like I was just some milk machine! After 3 kids, getting a bit older and wiser, I no longer feel like a bad mom! I’ve actually discovered LOTS of women felt like we did!
Too bad blogging wasn’t really around 12 years ago! ;D
I had the same experience, only I lasted a lot less time than you did. Thank you for sharing this!
I tried with both and had two completely different experiences. My first son hated it. I pumped until he was 6 months old. My second son, took to it well (perhaps I was more educated on what to do and not to do the second time around) and I breastfed him until he was 10 months old. It might have been that I did things differently, or it might have been that the baby’s personality was different. Who knows.
Aw, Trisha, thanks for sharing. I went from never thinking much about what I’d do, to being a 4 year long nursing mama. I’ve seen & heard stories & struggles & I always like to hear those shared. It’s never helpful to be told,preached to or judged, guided is much more helpful =)
I tried with both and failed with both. My first had an infection and had to stay at the hospital. I pumped while she was there, but she never did latch on when she got home. With my second I tried, and had to try those nipple things to get her to latch on. That worked, but the help gave her nipple confusion and she would never just latch on without help. I then pumped for 2 weeks straight so she didn’t get formula. I was caged up and couldn’t go anywhere at all. I was so depressed and figured a depressed mother is worse than feeding your child formula. My oldest was a formula fed baby and she thrives in all parts of her life. I understand breast is best, but it honestly doesn’t work for everyone. I wish it did, but it just doesn’t!
I have three kids and have breastfed all three of them. I do enjoy it and love the time that I spend doing it. On the other hand, I’ve only made it to 9 1/2 months with each of the first two, and am working on weaning the 9 month old down as well. I think it’s horrible that doctors tell new mothers that they’ll automatically lose weight by breastfeeding, because for some moms it’s just not true! My first two kids were weaned because it was just time for them, not necessarily for me, but this one is getting weaned because I just can’t afford to keep this weight on and I don’t lose it until I finish nursing. I’m grateful for the time I spent nursing, and will miss it, but at the same time, completely understand why moms choose not to and I commend you for doing what felt right for you and your daughter! You CAN be a great mom and not nurse!
The important long term benefits of breast feeding include reduced risk of asthma, allergies, obesity, and some forms of childhood cancer. The more that scientists continue to learn, the better breast milk looks. In addition to making your baby healthier, breast feeding may also make him smarter. Many studies have proved that breast fed babies tend to be more smarter than babies who were fed with formula or other methods
I was in the same position you were. My first son nursed ALL.THE.TIME. when he was awake. Every evening he’d cry from about 5-6pm, then he’d fall asleep for the night after one last nursing. After 3 months I couldn’t take it anymore. Once we started bottles, he stopped crying. He was hungry all that time. I felt, and to some degree still feel terrible about that. At the time everyone told us it was colic and gas since he was otherwise thriving.
I tried breastfeeding again with my 2nd son. I know it’s what’s best, and he was preemie. I had to at least give it another shot in case my first experience was a fluke. For whatever reason. my body just does not produce milk for my kids no matter what I do. We lasted a month the 2nd time. But this time I found so much more support. It was wonderful. The doctors (his and mine) and nurses all told me that “Hey, at least you made it a month. That’s great!” Then with his reflux we worked on finding a formula that worked for him. It was so great to have a team behind me the 2nd time.
Trisha,
I didn’t discuss it much in my post, but I too experienced people to my face (and behind my back) discussing how unhealthy my child looked. I even had to put my concerned parents out of my home because their concern about their grandchild gave me more anxiety. I did the Fenugreek too and nothing seemed to work w/my first child; second and third a completely different story.
You’re so right. I believe that mommies should support one another, whether breastfeeding or not, but I definitely encourage any mommy I meet who wants to breastfeed, to go for it and not to give up. There is a lot of support out there.
Thank you for visiting my blog and sharing your opinion.
I have worked very hard to breastfeed both of my daughters over the last year and I believe it is what is best. That said my son was a solely formula fed baby and he has never suffered a moment for it. I am sorry you felt so badly about the decision you made.
I’m not sure why, but I never tried breastfeeding. I know with my firstborn the reason was I was a teen and she was a preemie and had to stay in the hospital two months since she only weighed 2 pounds 4ozs., but my son weighed 5 lbs, 13ozs, and I didn’t try breastfeeding with him either. And I have no idea why. Now I feel like maybe I missed something, but I have always been close with my kids and they have grown up to be wonderful adults.