Cyber-Stalking: I am a victim

For 16 months now I have been a victim of cyber-stalking by two online strangers. I know I have yet to talk about it, but after some lengthy discussions with some (amazing) blog and community leaders, they believe that I should advocating against it and supporting others that go through it. I think thats a fabulous idea.

Luckily I have found support amongst the same men and women that built this blog into its own community, as well as long term relationships with companies and PR, and information is pouring out by people that have gone through this before.

Being online is a really interesting mentality. Being behind a computer can make someone feel self important, in a gang, rallying behind a “cause”, but what it can also be used for is harassment and emotional distress. One thing I never do is put something up anywhere that doesn’t include my name. If I have an opinion, I face the opinion with my real signature, real link, and real IP.  If I cant do that, I just don’t write it. I would also never continuously use any form of media to continuously attack the same person. For one, its illegal, and for two,  I think it would make me look pathetic.

Recently I wrote a post against the Nestle boycott, but left it about that. I didn’t contact, defame, or write those on the “other” side because it would have taken the actual issue to something personal that it needed not be. They were entitled to their side as and I was entitled to mine.

Now its true that I am not a blogger that cares if someone likes me or not.  I do not get riled up if someone thinks I am fat, skinny, ugly, etc. I can say all of those things about myself, so its OK with me if someone doesn’t like the way I look or act. I know every time I write a post I am putting myself out there to be judged. Every time i put up a picture, I am putting myself out there to be judged. Additionally, this blog and its visitors thrive on the ability of blunt and often brutally honest discussions (PR Blackout anyone?) and regardless of what I talk about, my audience generally knows to take it with a typical ironic tone.

But for the past 16 months I have had another side you don’t get to see.  I  have been a victim of daily harassment, online videos about me, online blogs about me, online posts about me, social networking sites made up to speak about me, emails, and inappropriate comments under anonymous names.

And its all instigated from the same two people.

I am sure you are wondering why I don’t talk about it publicly that often. The reason is because its so stupid that I cant fathom anyone that ignorant and assume, like a child, if I ignore it, it will go away. Unfortunately that hasn’t been the case and I am forced to take steps to protect my family and also get the law involved.

Its not a fun or cheap decision and I don’t take it lightly.

The current rumors going around are also advocated by these same people. I am a victim over and over and over again. Same story, same people. Look it up. You will find over a years worth of the same content, regurgitated monthly about me.

This blog now has a cause. You will be seeing me advocate against how people use the Internet in order to continuously harass and attempt to defame and bully someone into hiding. Cyber stalking laws are being enforced in almost all states currently and I am going to be exercising my rights.

First lets start with some education.

Cyber-bullying is a term that is often misused online. Cyber-bullies are actually only between minors. Both parties have to be under the age of 18 and include multiple incidents of technology in attempt to cause someone physical or emotional harm. Its just like at school bullying, but online.  Basically, you will know it if you see it.

Cyber-stalking includes these things:

• Malice
• Premeditation
• Repetition
• Distress
• Obsession
• Vendetta
• No Legitimate Purpose
• Personally Directed
• Disregarded Warnings to Stop
• Harassment

Malice

Malice means: the desire and intention to terrorize and hurt you. Much cyberstalking is malicious in nature. Malice is usually indicated by the presence and communication of clear and direct threats made against you by the harasser.

Premeditation

Premeditation means: the presence of planning and organization.

To date I have over 50 pages of saved information written about me by the same people, all personally directed, videos, blog posts, and anonymous accounts created with the entire intent to harass and defame me. I have tweets that are sent out one a minute for hours and hours and hours online in a row daily. I have flat out slanderous material written about me by the same people over and over again.

Is this EVER acceptable? Why would anyone ever be lackadaisical about that?

I am sorry, but anyone that says that if you write something public you open yourself up virtual and daily assault by anyone, has zero idea of what its like to be victimized to this extent.   Would this be acceptable if we were face to face? No, you would walk away. You would not show up at my house, my dinner, my job, my best friends house, my fathers house without being held liable. Its the *same* thing.

Its to the point where its illegal. You are not allowed to contact someones work, family, friends, or business associates w/ slander and I am finally through with being a victim.

I know you are thinking right now, that is nuts!!

Yes, it is and its also scary.

When I looked into an attorney a few months ago, most attorneys I was talking to really didn’t know what to do. Internet law is few and far in between. But this week I decided I was going about it the wrong way and I needed to embrace the community around me and see what info they could pass on to me. In doing so, I was able to be recommended right to media and blog attorneys that fellow large bloggers use on the net and had an appointment with them today.

I have found a fabulous legal team that is disgusted with this behavior and have hired them. I will no longer worry about the next lie, the next attack, the time that it turns from social networking stalking to showing up at my house. I will no longer let the women in my community be emailed or threatened or blackmailed by merely being a part of this site.

They have that right without being spammed. They have that right to make adult decisions without influence they do not want.

• No one deserves to be threatened.
• No one deserves to be in fear of their own website.
• No one deserves the people that support them to be harassed.
• No one deserves to have their email addresses added to spam newsletters.
• No one deserves to wake up to fake emails and comments with the only intent to harass you.
• No one deserves to have a select few create a campaign to hurt you, physically, emotionally, or otherwise.
• No one should be in fear of who they are friends with online.

We have also documented all IPs from every account created or used to input my email address into false places. If you would like a copy of these IPs to block from your blog so you don’t become a victim, let me know I will supply it.

So Trisha, what do I do if I see someone talking about another blogger online? There really are two choices. We can ignore it or we can band together.

I have asked my community for a long time to ignore it. I will now as them to band together. To support each others sites, support each other as women, and the reason we came together, to support each other as bloggers.

• You have a right to post your content without fear.
• You have a right to belong to groups you want to online.
• You have a right to be friends with whomever you want.
• You have a right to have social networking accounts and interact without fear of negativity.
• You have a right to be YOU.

We may not all agree on every subject, but we sure as hell all agree that NO ONE deserves a daily and pinpointed campaign to keep any of us off the net. If we fall to false information, rumors, and gossip we are nothing. We become nothing. We become some mommies that sit at home and talk only about pacifiers and the best place to buy laundry detergent. Are we drones? Can we not discuss issues outside of the best formula?

We become fearful of our own opinions. We become fearful of perception. We become fearful of  reaching out.

Our relationships online become superficial because we cannot trust anyone around us.

We should be allowed to, in our own writing styles, talk about social commentary, political views, controversial topics, snark, or any other form of how we want without being subjected to fake accounts, attacks, harassment, and more. That is NOT freedom of speech. That is illegal.

What I found super frustrating about all of this is I have spent almost 2 years online in the blogging community. I have enacted charities, supported bloggers, been a voice of reason, a speaker, and a published writer and out of 2500 posts and 170,000 comments, there are less then 1% that have started any form of interest outside my regular readers. But that is all anyone notices.

How many of the “outraged” can tell me my daughters name? Tell me where I went to college? Tell me the past 5 posts I have put up about my family? Tell me what I like to do on the weekends? Whats my favorite book? My favorite band? Can anyone outside of regular readers answer those questions without looking them up?

What? You only come when you “hear” something is wrong? Then its not shame on me, its shame on you for not become part of the relationship. Things are not so shocking when you are involved in a two way street  and not appearing in the middle of a conversation.

The sad part is there is no issue. Its just as easy to decide if you like a blogs content or opinions and stay or leave. I write quite freely and always have. This blog is in no way supported by sponsors and while we work with a few select each month, we will not fold in the slightest without them. In fact, this blog is no stranger to strong posts or commentary and our sponsors monitor our content and are well aware of past situations and news it has been in. With that being said we completely respect the companies we choose to work with and the bloggers we advocate for and we wont let them be victims either.

I am taking a stand for you. For all of us. For everyone in the blogosphere that wants to write about their mother in law, their job, their neighbor, their kids, their husband, their sex life, their disease, their college years, their handicap, their true thoughts without fear of online assault. For everyone that wants to join groups they want to, be a part of what they want, to go to their site without someone telling them what they can and cannot do.

Is it rude to write someone is fat? Yes. But is it illegal? No. Is it a criminal offense? No. At the best its a line of morality that I crossed where someone can be offended. I surely hope that anyone that is causing such a fight online doesn’t read Perez, or People Magazine, or any magazine on the stands, or Dooce,  or People of  Walmart, because if you visit any of those sites, all of which are fabulous, its quite hypocritical to be on this bandwagon.

To all of you prematurely judging, coming in late to the story, or just deciding the person that’s screams the loudest is right, I just feel bad that is way it is. Would be much nicer to see people say hey, I dont always know whats going on and I refuse to be pulled in. Standing on your own feet doesn’t mean getting in line to push someone down. Its just walking away.

I will update as I can, but much of what I am doing legally will most likely be held back from any discussion I have online. I will however be advocating and doing my best to reach out to PR and talk shows regarding this important discussion. If you have been a victim, contact us. We would love to share your story anonymously. If you are an advocate, contact us. If you are PR that wants to get this subject out, we want to hear from you.

For the record, as a blogger, if I have offended someone to the point I feel like I need to remove content, then I will choose to do that. I don’t owe the “Internet” an apology for people coming to this spot. My opinions are not widely known as light and airy. But as it was, I did remove the offending material and there is nothing more I can do to set things “right”.  I did what was asked and that should be the end. Anyone continuing after the posts were removed is merely advocating hate, not an issue.

Again, thank you for your love and support. Many of you have asked me what you can do to help. What you can do is continue to love and be a part of the women around you that you support. We don’t want you to tear anyone down, but only stand up for and build up the bloggers that you are a part of.

If you need something from me, you have my word that I will be there for you. If you choose to read or not read, that is your choice.

But we hope that its yours.

~Trisha