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This is the great debate isn’t it? We see videos like the little girl being dragged through a cell phone store by a leash and no one stops it. We see a woman crying or someone yelling and we walk on by.
But do you ever wonder if you should step in? Recently Tom Barret, the mayor of Milwaukee, saw a woman being beaten with a lead pipe and stepped in, to only be beaten pretty badly himself.
I can remember when I was a little kid, I’m thinking like 5 or 6 little, and coming to a red light sitting in the backseat of my dads car. There was a playground right next to the street and a man was standing there with a whip beating a woman at the swing set.
My dad opened the door, got out of the car, walked over, yanked the whip from the man, walked back to the car, threw it in the backseat and drove off. I think it was probably around 1985.
I wonder if he remembers it.
I remember it.
My dad is my hero.
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2 weeks ago when I went to get my hair done I arrived at the mall about 10 minutes before my appt and was sitting on the bench outside the salon. It was on a Sunday, so nothing in the mall was open till noon and it was still 11:50. I was flipping through a hair magazine I had picked up at the local bookstore on the way over.
A woman was sitting next to me.
She was overweight, wearing clothing that was far from glamorous, and was pretty quiet and to herself. She kept flipping open her phone and looking at it, texting, back and forth, back and forth.
I kept reading.
Then a man showed up. He had your garden variety red neck thing going on, with two children, 3 and 6 I later learned, in tow. They needed a bath. And I think a hug.
The woman didn’t rise up like you would do if you were meeting a friend and he mad some mumbling about what time he was going to pick them up and walked off. The woman started crying and opened up a plastic Walmart bag with two sticker books and started to talk to the kids about what she bought them.
At this point I am sure I am witnessing a divorce scenario. By now I’m falsely engrossed in my magazine. Only 5 minutes have passed. The kids settled in and the woman continued crying and wiping her eyes. She is a mess.
Then she asked the young boy what he has been doing and he said he has been watching TV. Actually, he said “We watch movies all day long, that’s all we do, its boring”. The woman is clearly angry about it. She flippantly says “That sounds educational”. Somehow the young boy mentions another woman’s name and the woman next to me quickly tightens up. “Did she tell you I didn’t like her?” He says “No”.
Sensitive topic.
She turns her attention to the little girl, 3 years old, sitting next to me engrossed into her sticker book. She has a pretty heavy scratch on her shoulder and face. The woman asked what happened and the boy explains she fell in the bathtub. The little girls dress strap keeps falling down her arm and I picked it back up and put it back on her shoulder.
Finally I looked at the woman and said “Are you ok?”
I dont know what made me do it. Clearly this was none of my business. But what if it IS my business. What if we think its not, but it should be.
She says to me “No, im not”.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way. My heart is panicking. Great. What did I just step into.
I said “How old are your kids”
She said “3 and 6″
So I said “I cant help but noticing that it appears your going through a divorce. I have a friend going through a divorce and the important part is that you are doing what you can for the kids and I see that you are.”
She paused.
Then she says “2 weeks ago I told my boyfriend that we were having trouble and I thought we should break up and he told me it was fine because he already found someone else and he kicked me out and moved her in. I am the only mother these kids have ever known.”
Here was this woman, pushed out from another woman, trying to carry on a relationship with children that are not hers, from a man she has never been married to.
The sad part was that she had no rights to these kids. I knew it was only a matter of time before her involvement in their lives would dwindle to nothing and they would be left wondering where she went and why.
I turned my attention to the girl and started to read to her the book. I made some small talk about the cute dress the little girl had on and her slipping strap I had put up at least 5 times by now.
The woman had made the dress for her.
I noticed my salon was opened and it was time for me to go to my appt. I stood up and said goodbye to the children and leaned over to the woman and gave her a rub on her back. I told her it was going to be OK. That she was a good woman and a good mother, whether she was their biological mother or not, that she cared and I promise, in the end, things will be ok and she was doing the right thing.
Then I walked away to my life and left her in hers.
Two strangers passing.
~Trisha[/private]
Hi, I do get involved with strangers if I feel led to do so. We never know what we might say or do can impact there day. A simple act of kindness can go a long way.
Hugs to you for being a shoulder to cry on and letting that woman know that she was doing something right. Her ex probably made her feel worthless while they were together. These poor children are going to suffer from his neglect. My heart breaks for this broken family. I would have done the same thing. Abusive relationships often leave people lonely and afraid. By making the first move, you allowed her to open up and release some of that pain. It’s important to have some one to talk to, even a complete stranger can be a blessing.
That totally choked me up. I think all too often people want to stay in their own cocoon and not see what is going on around them. Kudos to you for not just keeping your head down. I think you should always try and put yourself if others shoes if only for a minute. If we all showed the compassion for each other, no matter who we are, I think the world could be a better if not nicer place to be.
I would have done the same thing. Sometimes 5 minutes of talking to someone in need can change many things, if nothing else make them feel a little better. Make them know someone is willing to listen and understand.I feel so bad for her and those children
im crying now
I would have done the same. It’s a special quality to have. Actually….everyone has it, but it takes a special person to enhance it and let it flow out. Be thankful you are one. I know I am!
That is so sad. I’m glad you were there to tell her that it’s going to be ok. Sometimes that’s all people need to help their day go a little better. She’s going to remember you for a long time.
The kindness of strangers can sustain us, save us from drowning.
Hell ya, I get involved, I’m a nurse and from Jersey, it’s hard for me to Uninvolve myself.
Thank you, Trisha. Who knew you were such a sweetheart??
I feel so strongly about this. I have stoppped at car accidents and found lost young children wandering alone several times and no one at all was willing to step in. People seem so afraid of everyone else. It makes me so upset that people can’t tap into their compassion. Thank you for helping this woman. It is a wonderful and inspiring story!
Wow, I need to watch the news more I guess! I live in Milwaukee, and didn’t hear about that!
You’re right, sometimes people do need to step in and help. If you can clearly see that someone needs you, for whatever reason, and you have the ability to help in that situation, I think you should. The world would be a much better place if people took a measly couple of minutes out of their lives to help others.
I would have gotten involved as well. That is just how I am.
What strikes me about this story is that those children may be being abused. The scratch on the little girl does not sound like something she would get from a fall in the bathtub. It saddens me that a woman who wants to be their mother is treated so badly and has no rights to say anything about how they are being cared for, or not cared for, as the case may be.
What a sad story. Unfortunately, society, as a whole, has only two speeds when it comes to involvement in other people’s business…completely ignoring the situation or trying to run the whole show. It sucks.
I wish there was someone who could stand up for those kids. It makes my heart ache to read about situations like this.
I get involved way too much. I always weigh how big of a mess it will be before I get into it.
Sometimes words are the most powerful source of support. People just want to talk.
I think kindness should just come naturally. It shouldn’t be forced. You asking her what was the matter was normal. As women, and mothers, we are often inclined to intervene in situations that appear to be harmful to children. I would have done the exact thing as you.
You never know the impact you’ll have on someone unless you leave your mark. It can be with words, a smile, or your actions.
I’m feeling a little kind just thinking about kindness.
Good for you! Taking the time to stop and talk to her may have been exactly what she needed. I do try to go out of my way when I see someone in need. I would like to think that if I was in a bad situation, someone would be there to give me some words of encouragement and support. You did a good thing!
That was really very nice of you to talk to her. I don’t know that a lot of people would want to get involved with a stranger like that. I personally would not have gotten involved. It’s just my personality I guess.
That was very kind of you. I think if more people offered random acts of kindness the world would be a better place. You don’t even have to talk to anyone. Just try holding the door for the person behind you instead of letting it slam in their face. It always makes my day when someone holds the door for me since it doesn’t happen much anymore.