not meaning WHAT they do…but how they act? If a child is really aggressive, do you think its something ingrained in them or something learned?
I was watching dr. phil and the kid was OUT OF CONTROL screaming and saying he wants everyone dead and gone, but the parents seem really normal.
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If there’s one thing I’ve learned from our sons, it’s that we can teach them, but we can’t control them. No one “controls” their kids, they can only influence them and hope their kids internalize what they’re trying to teach them (and not internalize what they don’t want to teach them, lol).
We have gotten a lot of compliments on how polite and kind our twins are from people who know them, and we have gotten a lot of dirty looks and rude comments from people who don’t know them when they’ve had meltdowns in public (they have autism). It’s something they are learning to cope with but it’s taken a long time, and it’s not something that either they or we can control, we can only try to limit their exposure to known triggers (but even that won’t stop them all).
I think all kids will have their good days and bad days, and I also know that teaching appropriate behavior is a process that takes time, to varying degrees depending on your kids.
Which is a long-winded way to say, yes and no and it depends
I think every kid is born with their own personality. It’s the parents job to help nurture that in a positive way. Some kids may be naturally one way or the other, but I think parents have a big influence. For example, your kid may be prone to tantrums, but if you give in every time you are going to get a whiny screaming kid on your hands.
On the other hand, I’ve known people who had really bad parents and hard upbringings who are some of the best people I know. In the end YOU are responsible for who you are. You make the choices and you can’t blame your parents for the decisions YOU make. Of course, you can’t expect that from a 3 year old.
I have to agree with the some of the other comments. I think that the way a child acts is influenced by a lot of factors, both internal and external.
While parents can teach their children manners, teach their children how to act, they cannot control every influence their child will come up against. My son acts very well when he plays with some kids, but when he plays with his cousin, he can get downright bossy. I think some of it’s dealing with past situations, he knows how she acts and tries to imitate it. (Big pain.)
I also think some of can be biological. Everyone develops differently, and there’s no telling what is ingrained and what’s been picked up along the way.
I think we’re responsible for what we can teach our kids, and responsible for getting them some help if there’s something we can’t help them with.
The nature versus nurture debate is as old as the chicken and the egg debate. We can see the affect that some parenting choices have on our kids (abuse) there are other things that we can’t seem to explain.
Separate twins and you see amazing similarities that don’t seem to stem from environment. But then a colder example is that you can raise any puppy to be aggressive and mean. I’ve seen sweet, docile rottweilers and poodles that maul little children.
In most cases, Heather is correct, children do begin to accept (some) of the blame as they hit double digits, but there are some things a parent can do to a kid to screw them up for the rest of their lives. And some medical disorders that people can never work around. Sometimes biology even trumps free will.
I don’t think you can choose just one ~ It depends on the situation and the child.
I was told once that what a parent does in moderation a child will do in excess and for a lot of things this is true. I was also told that if I saw something in my daughter I didn’t like that I should check myself first to see if the problem was starting there… a lot of the time it is.
Sometimes there are brain disorders or just genetic disorders that can cause outrageous behavior and one of my friends son had such severe allergies that he would go nuts all the time~ When they realized it might be allergies and started adjusting things for him he totally calmed down ~ the difference was like night and day with him.
((hugs)) Mechelle
I don’t think there’s a cut and dried answer. If you take actual diagnosed behavioral issues out of the picture, I’d still say it’s part environmental and part personality. My niece is a perfect example…at 22 months she’s already uptight about cleaning up messes and my SIL is EXACTLY the same way (I don’t think she intentionally teaches her to be that way, but kids learn by example!) On the other hand, SIL and BIL are both very careful not to show tempers in front of her because BIL KNOWS he has a bad one and they make a strong effort in that area – but somehow the little one STILL has a mean temper and isn’t afraid to show it.
I think it is environmental. Just because they appear normal, who knows what goes on at home. I think video games, TV, aggressive siblings, etc, all contribute. That’s just me :0.
Ditto Heather. And I pray to God no one was judging me as a parent while I was in Target after church this morning with my two-year-old overly tired monster. Yikes.
I agree with Heather. It’s not really a black and white subject in my opinion.
I (feel) that I am raising my daughter the “right” way and teach her manners, etc.., but she still acts out once in a while and I have NO idea where it comes from. LOL!
I think that the answer is … yes and no.
There are some children that have behavioural issues and no one is responsible for those.
But if there is any CHOICE in how the children act, then the parents are responsible for not teaching the child how to choose proper behaviour.
However, once they start entering double digits and can determine the correct actions themselves, they begin to accept the blame.
But each child is different, therefore each situation has a different answer.