[private]
So I am on twitter and Meaghan tweets out about an incident last night on twitter. She said that someone was on twitter and tweeted that:
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The woman who had the cops (& possibly CPS) called on her for tweeting (in jest) that she wanted to smother her daughter
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I don’t want to cause any hurt to people with good intentions but the whole situation has had me upset. Hmm…should probably just shut up.
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I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut about something that happened on Twitter last night that I am profoundly disturbed by
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Now, as a blogger, I can say that I write a lot of things here that I don’t think twice about. Call it freedom of expression or freedom of speech or maybe trying to get my point across to my readers. I have most definitely used phrases on forums, chatrooms, and blogs that are like “I’m going to kill my daughter/DH” . I mean, have you SEEN who I live with? Miss Priss and Crazy Dancer Guy?
In my world:
Kill = They are driving me insane and if they don’t leave my inner circle, I wont be responsible for going ballistic.
Ballistic = going to take a bath in silence for an hour and let them fend for themselves
Expressions are……..expressions. When I was growing up, “that is so gay” was used all the time. Gay was synonym for stupid. (not making this up) Now, if you say “that is so gay“, your totally going to offend someone that is………..well………gay!
Are we seriously calling CPS on ONE tweet that said they were going to ’smother’ their daughter? Hell, her daughter was probably like mine last night…got a little ice cream in her tummy and turned into a screaming, whining, no nap, sugar induced annoying child that I am sure is not related to me. Does that mean if someone hears me telling Charlotte she “better straighten up or else” next time she is begging for a candy bar in the check out lane that I can expect a line of policemen at my door on my way home from Target? I have come to the conclusion that people will NEVER be happy with what you do as a parent. If I let Charlotte act like a punk in public (and no matter how good of a child she is, she is a child), I am a bad parent for letting her misbehave. If I discipline her, I open up my technique, whatever that may be for the day, to someone elses opinion on whether or not THEY approve of how I am handling it. Its lose/lose.
For the record, I think we have given our kids the tools to make us afraid to parent. Even THEY know that CPS is serious. My DH said that his sister used to threaten their father with calling CPS when she got in trouble. WTF.
I’m just wondering where the line is here. Should we all be worried to blog our feelings for fear of retribution. Lets be real…text doesn’t exactly convey expression or tone that well. If you have ever had the pleasure of being a part of a group of online women, you already know that. (and not referring to the girls on the MomDot Forum. They have made it 6 months without so much of ONE argument. Its like living in the Twilight Zone. I may have possibly accumulated the only spot on the net that are not backstabbing, narcissistic bitches)
You can be totally joking and someone else wont always “hear” the sarcasm in text, kwim? Partly because we are working without truly knowing someone. I am a super sarcastic, but meaning well most of the time, person. But if you have never actually MET me, and chances are you haven’t, you wouldn’t realize that. Now, if someone was talking all night about a boyfriend cheating and how they were going to get a gun and go kill them…ok, a little concern would come up and I would probably talk to that person and try to judge if it was just anger or seriousness, but CPS is NOT a joke. Even McDonalds asshole father didn’t have me calling CPS from his very public display of shitty parenting.
Do I need a disclaimer on my blog and twitter that says “Slightly deranged mother, may talk a lot of shit about a lot of things, use lots of expressions, hopped up on coke (that’s COLA, for those of you wanting to call CPS or the DEA) wont actually be tying daughter up in her room till she decides to brush her teeth and put away her toys.”
Good grief.
~trisha[/private]
It is sad how parenting is now. I remember when I was a kid… now wait I don’t even want to!
Seriously… been thru that. It’s ridiculous & sad how some people are.
But loved ur post Trisha! Ur funny!
Angie
Http://twitter.com/pricousins
A lot ppl are to quick to judge nowadays because of all the stuff taht gets put on the news about children being raped or kidnapped or whatever the case may be.
I agree with you Trisha it’s absurd.
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Andrea wrote:
but what if that was her only place to get some steam out? You of all people know how hard it is to have someone to talk to, andrea. And on blogs, we share stuff ALL THE TIME…and on forums as well. I think its part of daily life now.
I think it was totally tacky for her to vent that way on a public site to begin with, JMO. Wording is everything on the net.
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Hey, fantastic topic and awesome post.
I thank GOD that I don’t have my real info connected to the site because, on my own site, I have admitted my failures as a mother. Once I left my 10-month old daughter in the van in August. In Texas. (BUt I remembered her 30 seconds later – still, someone totally could have called CPS on me). Another time I accidentally left one child in the toy section of Wal-Mart and didn’t realize until a few minutes later. Both situations: totally unintentional, completely irresponsible on my part, but also not really worthy (in my opinion) of necessitating calling CPS.
I think just too many people want to judge and not help. It would be so much more genuine if that person who called the cops about the tweet had INSTEAD tweeted (twit?) back, “Are you okay? Need to blow off some steam? I’m here to listen.” But instead they just called the cops. That’s plain old lazy. If they were REALLY concerned they’d find out the whole story first.
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Trisha-admin wrote:
I know…very very true!! I think that there are a LOT of ppl on the internet who live “double lives”
Oh the drama!! lol
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Clarissa, but a website cant make someone DO something…it was her choice. It sounds like she was unhappy with her DH and it was just an ‘out’, kwim? If a man talked to me on a social networking site, its my choice to say im married, don’t talk to me anymore and BLOCK or delete them..you know?
This really hits home for me personally, because I knew someone who blogged on MySpace about wanting to “kill” her husband and not that she actually KILLED him but, it did lead to her getting attention from other men and eventually–she left her husband…and YES–it was because of MySpace! I mean yes, it was her decision to be so “honest” about her issues with her DH but–it made it easier for her to leave him…it could easily be the same on Twitter–maybe someone would in jest tell her “Just do it!” and who knows–maybe she has a psycho streak in her and she WOULD do it?? IDK–wasn’t there a kid on the internet who killed himself and ppl in a forum or something were cheering him on to do it??
I just try to be private about my private life…I wouldn’t want anyone to be able to use anything against me in REAL life…kwim??
TresCoutureClarissa’s last blog post..Love your Community?
Wow .. well I would totally be in Jail … for life with my mouth !
Debbie’s last blog post..Friday Fragments
@ bloggymommy3:
Oh, I think if someone is constantly talking about doing something, then people should look into if they are serious or not. But one little tweet, or one post about how they are driving you nuts. I think that’s blowing off steam.
Trish’s last blog post..Weird Keyword Searches
OMG! I’m laughing so hard right now, I hardly know which comment to respond first to.
I think I’ll go in order.
First, Trisha, I swear we were separated at birth! You had me laughing so hard the baby inside woke up and starting stomping my bladder. TMI? Maybe. But it was still freaking hilarious. LOVE the definitions. I’ve gone “ballistic” by your definition many, many times! Sometimes, I just put on a good act to get that silent bath in. After reading the “Tweet read ’round the world,” I had to laugh. Good Lord. Show me the mom who HASN’T said that before, and I’ll show you Jesus Himself. We all lose it sometimes, and say things we certainly wouldn’t imagine carrying out. It’s a way to let off steam, IMO. Saying it makes me laugh, and lets me go on with what I need to get done. Lightens the moment.
AmandaG: Gladys Kravitz??? LOVE it!!! Every time Hubs looks out the window to see what our insane neighbor is doing, I ask “Mrs. Kravitz” to quit worrying about the neighbors. At least now I finally know her first name!
April: My dad would have said the same thing to us!
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If half of the stuff I write on any of my blogs were taken completely seriously, I would most likely be in a great deal of trouble, as would us all. When it comes to free speech, we walk a very fine line and it’s sad.
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Trish wrote:
Very true! Except for that one guy that blogged and vlogged about how he was going to kill himself and then actually did! It’s scary…most of us don’t *really* know each other or our true intentions. KWIM?
bloggymommy3’s last blog post..Unconscious Mutterings
I didn’t see that entry and don’t know that person so I really can’t comment on what happened. BUT I DO think it is every person’s right to say what they want on their own blog. I get sarcastic on mine; lots of people do. I think it’s just a scary thing b/c, like you said, you can’t “hear” the person’s tone and therefore don’t know if they are being sarcastic or not.
In todays world child abuse is a scary issue that even most people don’t know that their friends could become abusive until it’s too late. CPS is a very serious thing to call on someone! I would have to be 100% SURE that something was going to happen or happening before I would EVER call on someone. That’s no small accusation!
Maybe we should all put disclaimers about our sarcasticness on our blogs to be safe. I agree with you Tricia…GOOD GRIEF!!!
bloggymommy3’s last blog post..Unconscious Mutterings
I agree that it’s so hard to parent in public this days… it’s totally lose lose. When Finley was about six months old he had to take some medication (he had several surgeries when he was younger) and we would sort of steady his head when we gave it to him. We didn’t hold his head tight or twist it or anything, just steady it since he was still a wobbly sitter. We did this at a restaurant to give him the dropper of medication and this woman started spouting off to her friend that we shouldn’t be forcing that poor baby to eat something he doesn’t want to. She didn’t even know what we were doing. In her defense though she did come apologize when she realized the real situation… still people go over the top.
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I think that was a little extreme. I really think that if people are writing about it, they’re not going to do it. It’s just a way of venting.
Trish’s last blog post..Weird Keyword Searches
If she’s commiting a crime well by being a smartass, then they better lock me up and throw away the key.
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I didn’t even know CPS existed when I was kid but if I had known and I had threatened to call them on my parents, you know what would’ve happened? My dad would’ve beat my ass and said “Ok, now you’ve got a reason to call ‘em.”
People over react way too much. Get a sense of humor and stop taking shit so seriously. If someone was really going to smother their child, do you think they’d be on Twitter telling everyone? No, they’d be back there actually smothering the kid. I’d rather see a Mom online tweeting about it than actually doing it because that’s a sign that she’s doing what she needs to do and taking a break, stepping away from the situation, and venting so she can cool off.
I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve said “OMG I’m going to kill these kids!” but they’ve survived so far…one of them even lived long enough to make me a grandma this weekend.
By the way, ladies, your kids may be driving you nuts now but just wait until they have their own babies. My daughter apologized to me 3 times just during labor.
If everyone would stop pretending to be Gladys Kravitz and mind their own business, the world would be a better place (Bewitched reference for the young’uns LOL).
I’ve said things along the same lines. We all get frustrated. Parenting is a hard and thankless job. Although I usually follow up the kill the kids comments with something like “Nah, it’d be too messy, and I’m the only one who cleans around here.” Again TOTAL SARCASM.
People need to get a grip sometimes. I really hope if there are people doing this without proof because of ONE thing they see online, they’re being charged with making false claims. That’s just tying up the system for the kids that truly need help. CPS is a f’ed up enough system as it is without the internet crazies bogging it down.
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Should we censor ourselves to avoid the criticism? I don’t think so. Like you said text can’t convey nuance. I DO think people should carefully consider what they put out there in public because after all with today’s legal system everything can be twisted to paint you however the painter wants you to be seen.
I wrote that in my aggravation with the children the other day I snapped my hairbrush in two. I think I failed to mention that I was not anywhere near my children at the time. But if someone really wanted to make a stink and nail me to the wall they could probably twist that all over the place and make a bruise that Mo sustained while jumping on the couch into me abusing her.
I don’t think it goes to WHAT we write as much as how we READ what is out there. Read with an open mind and always remember that you DON’T have the whole story or personal knowledge about the writer.
Sarah’s last blog post..A Letter from the Zookeeper
I have said “im going to fucking kill my daughter if she doesnt stop __fill in whatever is annoying me______” before.
The fact that she is going on her 4th birthday means something, right? Its just a statement.
CanCan (Mom Most Traveled) wrote:
See, I take that as a complete parent meltdown, not a real threat. In fact, I have said that kind of thing before. OF COURSE she knwos its a crime, so of course it was sarcastic. Its not that much logic to it. She was annoyed….whoopdidee.
I think that’s what I’m wondering too…where the line is. I admit that the tweet made me cringe. But really, what she said is not in essence different from “OMG if my kid doesn’t go to sleep I’m going to kill her!” Sure, “smother” is going into a little too much detail for most people’s comfort. But I don’t think it proves anything except that the mom didn’t really think through what she was going to tweet.
Meagan Francis’s last blog post..benign neglect
I am just stunned by this. Every parent has said something akin to this as a way of expressing the normative stress that accompanies parenting. Yes, words have meaning and we ought to choose them wisely. But my goodness…this is just insane.
Here was the tweet that sparked it:
if I smother my 3 year old, who will NOT GO TO F******* SLEEP, is it REALLY a crime?
(I censored the f-word myself, not sure if you wanted profanity on MomDot)
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