Yesterday I had the pleasure of being quoted in CNN. Thankfully the writer who wrote the story actually got my quotes right and didn’t paint me out to be a public-relations-mommy-blogger-down-with-reviews-hater. It only took well over 20 days to see a positive spin.
Beggars can’t be choosers.
Anyhoo, this post isn’t about that. Its about the comments left behind on the article.
Here, let me share a few of those here:
Now what strikes me as interesting isn’t about the negative reaction to blogging. We fear what we don’t understand..or in America we attack what we are not a part of. Its the negative reaction to WOMEN in general. I think I have been living in the “women are equal” world under an umbrella of ignorance, because I truly didn’t realize people had these types of 1950’s mentalities. HELLO. Black President! Women on the Supreme Court!
There are a lot of things I am not. I am not a great writer. I am not a journalist. I am not a professional blogger and I am a not a great social networker. But I do contribute to my household, monetarily, physically, and emotionally. Owning an online website doesn’t change those things about me.
Would getting a 9-5 job out of my home and putting my child in daycare while bringing home a physical paper check every week make me a better mom in the eyes of the world?
I’m trying to keep my blood pressure down so Ill keep my opinion on the nicey nice train today.
Opinions?
WOW! I am not a mom yet, but I consider it to be the MOST important job in the world. To hear people say that moms are not setting a good example because they are not out in the workforce, bringing home a pay check is, to say the very least, disturbing! Many moms have made a choice to stay home so they can raise their children to be strong, independent, and intelligent members of society.
Blogging allows mom a chance to connect with the outside world and to discuss topics about motherhood with those who understand their daily routines. I am shocked that seemingly inteligent CNN readers would react in such an ignorant manner — since when does blogging (most likely while your children are napping, at school, playing with friends on a play-date, sleeping, etc) mean that someone is a negligent mother?
Congrats Trisha on getting an interview with CNN. I found the comments – mainly to be – as mentioned written by bitter ignoramuses!
OMG! I can’t believe the comments of those people. They are
in the league of people who believe that a stay-at-home mom’s job is not worthwhile and valuable. I totally agree with you that I would definitely not be a better mother if I were working full-time and sending my children to daycare. Not too mention that my previous career required me to stay late often and bring home my work too! Really, how would that make me a better mother?
Is it sad that i can see where they are coming from? Their comments are WAY rude but I think it’s out of 1. Jealousy that they can’t be at home or 2. Ignorance.
I mean I’ve heard so many SAHMs say working moms don’t know how hard it is to be at home… Why compete? I think ALL moms work hard, be at home or not. I sometimes wish I’ll be able to stay at home with our future kids but I don’t think money will allow it. No really… My husband doesn’t even have a full tine job right now.
Will that make me go out and bash SAHMs? No… But I think it’s hard for some women to watch things like “Oprah’s special on ‘Mommy Bloggers’” and only hear them complain about how hard it is. Yes, I’m sure it’s hard, but I think the point is it’s hard for every mom… working or not.
But hey… a girl’s gotta vent right? And if you don’t like reading a vent on a blog go someplace else!!
Besides, who says SAHMs are the only ones with blogs? I work (and I’m not a mom) I have a blog, and so do a lot of working moms!
Ok, I’m done!
All I can say is wow. You usually only see ignorant comments like that by 1 or 2 people but not that many. They obviously dont understand this world and are maybe a bit jealous. Im stunned.
Lucy
All I have to say is what in the heck is wrong with those people! The ones that say being a mother is an easy job have obviously never done it before!
I am having a hard time keeping my comments/thoughts on the nicey nice train too. I am biting my lip so hard I can taste blood. Ohh! maybe that makes me a vampire too!?!?
Holy smokes! There are some really angry people out there. Yada, yada, yada: what do they know? *sigh*
I think they may have some sort of strange jealousy because we actually were able to make a choice to stay home with our kids, that we are selfless enough to give up the power of being career women outside our homes OR that some of us blog and work outside the home.
Normally, I keep my opinions to myself but this struck a nerve.
I’m going to bet that most of those people who commented were never moms or they’d know that the BEST ways for MOMS to be GREAT MOMS is by taking time for themselves and blogging is just one way of doing just that.
“or in America we attack what we are not a part of.”
Hey, now! Don’t blame America for something that is simply human nature. It’s like that everywhere you find people!
I see this kind of mommy-hating all over the web, not just on mommy blogs. I’ve concluded, after about a zillion deleted blog posts, comments, and emails, that people who dislike SAHMs do so for a handful of reasons:
1) In America (this is definitely an American thing, not a human nature thing) a person’s value is determined almost solely by the amount of money that person can make. If you don’t make much, you’re a leech. Never mind that you save as much as you could earn (I do. I’ve done the math). Never mind that your being home allows your husband to do a better job because he doesn’t have to share mommy-duty when he could be studying or working extra hours. Nevermind that your children are well-adjusted, productive citizens-to-be. Never mind that you provide a quality of living that is far, far beyond what many (not all!) 2 income families can experience. Nevermind any of that. You don’t make money. You are worthless to some people. On the bright side, these people aren’t worth being around anyway.
2) Some of them have met a bad example of a SAHM, and attribute all those failings to the rest of us. You can call yourself a SAHM whether you’re productive or not. There’s no one to fire you, no 9 a.m. meeting to discuss your performance, no clock to punch to prove you worked. There is no difference (to some) between sitting at home in your pjs till noon munching rice krispies treats and watching Dr. Phil (is he still on?) and getting up at 5 a.m., homeschooling, feeding, cleaning, loving, playing with the kids, then being the last to go to bed at night because you work so hard at being “just” a SAHM. Some people just lack perspective.
3) Moms and dads who feel guilty because they are not at home. This is actually the smallest subset of SAHM-haters, but they’re the loudest of the bunch. I don’t judge working moms, but they sure do judge me! I think they do what’s best for their family as they see it. That doesn’t affect me. I’m happy in my life, and I hope theirs works for them. I wish they’d show me the same courtesy. There is no mommy war! I could not care less what you do with your family!
Anytime a person takes my lifestyle as an offense, that’s a good sign that they’re afraid I’ll notice what’s wrong with theirs. SAHM’s aren’t perfect, so of course, they’ll always find something to poke at, but I’ve learned that it’s not me they really despise, it’s themselves.
Those comments are downright Neandrathal and show a lack of education and foresight. The old SAHM vs.working mother garbage, sorry you got caught up in this nonsense. I telecommute and blog, so I guess I have the most neglected and disrespectful kids. Well, at least they are good fodder for blog. Not!!
Wow.
I didn’t realize people were so opinionated and presumptuous Trisha. In my opinion, it isn’t even worth a rebuttal.
All I got to say is IGNORANCE is BLISS isn’t it!?!?!? WOWSERS
Well, isn’t the world full of backward thinkers!
We are living in an age where everyone’s (and I mean men, women, black, white, orange, purple, young, old) goal is to gain at least a little bit of financial independence via self-employment. Why is this any different?
Some of those comments were born in obvious jealousy!
I have to agree that in America we fear what we don’t know but you had it best with the word Attack. It saddens me to think that people can be so crude to those they don’t know. Are we not trying to teach our children to be well rounded, good morale individuals? I have actually asked my family many times (and I don’t make A LOT of money blogging) if I should stop running my VA business and my blog to go outside of the home and work to bring home a paper paycheck every week. The answers my family gave me amazed me!
First I will say that the family outside of my husband and children DO NOT get it, other than my Dad who is all about me doing my internet thing.
Second the answer from my oldest and only daughter was “I don’t want you to work outside of the home Mama, I like having you work from home because you spend more time with me and you get to go to all my school events” (too cute and sweet I may have shed a tear when she said that but I certainly gave her a big hug)
My husband’s response sort of surprised me because he HATES his job. I would love to work full time outside of the home so he didn’t have to put up with the CRAP he does every day at his crappy job .. but he still supports me and his response was “I don’t want you to work babe. You do well with the kids, they have fun, they have their mom and we are not having you work to pay someone else to raise our kids.”
The support is amazing … and the bloggers are amazing. Don’t ever let those negative, judgmental people affect who you are and what YOU do because in the end all that matters is that YOU and YOUR FAMILY are happy in the decisions you made as a “FAMILY” right?!
It seriously baffles me that people would think it would be best for our children to be raised by someone else so we can make a contribution financially. I am a stay at home mom! I love it! I have worked out of the home and my kids are doing much better with me home. They aren’t spoiled, coddled or anything else. I am blessed enough to have my husband work full time so I can stay home. I contribute in a different way. If we both worked full time, I would have to hire both a nanny and a maid. Hopefully the nanny will cook because I could definitely not afford to hire a cook as well. So basically i have ONE thing to say to the people that think so negatively about Stat at home moms.
How about you come home from your job that is going NOWHERE and instead of getting on the computer to whine about stay at home moms and bloggers, PLAY WITH YOUR KIDS!
I dont think all mommy bloggers are stay at home moms either, most probably are, but a stay at home mom who might go to a gym for 2 hours EVERY day and put the kid in the daycare there is ok? At least we are home with the kids, still interacting or many wait until after they are asleep to blog and go online. People will jump on whatever bandwagon is popular at the moment and bashing mommy bloggers is in right now. like the mom who goes to the gym and drops her kid at the babysitting (which I think is fine by the way, women needs hobbies or jobs or things to keep them sane) people could say that is bad to, but they don’t, this is the in topic right now, people need to look at the whole picture before spouting off.
10 years ago when I had my son I worked full time plus some. I was a single mother and was lucky enough to have my mother take care of my son for me.
I’ve been married for 4 years to a wonderful man that works extremely hard so that I am able to stay home after having our daughter 2 years ago. I enjoy being a stay at home mom and do not take it for granted at all. I know what it’s like to miss things and I was not willing to do that with my second child.
I know plenty of working mother’s that blog as well. It’s not just stay at home mom’s that blog.
It’s not easy being a SAHM or a working mom. Both are equally difficult and both should be commended.
Oh yes, my child is so neglected. I blog ALL day long. I make her little 4 year old self COOK her own meals (and something for Mommy, too), do her own laundry, learn her letters, numbers & colors all by herself. I even make her do her own grocery shopping. How can I be bothered with all of those menial tasks? Can’t you see I am too busy eating bon bons while blogging?
Who knew that the 1950’s mentality towards women was alive and well in 2009? My Husband actually once told me that I needed to have the house clean and dinner made by the time he gets home. I told him that I was not Donna Reed and if he wanted her, he needed to go out and find the bitch himself!
Or he needed to get me whatever drugs those women were on then so that I could conform. He just looked at me. (I think he was afraid I was going to pull out the cast iron skillet! LOL)
We SAHMs get NO breaks, no good jobs, atta girls, promotions, merit raises…NOTHING. Most of us don’t even get adult interaction until our Husbands get home from work! And if we really got paid what we were worth for all we do , it would be a SIX FIGURE salary!!!
Anyway, here is the comment I left over at CNN:
WOW! Just WOW! These comments are amazingly ignorant and misogynistic. I am a stay at home Mom and it IS a job in itself. It is not EASY, as one commenter stated. There was an article a couple of years ago that stated that if a stay at home Mom got paid for everything she does daily, she would earn a six figure salary!
Anyone who says we have it easy obviously doesn’t have kids. Or is a moron.
I am very disappointed in the author quoting Liz Gumbinner. She wants everyone to “Blog With Integrity” when she can’t even do that herself. She wrote an article on BlogHer about Trisha’s PR Blackout that was filled with inaccuracies and half truths. When they were pointed out to her and she was given the sources to get the facts straight, she flat out refused to do so. She does things for traffic, the more inflammatory, the better.
I personally cannot stand behind a campaign created by someone who believes “Do as I say, not as I do” is an ethical way to blog.
Furthermore. i stand behind every word I write on my blog. If I make a mistake, I admit it and then correct it. That, my friends, is true integrity.
And yes, I have a blog. I like to write. I like to share my opinions. It doesn’t make me or anyone else a bad Mother. It does not cause us to neglect our children. I will also guarantee you that only a very small percentage of women bloggers make any significant amount of money from them. They are the exception, not the rule.
And for the record, I have never once approached a PR firm or company asking for a product to review; they have all come to me. But in order to properly review a product, you actually have to have it in your possession, right? So if it is a product I don’t own, I am not going to go out and buy it at the behest of some PR rep that I don’t know from Adam.
Therefore, the company has to send the product to the blogger. This isn’t rocket science kids.
That first one you C&Pd is just stupid. COddled and indulgent? You mean bright, well socialized and hilarious. I am thankful I get to see my children every day, watch them grow, see their personalities develop. So why the attack on SAHMs there?
As for attacking bloggy moms? Sigh. No comment. I think everyone is haters nowadays. It’s sad. Us against them. Us against Us. Them against them. Where is the love, peeps.
Oh man having a regular job would be much easier then staying home all day. My sister-in-law stopped working and says watching her kid is much harder then any job she’s had.
I get to blog during nap time…oh yeah depriving my child… i should be watching him sleep or something right?
I love you.
Allison wrote:
My sentiments exactly except I have just 3 children. I don’t think i would ever have my babies in care of anyone that isn’t family. I have read too many shaken baby stories and blogs to ever trust anyone.
@ MMJ:
I’m glad you found a great place to leave your child, and you’re lucky to have, because that’s not always the case. There are some great day care centers and providers, but there are also some that people just have no idea who they’re leaving their children with, or in what situation.
Many many years ago I worked as a delivery driver for a restaurant. In the town I was working there was a state licensed day care center that I frequently delivered to. It was located in a house, but not one where people lived, it was just used as a day care center. Well, one afternoon I delivered food there and knocked on the door, actually I knocked several times and no one answered. I could hear the kids inside so I opened the door and stepped in. The administrator wasn’t at her desk, which was just inside the front door, so I walked through the house. There were children sitting in front of a TV in the next room, so I stepped over the baby-gate separating the rooms and still didn’t find an adult. I went into two more rooms before I found the staff, standing in the kitchen chit-chatting.
It broke my heart that night. Those children were truly being ignored and what was worse is that anyone could have came in that door and kidnapped a child, and no one would have been the wiser, me going that far into the house approved it. I knew then that I could never leave my kids in a day care center, ever.
I mean, the parents that were leaving their children there thought it was great. It was state licensed and the staff had all undergone background checks and whatever, but in the end, they were just there for the paycheck, and the parents were clueless!
H.E.Eigler wrote:
Damn. Me too! To make time to work and blog we must really neglect our children! FREAKING IDIOTS! (I’m going to stop there)
Trish wrote:
Amen! Unlike my husband my job never ends.
This isn’t fair. I’m a full time working mom and I’ll be damned if I have strangers raising my daughter. After 4+ years I consider them family…so much that I’m dreading putting her in Kindergarten next year and having to start over. Putting my daughter in daycare/preschool (whole other debate!) has been the best thing for her hands down. They have given her so much more than I could have education wise. She is so smart because of all they’ve taught her and loves her teachers and friends.
I think there are pros and cons to each side…SAHM or WOHM. Regardless of which side you’re on – we should be supporting each other instead of tearing the other side down.
Andrea wrote: