In light of the whole Dyson thing I was thinking. You know, it seems like when someone mentions housework and women together, its assumed that its some 1950s view of how a marriage or household is and that its wrong that a woman “lowers herself.” While my house is far, far from a “traditional” house, I have to say that I am PROUD, not offended, to take care of my family.
I like to make dinner (when I don’t burn it), I love to buy my family things, I enjoy cleaning and am happy when the house is clean, I LIKE being a …gasp…wife.
I don’t feel suppressed or otherwise put down by being a “stay at home mom” and I don’t feel ashamed for enjoying what my (chosen) role is in my home. In fact, I don’t really do a great job at it half the time. I get so caught up in my business and my email and all the other random life things that sometimes im a big fat failure and neglect what my household responsibilities are.
But what I cant stand is that when I am proud to be a mom, proud to be a wife, that if I like to cook and clean and enjoy caring for the people in my life, that I have to feel defensive that I DO want those things. As if its some backwards way of thinking and I must have been oppressed or grown up in a household where the man is the boss and I am “just a woman”.
I am college educated, I am very smart, I am extremely dedicated and have tons of perseverance and I most certainly don’t need anyone to take care of me, financially or otherwise.
But I LIKE it.
I WANT my husband to take care of me. I WANT him to pay the bills. I want him to take out the trash and do the cat litter. I want him to take care of the yard and the cars. I want him to open doors for me and I want him to buy me presents.
I won’t feel sad if I never achieve something greater then just being who I am right now; a wife and a mother.
And I think its the greatest role of all.
~Trisha
I agree that you should be proud of whatever role that you have chosen to pursue in life. I loved working as a teacher but hated being away from my daughter for 10-12 hours a day. So I decided to start my own business as a web designer so that I could stay home. It was also cheaper for us to do this.
However, I love being a wife but I hate housework. I love cooking but I hate cleaning the kitchen. I never clean the bathroom but I do clean the living room and our bedroom. I don’t think that makes me less of a wife. I think what gets women up in arms is when they are told that if they are working outside of the home or don’t enjoy housework then they are not doing their wifely duties.
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YEAH!!! You go girl!!! I also enjoy staying at home and taking care of my husband. I will say he does help a lot in the house. I am also tired of the double standard, if you stay home and if not then you are abandon your kids.
I am so glad someone spoke up!
Thank you!
Hugs!!!
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We should all be proud of the things we do and the people who judge and criticize like they have (by blowing something they didnt even comprehend right) just shows the insecurities they themselves have.
I’m proud to WANT to clean or so on and so on
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I think we all have to do what is right for our family! If you are fine with your responsibilities and he is fine with his, it is noone else business, IMO!
I do think purchases over a certain amount require a family decision unless you have separate accounts or your own mad money you use!!!
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Ya know, I have to agree, but I have my own reasons as well. When I was working I was constantly cursing those women that fought to get us in the workplace way back when. I HATED all the pressure to work, be a fab mom, a loving wife and a kick ass homemaker. It was way too much for me. It just didn’t fit my personality. When I started staying home I got a lot of grief from working moms I know and it was hard. It shouldn’t be like that.
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You could not have said it better!
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You know, its not evena bout being a stay at home mom, its about just being proud that you can say i LIKE being a mom, i LIKE being a wife (if you are those things) without being looked at like you have 2 heads for not being something ELSE.
I work from home, very very hard, but im a mom before i work. Most days.
you know?
trisha
I always wanted to be a SAHM. My mom stayed home, as did both of my grandma’s, and so on down the line.
In high school as everyone was going off to college people were so excited about what they were going to major in. I had such a hard time deciding because I knew that I wanted to be a mom. I did graduate from college, and then I went back later on for more schooling. But I’m proud to say that I am a SAHM, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Well said
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Thanks for this post! I think it is good for moms to not feel guilty for ANY path they choose! It is wonderful to be proud to be a mommy! Being a mom is THE most important job anyone will EVER be given and it is so important to take that seriously
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Amen.
Thats so great you are so happy where you are at.
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I didn’t read all the comments, but AJ, you hit the nail on the head for me and my husband. We both grew up having to get ourselves ready for school and having parents who missed school things because they had to work. Add in that my mom pawned me off on my grandparents any chance she got. We – gasp- *wanted* one of us to stay home with our kids as long as we could afford it. It just so happens that it was me with the lower paying job so it’s me who quit to stay home.
I also agree that marriage is a partnership. My husband wouldn’t go out and buy a washer and dryer, refrigerator, new car, etc. without running it by me. I’d say about $50 and up we tend to discuss. And he especially comes to me because I’m the one paying our bills and running our budget. I just hand him money from the ATM every paycheck to cover his gas, smokes, and incidentals. He’s not a spender. My “allowance” covers our eating out and extras. I just can’t imagine not talking to my spouse about money and purchases. Although that’s where I’ve read a lot of marriages fail.
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I thought that the whole point of feminism was for women to be able to make CHOICES regarding their life’s priorities. It’s sad that some people don’t respect a woman’s choice when it is to put her family first.
I went to an Ivy League school and worked at some prestigious companies before I became a wife and (work at home) mom. NOTHING compares to being able to put my family as a priority above work.
I see it this way…at the end of life, you never hear of anyone saying, “Oh, I wish that I had spent more hours working”. Rather, people tend to regret the time lost not spending time/making memories with their loved ones!
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Wow… you so hit the nail on the head!! I became a SAHM this year and it is the most empowering thing I ever decided to do! I love being home with my girls instead of relying on others to take care of them! I love seeing the firsts first! Oh and I too love that my hubby does the manly stuff!
ROCK ON! Every mom deserves something nice no matter the price or situation. Dyson is giving us the chance to try something that we haven’t tried before w.o paying for it I’M ALL ABOUT IT!
I saw on at Sears the other day lifted it and was pretty damn impressed. I can’t wait to try it out.
Sarah, zoo keeper, I ALWAYS need taht reminder!! Especially this time of year when *I*, myself haven’t BOUGHT A SINGLE DAMN GIFT for anyone… it really sucks. ok.. need to stop.. LOL
blog post…coming…
Thanks for posting this Trisha.
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I totally agree with you Trisha! I think the feminists have really gone too far with all this equality crap. I don’t want to open my own door, of course I can do it, but I like it when my hubby does it for me. I also like that my husband is responsible for our finances. I’m very good at bargain shopping, I’m not good at all at restraining myself from taking part in every bargain that I find. I do hate cleaning though but love the cooking, sewing, organizing, etc…I don’t know why everyone wants to be so judgemental of everybody else.
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Amen, sister!
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I agree 6000%
There is nothing wrong with talking with each other about making a big purchase. I hate it when people “assume” that because I ask my husband before I make a big purchase that he’s an a** that walks all over me. Marriage is a partnership. If you were a partner in a company you wouldn’t make a huge decision without consulting the other partner. In my household buying a $500 vacuum is huge decision.
My Mother always worked…I was in daycare since I was 6 weeks old. I had to get myself dressed and to school because she had to be at work.
I feel so lucky that I have the chance to stay home with my kids and make sure they are ready in the morning. I love being there when they get home and that I can be here whenever they need me. I’m also very thankful that my husband works his butt off so I can!
Do not assume things about others. Just because you do things one way does not mean that the whole world should be like you.
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I couldn’t agree more with everything you said.
I grew up in a household where my mom was the full-time worker while my dad stayed home. I hated that I didn’t have a mother around. But I later learned that her working was not on neccessary but it was her personality. She would have been miserable being a SAHM.
I on the other hand always thought I would be just like her, never even wanted children. But life snuck in and changed all that for me. I’m proud of the “job” I do for my kids, my husband and my house. I couldn’t imagine being happy any other way.
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i don’t have time to respond how I would really like (the nap timer is ticking) but…some of my thoughts…
1. What’s so wrong with asking, talking, communicating with your significant other about making a big ticket purchase? If you can buy a $500 vacuum without your husband or wife getting a tad bit upset that you didn’t consult with them, then all power to ya! (and send some dough my way
) I am in a partnership with my husband so we talk, ask, whatever you call it, all the time about things for the house – he and I.
2 Being at home and taking care of the house and family is a JOB…a damn HARD, DIRTY job! And the pay is crap…well not really. I mean the kisses, hugs, “mommy, I love you”s are THE BEST, but they don’t pay the bills. So when you find something that might make your JOB easier, heck yeah you will be excited.
Think of it as a new awesome computer that’s going to help you with your business and cut your time in half, that’s how we feel about the Dyson.
3. A trial review is awesome – if it doesn’t work for us, then I don’t have to have this thing taking up space in our house after we’re over it. And Dyson pays me to ship it to another mom…no loss on my part!
Anyhow, I’ve got you back Trisha and from one mom to another…I TOALLY get you
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I completely agree with you. I think that’s the best aspect of being a woman is that we have the ability to be so many different things all in one. I think it’s the unhappy women who criticize everyone for being a “mom” and being a “traditional” wife. What’s wrong with traditional? Just like so many other things in life, if it makes you happy, keep doing it
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that should have said “in NO way was she demeaned”
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Ditto!
I am a huge fan of the old TV show Hart to Hart. Remember that one? I know it’s TV, but look at the roles… He was so totally a guy and she was VERY feminine. He protected her and opened doors and when something gruesome happened, she always hid her head in his shoulder. But she still was a very strong woman, had her own interests and likely never had to “ask permission” to do anything. The gender roles were very traditional, and often cliche but (millionaire status not withstanding) in way was she demeaned by her role.
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Very good points Trisha. I am a single mom so don’t have the option really of staying home, but should the opportunity arise one day, I would feel that it was an honor to be home with babies and also taking care of my home. Thanks for speaking up and sharing the feelings of so many that do not feel comfortable doing so.
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Sarah wrote:
We just had this conversation the other day. I was feeling bad that I wasn’t adding more as far as income to our house and Steve made it a point to remind me of how much I have cut out of the budget by staying home and about how much more peaceful our home is now than it was when I was working. I think sometimes I get bogged down in the everyday repetition and routine and I forget that this at home “gig” is just as important as any other job I could have.
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may I sit on that bench with you Trisha!!??
I couldn’t agree with you more!
What is wrong with wanting your man to treat you like a gentleman should? Nothing!
Maybe if this was front and center in society again the world would take a change for the better. This is not to say women should be at home all day or have 100% of the work load at home! I tell people all the time, I am a stay at home mom, not a housewife! My boys ( including my hubby) will always come before the dishes in my sink or the piles of laundry!
I think what is important is finding the place in life that you feel happy, content and loved. Everyone’s home is different what works for one household won’t work for the next.
Great post!
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You go girl! I agree with you. I am a wife and mother of 5 and I love it. I stay at home and work from home and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I do not feel supressed at all.
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you know who you are and you’re content. should never have to defend yourself for any reason. my nature is just to shrug it off. i have this saying, “You are not defined by what others say, what they think, or what they expect of you.”
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