Recently a blogger shared with us a link to another blog that put up reasons to be proud, or rather Flaunt your beliefs as a parent. I do not want to go under attack on this person, she responded very respectfully to my opinion on her post, but she isn’t the first person to put up a post like this, or the last, and I wanted to discuss it.

Where do you draw the line as a parent blogger? What are your beliefs and are they personal or do you believe you have to share or push them?

It took me many years and to come across many women to realize that parenting is something that happens to you that you experience as a sole person and only with the circumstances you are presented with at that moment. Your choice to breastfeed or not is not just influenced by what you think or thought, but how you feel, your abilities around you, your family, your friends, your child, your body, and a slew of other highly unpredictable situations. Your choice to attachment parent…same thing. Paci? Circumcision? Same thing. I could go on and on.

In fact, what you choose with one child, may not be the choice you have with the second, so I suppose we should all be careful not to put our foots in our mouths too much.What you believe before you have a child may change the moment they are placed in your arms.

Charlotte was a child with a paci. I was that parent. She was over 3 when we finally took it from her and it was because my DH put his foot down and made me. 2 days later it was but a memory. It was probably one of the hardest things we had to do as parents, therefore I don’t judge a parent with a child with a paci. I just smile and nod. I don’t know their circumstances. She is now a child with a blankie. I pick my battles and that is not one of them.

But when I responded to this blogger that I felt the post was a bit condescending and everyone should be proud of their choices no matter who they are, she responded “The point of this article is not to judge anyone that has made different choices than I have.”

However, I reread the article to make sure I felt that….and when I read this:

• Brag about how healthy your kids are as a result of breastfeeding and how you’re glad you’ll be breastfeeding through the whole cold season. Neither of my kids has been sick enough to need to see a doctor while still breastfeeding and my son who weaned 1.5 years ago has only been sick once since weaning.
• If another parent complains about how tired she is, tell her how well rested you are as a result of co-sleeping. Let her know that your baby wakes up less often as a result of being next to you and that you hardly wake up at all when you do need to tend to her needs.
• Effortlessly glide through crowds, saunter across rough surfaces, navigate your way through doors and up and down stairs easily, because you are using a baby carrier instead of a stroller.
• When your friend mentions needing to go and find somewhere to warm up a bottle while you are out shopping at the mall, say “you go ahead, if you don’t mind, I’ll just keep browsing the books while my baby nurses in the sling“.

Is it me, or do those things sound condescending to parents that either didn’t choose those choices or couldn’t choose them? They don’t feel proud to me. They feel rude. And if a “friend” acted high and mighty if I had to warm a bottle, I don’t really think she is a good friend. In fact, a good friend would say…let me come with you!

My response is:

• I didn’t breastfeed that long (breastfed 6 weeks, pumped a few months, formula fed the rest) but Charlotte has only been to the doctor outside of regular checkups one time in 4 years when she contracted the rotovirus during a move cross country. So formula didn’t warp her and turn her into a yellowing sickly child. She was very healthy. I guess we are on the same playing field there. Difference circumstances, different choice, same outcome.
• Also, I coslept till 9 weeks before I dropped her in her crib and I was  well rested too…why? Cause she was in her own bed and I could roll around without being scared. I was always afraid I would roll over on her or something and I spent many sleepless nights because it. I also am a light sleeper and not listening to her rustle, was helpful for me.It made us both better people to NOT sleep together. She is, in fact, a flawless sleeper and at 4 years old, still takes a 2 hour nap in the day and sleeps from night till morning with no problems, and always has. She also gets up to use the bathroom on her own and tucks herself back in. I think we are on an even playing field there too… Difference circumstances, different choice, same outcome.
• Stroller? Well, I’m 5′1″ and weight 104. As soon as my child became 25% of my personal body weight, it got a bit difficult, and dangerous, to attach her to my body. I also liked having a stroller. I got to put all my shopping bags below, carry a lunch, and lean on something when I got tired.  Again, difference circumstances, different choice, same outcome.

My point is that we are all experiencing the same results or we wouldn’t be doing them! One side isn’t more special and gets a cookie for Parent of the Year, kwim?

I wanted to bring in a new list, one that all parents can Flaunt.

1) Breastfeeding: Breastfeeding and bottle feeding have come a long way. Choose what is right for you. No matter what you do, someone is judging you. They will judged you for a breast out, they will judge you for a bottle out, so does it really matter? Its your personal choice, your personal research, your situation with your husband, child, and doctor. Your relationship with your child is a personal bond that will be created no matter how you feed your child. You love your child and they love you.  Also, there will always be a formula fed baby with perfect health and a breastfed baby with terrible health and a breastfed baby with perfect health and a formula fed baby with terrible health. Get it?

2) Co sleeping- If you cant sleep cause your child is in bed with you, get them out. If you cant sleep cause your child is in another room, bring them in. Do what is right for your child, with those circumstances, at that time. Many countries cosleep till adulthood and many kick them out at 6 to get a job. There is no right, there is no wrong, there is only you.

3) Attachment parenting- Some swear by it, some rip it to shreds. I didn’t experience it but have friends that do and they seem the same amount of happy that I am. They love their child the same amount I love mine.

I could go on and on, my advice is still the exact same. Can we stop putting out information on the web that insults one section of the people and leaves the other out?  Life is going to bring on a lot of judgments. Our cars, our homes, our jobs, our hair, if we mowed our lawn this week, if we went to college,  if our kids went to college….do we really need to be bragging how we feed our child or how we sleep with our child or how we care for our family?

What we need to do is be supportive of ALL women, ALL mothers and lift them up. Isn’t it hard enough with a newborn then to have people making us second guessing our choices? The web is the worst for that. You go on to find something out about lets say epidural and you find 100 women that say they would have died from the pain without it and another 100 that claims your drugging your baby and your a terrible mom if you do it. Its almost impossible to even feel support anymore.

Here is what I want you to do for me. In the comments tell me something that you wish someone would have told you before you became a parent.

Mine would be….. I tried breastfeeding, pumping, and formula. I gave each one of these things several months before deciding what was right for my family. I have a happy, healthy child, I was a happy, healthy mom. My choices changed sometimes daily. I wish someone would have told me that I am not a failure for choosing one over the other and that if holding onto something makes me internally miserable, then to let it go.

You are NOT a failure. Even if the internet says so.

~Trisha