Comments on: Judgment? Or just being proud..

By: JulieR

JulieR — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 20:46:23 +0000

I breastfed, co-slept, and sling wore my daughter but I too found the original post to be condescending. My sister-in-law has a son the same age as my daughter, she bottle fed, used a crib and had 3 strollers. Both kids are happy, healthy, well adjusted kids, with happy, proud moms.

By: Mommy Musings

Mommy Musings — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 19:38:23 +0000

I agree. I think we have a lot in common, even our height.

By: Becky

Becky — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 17:07:51 +0000

Loved this post! I have a 14 month old and so many women feel like they can offer their advice to you and you should view it as the only true way.

As for breastfeeding, I truly wanted to do it for a year. It was not my favorite part of being a mother and due to an illness I had to stop at 6 months. I have to admit, I did feel guilty because so many people said I should. It’s one of the only times I ever have felt guilty. My little guy was on formula after wards and there have never been any repercussions. In fact, the only time he had to go to the doctor’s was when he was nursing. Go figure that one.

Anyway, my advice would be do what is best for you as a mother and for your family. What works for me will not necessarily work for you. I have no problem with my child crying it out to learn to sleep. Sure it broke my heart, but we are a much happier family now. A friend of mine could not endure that and she found a way to help her cope with sleeping. As mothers, I really feel we have insights into our children that no other person does. We need to follow those instincts and focus on being a mother to our children instead of criticizing others.

By: fantacy

fantacy — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:02:17 +0000

“In the comments tell me something that you wish someone would have told you before you became a parent.”
It is actually something that my grandma, who was basically my mom when I was young, told me shortly after I had my first baby that has helped me nearly every day since she told me…
I was an 18 yr old student and mom, my precious perfect 3 month old baby had colic (I can say “precious & perfect” now b/c this has been almost 14 yrs ago…at the time it probably would have come out as “demon possessed projectile vomiting imp” but that is a whole other story). My Mamaw lived a few blocks from me and we spent time together every day. This particular day, I was tired, I was flustered, I was frustrated, I was done being a mom already….I called Mamaw and told her I couldn’t take it, I knew I could never hurt my baby but after hours of holding this screaming squirming little mess I realized how bad things happen when people don’t know how to handle a situation or they don’t have someone like my Mamaw to turn to. I told her I was a complete failure as a mom and I just couldn’t do it (hubby worked every day so I rarely got a break from it). She asked if he was wet? hungry? something pinching him? any tags scratching him from his clothes? no…no….no…no (you get the gist) She told me to lay him down in his bed and walk outside on the porch, she would be over soon. I told her again how hard he was still crying and she told me as long as I had checked over him, he would be fine for the 5 minutes it took her to get to my house so I did what she said. When she got there, she checked on him, made him a “sugar tit” (I am sure to get ridiculed for that one ), and came back out on the porch. She then told me the single most useful bit of information I have ever heard…”Do you love him? When you look at your baby do you love him?” “OF COURSE!” “Do you like him right now? Do you like being a mom right now” I busted out bawling, even SHE could see what a horrible mom I was…”I hate being around him right now, I don’t hate him but I hate being around my own baby!” She put her arm around me and told me “You don’t always have to LIKE being around your kids honey…you always have to love them…always protect them and care for them, but you don’t always have to LIKE them…do you seriously think that I liked you ALL the time when you were growing up?! (insert laughter)” She went on to say that anyone who absolutely likes their children all the time either needs some help from men in white coats or they haven’t spent enough time being a parent (her words not mine…that is not a knock on people who enjoy their time with their kids, I enjoy it but I don’t always like their attitude or their screaming or their…ya know)
Knowing that not liking my kids (or my hubby or myself even) all the time doesn’t make me a horrible person has freed me up to know that “this too shall pass” and there are always WAY more good times than bad, but the bad times make me appreciate when things are going smoothly!

By: Rebekah

Rebekah — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 12:43:46 +0000

I think if it’s your blog you can post what you want. The main reason we post things is to create a discussion and get comments. I do think you have to be respectful of other people. For example, I think it is perfectly fine to write a post about how I chose not to breastfeed and why I thought it was such a great idea and why I support that decision without attacking someone who chooses the opposite. Does that make sense? Someone once told me that there is a big difference between having an opinion and being opinionated. I think she was very right!

By: Mama Bub

Mama Bub — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:19:36 +0000

I wish someone would have told me that I could buy all the books in the world and I would still have to figure out what works for best for us on my own. I also wish someone would have told me that mom friends are priceless, but can also be lethal. Choose your mom friends with caution.

By: Maria M (Conversations with Moms)

Maria M (Conversations with Moms) — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 23:24:12 +0000

It hasn’t been that long since I’ve been following your blog but I find myself getting more and more hooked.

I wish someone would have told me before I became a parent that EVERYONE would at one point give me some advice as to how I SHOULD be doing something differently.

I wish someone would have told me it’s o.k to do it your way. It doesn’t make you a bad parent.

My son used a Paci until 1 year old when everyone started telling me he was too old. I removed it and he started to Suck his thumb. He’s now 4yrs old and still sucks it sometimes to go to sleep. I should have kept the Paci. Oh, and he still love his blankie.

I never did co-sleeping and my oldest was sleeping 4-5 hours straight after 1 week.

By: Victoria

Victoria — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 22:03:19 +0000

I wish someone had told me exactly what you said! There is no “right” way. Do what works for you and your family. Ask for advice, if you want to, but don’t feel like you have to raise your child a certain way just because someone told you that was what worked for them.

I am a part of a group call MOPS (Mother’s of Preschoolers). It is a Christian based international organization that strives to get mom’s in touch with each other to form a support system. We have had several older women, mothers, who have come to speak and one theme that they all seem to share is, “Don’t do guilt.” Don’t make yourself feel guilty about the way you raise your kid. As long as you are doing your best to love them and care for them, they aren’t going to care 10, 15, 20 years form now whether or not you breast fed them or co-slept with them. They are just going to remember being loved and cared for. We’re all human, we’re all going to mess up, we just have to do the best we can as moms.

By: mommyof2cutiepies

mommyof2cutiepies — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:53:18 +0000

Fantastic post! I chose not to breastfeed for very long too. My son was my first. He was the healthiest child and still is. He is also in the top of his class. My daughter was my second and my breastmilk actually kept her in the hospital for “breastmilk jaundice” – she went through so much and the hospital staff kept telling me to breastfeed. Breast is best they would tell me. Little did they know it was making her terribly sick. I cringe when I think of it. It’s best to do what’s right for you and your family. Thank you for your thoughts Trisha. I completely agree.

By: Tracye

Tracye — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:49:37 +0000

I breastfed both of mine for a year. My daughter was sick all. the. time. She had a month-long ear infection that finally resulted in her getting tubes in her ears.

My son is rarely sick. Although he did get rotavirus at three months. Before he’d ever set foot in a daycare setting or tasted a drop of formula. He was ready to give up breastfeeding before he was one, but I pushed it. It wasn’t fun those last couple of months. Maybe I should have let it go, but I wasn’t ready.

I don’t (and never did, hopefully never will) sleep with my kids. I need my sleep, and I’m just too aware of them in the room, much less in the bed. I’m afraid that I’ll roll over on them (which happens frequently) and hurt or suffocate them. Hubs had to work a case when that’s exactly what happened. A Mom and Dad were asleep, one of them rolled over and blocked the baby’s face. When they woke up the next morning after a long night’s sleep, baby was dead. Sad, but it happens. I’d rather not be a part of that statistic. I wouldn’t have them sleeping in a bassinet next to the bed or attached to the bed, either. But that’s just because I hear every tiny sound they make and wake up. I’m a better mom when I get a few hours sleep, then walk across the house to get them and feed them, then get a few more hours. For me it’s better than dozing for a few minutes, until I’m awakened by them snoring or snuffling or just making baby noises.

I don’t wear them, because honestly, I’d rather fight with a stroller than have an aching back. Maybe that’s not part of the equation (I don’t know; I’ve never tried it), but I also like having a place for drinks/snacks/shopping bags, too.

I certainly don’t look down on anyone whose choices aren’t the same as mine.

As long as they’re loving and caring for their children the best they can, that’s all anyone should ever expect.