Major Bloggy Drama
Now this is wonderfully bizarre. If any of you read my interview about me, you know that I was pretty honest that I have zero relationship with my biological mom. I can count on 2 hands, maybe one hand, the contact that we have had over the years. Trust me, it was a shock when I got a call from her when I was PG.
This is what I wrote in that blog about her:
My childhood: I didn’t really have a mom. Of course I have one, but I have honestly probably seen her in person 8 times in my life. I may be over counting, I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt. She gave me up to my dad in the 70’s when I was about a year old and he took custody of me. She was, and remains, and alcoholic. I’m not sure if i should be sad about it or not. I sometimes think if she dies, if I will even go to the funeral. My dad remarried my stepmom, and she was my stepmom till they divorced when I was about 16. My dad remarried, my stepmom remarried. My stepmom was murdered by her new husband after she filed for divorce for abuse. He broke into her house and shot her and then himself. This was my brother and sisters mom. My dad has a new wife and has been with her for about 13 years, give or take. She is wonderful, but my brother and sister will never like her because they lost their mom and feel she is a replacement. (picture: my sister and I)
My dad always taught me its better to forgive or better to just look the other way and be nice. People are people, and the live, they die, they have problems, failures, rewards, and its better to TRY then to not try. So I always sent graduation cards and when I got married, I sent an invite, those kinds of things, to my ‘mom’. Nothing. Silence.
But then when I had Charlotte, she appeared again. Ok, so I let her try. She even sent Charlotte a travel system and a nice toy box, which she still uses. But that’s it. So no contact since Dec 2005.
Then, randomly, I get an email through MomDot from her stepdaughter. Now “mom” referred to as Patty for the rest of the blog here, has another family, and I am VERY happy for her that she has that family. But I dont know her kids at all. I have never met them or even talked to them. I guess its a lose form of the word of stepsiblings. I mean, not only am I 30 years old with no relationship with this woman, but I haven’t met her other family, so its sorta pointless to start one now, kwim? We live in other states as it is. I was shocked to say the least. Santa Claus could have emailed me and it would have been less of a shock.
Back to the email. I got an email THROUGH the blog from her stepdaughter about a blog I did on my hair. I didnt even know what to say. I didnt email back. I just felt awkward. I am positive the girl is really nice, I am sure of that, but I don’t know her. And i was also wondering how she found my blog. I think she is around the 13-15 year old range.
Days pass…I get this comment in my holding over here just now...it says:
Trisha’s Mom
maybe i will tell the truth on the internet for everyone to read i bet your dad would love that, as far as attending my funeral or not,
i would not want you to go out of your way to attend,maybe then you ill let me rest in peace instead of all of the lying going on in your blogs, i bet this doesn’t get into our blog what an awkward moment it would be for you to read the real truth about your dad and i
So i wanted to print it and show…yes, it did go on my blog. And I did write her back and I said:
Patty, there is nothing truthful you could ever say. You have not even made an attempt to call me since Charlotte was a year old….thats been three years now. I have been nice to you over the years because my dad made me. You lied to ME as a child and it hurt a lot. You used to tell me cards nad presents and all sorts of things were on the way…and they never showed up. 10 years in a row. But its doubtful you remember because you were so hopped on alcohol my entire life. I haven’t heard from your parents since i was 10 years old. I cant even tell you what the Julians looked like.
Listen, im not mad at you for it, im a very good mom BECAUSE of it, so please stop spying on me and considering me your daughter. Because you havent been a mother. Atleast you have not been one to ME.
I dont think its a good idea for you to read what I write, because honestly, your not a valid part of my life and the only part i will ever write about you, is what you read. Not because I don’t want to, but because you have given me zero memories.
I wish you a lot of luck with your other family.
Take care.
That wasn’t the reunion I was thinking I would have. And what kind of tacky person would come to, who is supposed to be their child, and start saying “truth about your dad and I” . Dude, its been like 28 years since yall were together. What truth? Do I care? I really don’t care if y’all fought or argued or whatever you did. It doesn’t erase self responsibility over the years, does it.
I can guarantee you that if Chris and I divorced, Charlotte would still be my number 1. Then again, I dont drink.
tiffany (94)
Angela G (51)
Darci (25)
Nancy (19)
shawn (12)
24 Comments
I’m sorry you have to deal with all of this.
yikes. Sorry you had to go threw that. I too know what its like not to have your bio-mother in your life all the time.
Sounds like something my father would pull. I’m sorry you have to deal with such bs from someone who has never been there. You’re doing a great job with your life and daughter, kudos and hugs to you!
Oh my gosh Trisha!!! If I were her, I would have been to ashamed to even comment!! Kudos to your dad for raising such an awesome woman!!
i’m so sorry your mom crapped out on you like that and she must have some maturity issues as well to write to her daughter that way. She’s obviously not ready to deal with her mistakes much less in black and white yet. I hope one day that she will be able to apologize to you and mend fences… You ARE doing a great job with Charlotte and I’m sure that if she took the time to see she would be so proud of what an awesome job you are doing.
Trisha your an awesome momma! and your awesome for being stron g and staying strong! Her issues are just that~~HERS! Her past mistake that she has to live with are just that~~HERS! and IFFF she’s learned anything about being clean is she should NOT have contacted you and started a fight…DUH!
Trisha,
I am so sorry that this happened to you! It never helps that it had to be on the world wide web. Please don’t let her guilt trip you! You are a wonderful person and we wouldn’t want you any other way!
So sorry Trisha!
wow! i am utterly speechless! i am so sorry they had to find you thru momdot like that tho.
(((HUGS))) from another person with a messed up mom to another. I haven’t spoken to my mom in 5 years, and we even went as far as to put her on “the list” here on post. If she shows up at the gate, the MP’s are to turn her around and send her on her merry way.
Aw Trisha {hugz}. Sorry that you had to deal with such BS. You have had some trying times in your life and I commend you for staying strong and building a great family in spite of the lack of mothering (or maybe to spite the lack of mothering). Be strong. Well, you already are. We are here for you.
It makes me even more grateful for my parents. WE don’t have that kind of drama. The only way we get any of that is from Beloved’s family and they’ll tell you straight up that there are crazies in the mix. At least it’s honest drama. Keep giving your best to Charlotte – you couldn’t be more different.
gosh, my heart goes out to you.
That really sucks, and I’m sorry you have to go through it. Despite her ridiculousness, you’ve done just fine for yourself, a true testament to how great of a father your father was without her. You don’t need that. *hugs*
Trisha I’m sorry you are having to deal with such simply put B.S. Its not fair to you or your family.
Oh now that is just surreal….wow. Obviously she still has issues. I cannot imagine the myriad of feelings that you must have experienced due to all of this. But we know you are a GREAT mom and Charlotte knows that and thats what counts.
Hugz!
That’s incredible! She doesn’t talk to you forever and then contacts you like that and with that tone – what a terrible thing to do. I agree with Cat’s post 100%. I am sooooo sorry. Good thinking on the blocking. UG!
Yikes. I’m so sorry that happened. Here you are trying to do good work and someone has to come and be all jealous and poop on your party.
No, its her, she has the same email address from the LAST time i talked to her, like about 3 years ago. It was also in the comment thing (and her IP, which i subsequently blocked from my blog).
I’m so sorry you are going through all this drama.
Now don’t get mad, but can I just ask – are you sure this is your “mom” and not some really sick troll? I’m only asking because it seems kind of funny that they would contact you through the blog and not in another way.
total bloggy drama. overwhelming and exhausting to deal with this kind of stuff. and with googlestalking anyone can find anyone….i admire you for posting all this on your blog so it is “out” there for everyone to see and gives you a place to share your emotions. Posting the comments “Patty” sent you just so it’s out there on the blog was a great idea. And clearly more people read our blogs than we realize huh? Hang in there MomDot.
Wow. Good for you for standing up for yourself. You are not the one that should feel bad IMO. Sounds like you’ve done everything you can.
Wow! That’s so weird your “step sister” found Momdot in the first place. Did she google your name or something?
I’m so glad you’ve chosen to take the high road and be a good mom to Charlotte. So many other people in your situation wouldn’t know how to handle being a mom and would repeat the cycle. It really is amazing what you’ve overcome.
Trisha…I can’t even begin to imagine the emotions you have from all of this, and I truly believe she made you a great mother because she wasn’t one. Whatever past her and your father had, it has nothing to do with you or abandoning your child. Shame on her for trying to make that part of this.