I grew up poor. Not as poor as some, but pretty darned poor nonetheless. My mom dropped out of college when she found out she was pregnant with me and worked K-mart and a do-nut shop full time to provide for me. Then she married a guy she thought would be a great father.
Only he sucked at being a man and providing for his family.
Nonetheless, she had 4 kids with him and they fought all the time about money. Mostly because he worked crappy jobs and didn’t even try to work a job that would provide for a family of 4 kids. His jobs included McDonalds, Pizza Hut, and Food 4 Less. All entry level positions, not a single management position.
So we were on food stamps, eating from food pantries and using WIC my entire childhood. Still, my mom did her best to instill money values in us early. When we were at Wal-Mart she would tell us, “God provides for all our needs. Not our wants. Do you need that? Will you die without it?”
I learned early the difference between a want and a need. Of course I was home-schooled so all that peer pressure to get “stuff” wasn’t on me yet. But I learned it all the same.
They finally divorced when I was in middle school.
By this time I was pissed at him for making my life hell by not having a decent job when he had plenty of offers. My mom was working full time as a CNA and I was in charge of the 4 (yes four by this time) siblings. I learned that even a $5 book in a book order at school came with a price.
When I asked my mom why my friends had Nike shoes and I shopped at Wal-Mart she said they had credit cards.
She was not going to pay for anything with credit because by the time you pay the interest you paid $75 for $50 shoes. “Plus,” she added, “they might think they are rich but they are very poor if they are in debt. It will catch up
to them.”
So to this day I refuse to use credit.
I don’t spend my money willy nilly on something that catches my eye. My daughter only has the clothes she needs (maybe more if I find it at a garage sale!) and my husband laughs when I ask him if I can buy myself a new pair of shoes. He doesn’t get how odd it feels to spend even $25 on myself on a want.
Wants are luxuries in my eyes.
Has your past influenced you? Did your parents raise you with financial values?
Annie
~Guest Writer for MomDot
We had money problems when I was growing up, we were on food stamps because my dad had a back injury. But dad always had money for the newest stereo equipment and album he wanted. It just wasn’t fair to us, we sometimes didn’t have the money for toilet paper, but dad had the newest and best sound system. I swore my kids would never go hunger or be without clothes or anything they needed.
we have very similar childhood experiences (even down to the no-good step-father). the difference is my mom didn’t teach us the value of a dollar, savings, etc…I had to learn financial resonsibility the hard way, like when I got to college and applied for every credit card offer…I had to dig myself out of debt. Lesson learned. It will be different with my kid(s)
Great post.
My mom was raised similarly w/ regards to wants and needs-although she wasn’t poor. My grandmother was a product of the depression and so learned to be frugal. When she was raising my siblings and I she was the exact opposite and very indulgent, so as an adult realizing that I couldn’t always get what I wanted was a tough lesson. I am now teaching my children about spending/saving and feel that they will be much better prepared when they enter adulthood.
Annie – I WISH that I had brought my son up this way. At 26 he has NO respect for money and spends it on FOOLISH things. Sometimes I want to just SHAKE HIM and ask why he spends over $100 a WEEK on fast food, coffee out, and silly things that don’t last. I suppose it’s my fault as he is an only child and the ONLY grandchild and was spoiled as a result.
$100 a week? Wow! I can understand your frustration. Next week I will be writing about my husband – he was raised completely opposite of me and yet has a pretty good handle on money I think. There is still hope for your son
Wants and needs…so many people need to learn the difference. Great post!
Annie–
How awesome–a guest post!!
Secondly…I think we must be long lost sisters lol. I am the oldest of four…and had a lot of responsibility placed on my shoulders…responsibilities that shouldn’t have been mine as early as the age of 9. It’s bittersweet looking back though…because it made me the person I am today.
I know how it is to ask if it’s OK to buy a new pair of pants/shoes/etc….and have your husband look at you like you’re insane. If your hubby is anything like mine he tells you that you deserve it and to spend it…God will provide what we need….and even then…you still might not buy them even if you do need them…because of guilt.
I learned so much from my parents…good and bad…but I’m grateful for the experience because there are things that to this day I refuse to do because of how it affected me.
I ♥ you Annie.
Your mom taught you well! It’s not important to have the nice things. It’s important to be clothed. I was brought up pretty poor, too, though my dad worked hard and we didn’t end up on food stamps or anything. We didn’t have nice things, and I often outgrew my clothes a few months before anyone could afford to replace them.
My parents didn’t do a very good job educating me financially. They never had any solid anti-debt principle (I now do), and they never had a savings account. (shudder, I know). I imagine when they’re too old to work, they’ll be dependent on me, but I’m hoping they’ll find some way to get out of debt and start saving before then. Frankly, my parents’ relationship with money scares me.
I will NOT allow the way I was raised to think about money seep into my thinking as an adult. My kids are going to know better than to rely on frivolous debt, and they are surely going to know that saving is not only possible, but necessary. I love my parents. They are truly the best people in the world. I wish I could respect them in this area of their lives, but I just don’t.