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Have you seen the reality TV show “More To Love” yet? Even if you dont watch reality or dating TV, you probably have heard about this show. Its based on the fact that the “average size reality TV show contestent is a size 2, but the average size american woman is a size 12“.
OK.
This is going to come off bad no matter HOW I say it, so i’ll just say it: this show infuriates me.
No, you do not have to be ‘skinny’ to date. Or to be loved. And in fact, if the average size is 12 in America, I dare say that your most likely going to choosing from another overweight person as it is.
The only message I see in this show is that its OK to give up. There is a difference in accepting yourself and giving up. Accepting yourself is like knowing your bald and that bald is beautiful. You accept what you cannot change.
But many of these women have convinced themselves that someone has to ‘love them for them’ rather than “I should change for me”. Most of these women are young with no kids. What’s the freaking problem? When I had no child and no husband, I was so thin just by moving all the time, going dancing, being outdoors, and watching what I ate.
And before you think it, my entire family has a weight problem. I am not genetically thin. In fact, I am actually not thin. I have too much weight on my sides, I have skin the same as any mother does, and I have that tell-tale pooch. But I am not obese and I know when to put down that chocolate cake so I don’t get that way.
At what point did we find it acceptable to be overweight? To capitalize on it? Not everyone WILL be a size 2, but everyone should be height/weight proportionate. Being thin does not mean you are healthy, but being obese always means your unhealthy.
2 out of 3 adults are overweight and 1 out of 3 are obese. And our kids? One out of 5. Aside from health risks like heart disease, diabetics, and cholesterol, lets not forget the biggie of SELF ESTEEM. Dont we all remember how hard it was to be a kid? The fat kid, the short kid, the kid that had pimples, glasses, braces. Why add to that? And yes, there is a direct relation to a parents size and the type of adult our children turn into.
Now before anyone gives me the lecture on their thyroid or thier underlying health problems, you have to agree that that is not the majority of Americas issues. Its too much soda, fast food, and sitting on your ass. As a whole, America spends too much time on the computer and not enough time at the park. Am I right or am I right?
We have to teach our kids to make healthy choices. Do I let Charlotte have snacks. Yes. But I also know I am doing something right when the other day out to eat I let her choose between her sides. It was french fries, salad, or fruit and she choose….wait for it…….the salad.
But the show gets better. I am watching it last night and the thing that really appalled me was one woman judging the other woman for not being fat enough for long enough.
“She didn’t know what it was like to not fit into your prom dress.”
WTF.
Oh. My. God.
Get over yourself.
If you don’t want to be fat, don’t be fat. Go to the GYM. Yes, its hard work. REALLY REALLY hard work. It takes time. Patience. For most people its like joining boot camp to go to the gym. I get it. I suck at it too. It took me a YEAR to lose the baby weight from pregnancy. But I am going to live for 80+ years, so isn’t it worth the time? I should hope so!
This show makes me mad in the fact that we got so lackadaisical and worried about ‘accepting’ everyone (which by the way the show proves that we don’t. They still even judge each other…gasp! Shocking! NOT.) that we use it as an excuse to not put in the hard work to change.
Americans are lazy.
Go ahead, get mad at me, tell me I am wrong, that I don’t know, but I do. I have a grandmother that is literally dying from obesity. My grandmother is 63 years old, probably as old as some of my visitors mothers. She is young. But she is dying from weight. I lost my great grandmother to it. My aunt had lapband surgery at just over 30 years old.
What they need to do is put up a reality TV show based on motivation, self esteem, confidence, and start passing on those traits to our children. Then maybe we would stop eating ourselves into a depressed stupor and “accepting” it as the norm.
~Trisha
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I have not seen this show – and though I had the idea that you were only angry at the show, your post seemed angry also at “fat” people in general. I’m not sure I completely understand your determination of what “fat” is. All through high school and my first year of college I was 135-140 pounds, 5’6″, busty and butty (36-26-38!). Now I’m roughly 175 – and bustier and bootier than ever! I do not have children yet. My husband has a sort of.. well.. fetish. For a soft body. Kinda surprising that he fell for me I guess, but apparently he isn’t too shallow
When I met him (end of high school), I was thin, curvy, and had a tight bod. You could somewhat see (and definitely FEEL) my ribs, and several other bones protruding further than my stomach and thighs. I did a lot of hateful things to myself to stay that thin over the years, and I still have trouble completely loving myself sometimes. But my husband loves the way I look more than anything else in the world, and I’ve never been happier! – Even though I am heavier! – Studies prove that women with a little more weight on them tend to live longer. I’m not saying 300 pounds is healthy.. there is a point where the human body of whatever height/strength cannot hold up any longer.. completely specific to each person. But if someone is genuinely happy with the way they are (whether anybody else is or not), they shouldn’t be judged as being “lazy,” and not saying no to chocolate cake. I sure as hell don’t stuff my face like the Pillsbury dough boy! I work (my job is highly active, always on my feet), go to school full time, and my husband and I are active – we may not go to the gym together, but we go on walks, go bowling, camping.. we do things we enjoy doing together (he’s more the body building type 
This attitude in our society, however, impacts some persons much more than others – I have never known my mother to not be on some sort of diet! It’s just not in her family’s genes to have and keep a tiny body – and my bod is EXACTLY like hers. I learned to hate my body and to always try to make it smaller. Just this spring, she told me how she and my dad went on a 30 or 40-day fast.. for “spiritual” reasons, of course. But she couldn’t WAIT to tell me she’d lost like.. 30 pounds. Now, she has gone from a sexy 180-pound mother of three to 135 pounds with barely any boobs. She said that the way I look now (42DD-32-45) is unattractive. Personally, I think I’m sexy
So.. that’s what I think about people judging others based on their size. Being height/weight PROPORTIONATE? It is such a matter of opinion. By the way, anyone who uses one of those automatic BMI calculators (online or elsewhere) – IT IS COMPLETELY USELESS. This is not directly to you, the poster, but whoever uses those pieces of crap. Seriously. Go to a doctor if you want to know if you are healthy. Being healthy isn’t just your size and what an instant “body mass index” calculator tells you. For example – I have always had a good amount of muscle mass for a female. I just do. So does my brother. My sister, on the other hand, does not, at ALL. Muscle is denser than/weighs more than fat. Your BMI calculator won’t factor that in for you.
As far as the TV show.. I don’t watch those (mainly because we don’t have cable or anything). We watch shows such as House, Good Eats, The Big Bang Theory.. I wouldn’t expect a “reality TV show” to have any decent actresses/actors or scripts. People are snots whether thin, curvy, fat, pretty, ugly, or average. No one will act differently because of their size.
It is very stupid that you think this show is encouraging people to “give up.” Maybe they don’t have the desire you do to be little. Maybe they want to have a full body, hm? Not so much giving up as loving themselves. Maybe they used to be thin and wanted to gain some weight. Maybe a few of those women you scorn used to be sticks with no bust or butt. I know I haven’t “given up” and it’s insulting that some woman would ever assume such a thing. Not everyone has such a desire to change their body. And you know what? Not all men want a thin woman. A whole BUNCH of men want curvier women. You know of a thing called a tummy fetish? TONS OF MEN ARE OBSSESSED WITH WOMEN’S BELLIES. Crazy, I know.
If those women are happy with their size(s), LET THEM BE HAPPY. Maybe they don’t WANT to be thin. Just like you don’t want to be fat. Just because you’re littler than they are doesn’t mean they all think you starve yourself, or work out 6 hours a day, or only eat a single serving of vegetables/fruit for every meal. God forbid you drink lemonade with sugar in it.
I’m all for living a healthy lifestyle, but don’t judge others because they disagree for whatever reason. Or maybe they are healthy and just happen to have a body that stores more fats than yours does.
(I happened across this webpage while browsing another site.. bummer I’m two years late! ;P)
I am one of those volumptous women. Although now i will admit I am way overweight. That being said…(if anyone reads my about me page they will understand why I say this)….I agree with you Trisha. Especially about the giving up part. I have struggled with weight but honestly I haven’t put up much of a fight. 2 children in two years…1 surgery and 1 severe back injury kind of explains it. But now I have had phyisical therapy. I am about more and feeling better every day. I was diabetic with my pregnancies which mean I will be diabetic some day. With being overweight a slew of medical problems will occur. Everyone in my family is diabetic. Except me. Before I met my husband I had a pretty healthy lifestyle. Although I was still volumptuous. I knew looked good but I still suffered bad self confidence. My husband loves my shape. He is still attracted to me…but the biggest thing he was attracted to was me. I am going through a lot of confidence issues because of the extra weight…I don’t feel sexy. The bedroom has suffered because of me…and my attitude towards myself. So I discussed it with my husband. He is getting me a membership to a nearby gym that he and I are going to go to. I am a huge foodie but I have changed the way we eat and the portions. I go to counseling for the past traumas I have gone through. I have decided not to have anymore children because I want to work on my relationships. I wouldn’t be able to work out..I would have less time for myself, I would have less time for my husband and my other children, I would be diabetic again. The doctor says I am a million steps ahead of most people my age and weight. I have two children I have to live for…not to mention a compeletly devoted husband. I can’t give up. I would lose to much. The self respect that I have gain for myself is huge. Being overweight is not healthy…giving up on that is tragic. I watched this show in its entirety with my husband. It broke my heart.. Where were the strong confident women? I know plenty of women who are as big as they are and have dates and husbands and lead happy lives. I don’t want to be super skinny…that is a unrealistic goal..but I would love to be healthy…I WANT THAT SO BAD!
When I saw a preview for this show I honestly thought it was a joke.. But really it is. I watched the first five minutes and got so annoyed. I hate how they have a nice fruit basket on the kitchen table but doubt anyone eats it.. I would never embrace a unhealthy lifestyle. Sure I like to eat but at WHAT point will you stop -over- eating is the problem.
@ RayG (Shan’s Husband):
We apprieciate your comments, ray! The point behind the post has nothing to do with what size you are, but really my feelings that the show is propaganda and idolizes americans giving up rather then changing. I dont believe women, or men, are healthy in america and the statistics back it up.
As adults we can choose to smoke, drink, overeat, etc. but as children, we are subjected to what we see and will continue to make the same choices. That doesn’t come from TV, that comes from around us. I personally dont want my daughter to grow up and be riddled with self esteem and weight issues.
I cant tell you the last time i saw someone “too” skinny…i know its a fall back for a lot of people, but seriously….too skinny just doesn’t even happen anymore. I cant even tell you the last time i ran across someone in my city, over the age of 21, that isnt 30 pounds overweight.
I want to see people HEALTHY.
Height/Weight proportionate would be a good start! I just dont understand the mentality.
trisha
Let me start by saying that I am Shan’s husband and these comments are solely mine. Next, let me burst your bubble(s) by not agreeing fully with the comments I’ve read so far. First, who gives a DAMN about being a size 2? To say such negativity towards someone who is full-figured only leads to the idea that the mass media once again served its purpose well. Meaning, we (that is, you) have fallen for the mind-set that one has to be a certain size in society.
When I was younger, I, like any young guy, had my share of girlie magazines. The impression that a woman had to be built a certain way was quite influential on what I felt a woman had to be.(Pretty shallow….thanks PLAYBOY.) As I got older, I realized that I was bombarded by the media to think this. Shan knows that I still buy the occasional magazine, albeit now it’s one called Voluptuous. The agreement is that although she doesn’t care for porn in general, at least I’m not ogling at stick-figure thin women with silicone breasts. My reasons for being attracted to Shan in the first place had nothing to do with her size or weight. It was her, plain and simple. Not to mention we both ran with the same group of friends in high school. So, if I was B.S.’ing my feelings towards her, I would have had more than her to deal with.
As for “More To Love”, why not? Look at the crap we’re subjected to already: The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Dating In The Dark( although it does show how shallow people can be). These shows have the same general criteria: women who are very much built the same( aside from the interchangeable hair), and men who look like they came out of the latest underwear catalog. As for the women on “More To Love”, it takes a good amount of self esteem and pride to put on a dress, go before the cameras knowing there are millions watching( or heckling) and strut there stuff. Judging from what I’ve seen of the show, I will say there are some very sexy women on it, but also some that need to take better care of there bodies( only for the sake of their health).
Oh, not to stray too far from the subject, what’s up with “Big Brother” and “Survivor”??? I remember when these shows recruited REAL people when they first started. Now it appears they go to the nearest modeling agency to get contestants. The rest of the cast/trogolodites are only there to satisfy affirmative action watchdogs who believe a certain number of geeks/fatsos/geriatrics/outcasts are necessary to round out the show.
Yes, Americans are lazy. Compare us to any modern/third world nation, and there’s no doubt we would lose in a three-legged race.
We’ve grown accustomed to doing things the easy way, it’s no wonder why obesity costs this country BILLIONS in health care. And yes, I do agree with the idea of a “FAT TAX” on junk food. Remember way back when( or maybe your parents can, no pun intended) you used to get up off the couch to change the channel? Or how about family time consisting of doing something outside the house as opposed a round of ROCK BAND. Turn off the T.V., shut off the P.C.( yeah, I know, DON’T GO THERE). If it were that easy…
As for gym memberships, how many people are truly that vigilant to get the full benefits for which they pay for? Obesity stats speak for itself. We need to be re-educated in how to take better care of ourselves in this ever-changing world of ours. Too often we fall back on the convenience of calorie-laden frozen/fast food for the sake of time which we may or may not have.
The comments the women make on the show are pretty much for dramatic effect. Think about it. Count how many reality show wannabe celebs are out there. They all know that there’s the chance the producers might see a new TOOL to market. To me, it’s reality, it’s a game show. So sit back and enjoy. Or just change the channel.
One last thing. Just something I told Shan in regards to women in general–”Given the choice between a room full of hard-bodied women or a room full of full-figured women, the big girls would win hands down. WHY? Because each woman is built differently, is original in her own way, and therefore, beautiful in her own right. As for the “perfect” bodies, they are all one and the same, and in the dark, would make no difference”.
Enjoy who you are, feel comfortable in your skin, because within imperfection is perfection.
I don’t watch the show, but the minute I saw the ads for it I thought it was a real stretch for reality tv. The idea of making a dating show special for fat people is weird to me.
I think if they wanted to showcase all sizes of people finding love, they should have just had a variety of women on one show. Not a special one for size 2s and a special one for size 20s.
I am overweight and have struggled with my weight since my teens. I eat right, no sugar, no soda, and am in good health. I, however, am doing a workout routine right now FOR ME. My man loves me no matter how I look, but I want to be thin for me. While I am healthy now, I know that at my weight I may not always be. So, I totally want to prevent that.
Having said all of this, it’s hard to say what sizes are ok for people to be. A person can be fully healthy and happy at a large size. I sort of feel like healthy is the most important thing for anyone. If someone is and can be healthy at a size 12, and they also feel great at that size, then more power to them.
although i do think there is room for this to be a gray area, I do have family, all my dad’s side that is large. that are all very short and very wide. But they eat a lot. and don’t care. well, to me it is gross. not the weight the fact that they don’t care. I mean we have issues with alcoholics and drug addicts and cutters and everything else, and shun them, but we have accepted obesity. Society may not bend over backwards, but they have made new airline restrictions etc. for a drunk they wouldn’t be allowed to fly. kwim?
I completely agree! I have family members who are heavy and let themselves go. Those same family members hate my mother and I because we are thin and care about our bodies. And as a couple of you know from BlogHer at the pool and I stepped on the scale and realized I had gained 10 lbs, I was devastated! I’m still only 120 lbs but I’m not happy at all and totally plan to lose the extra weight and fit into my jeans again. I refuse to buy a bigger size jeans, so I’ll have no choice but to lose the weight.
I have no sympathy for people who complain but don’t do anything to change. I also have no sympathy for people who let themselves go and have no self-control. In the O.R. I see a lot of heavy people and I just can’t understand how they can let themselves get that big.
And people who get weight loss surgery and still don’t change their eating habits pisses me off more than you can imagine. I have a family member who did that. She had a gastric bypass and continued to eat the same after. She eventually stretched her stomach back out and never lost any of the weight!