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Have you seen the reality TV show “More To Love” yet? Even if you dont watch reality or dating TV, you probably have heard about this show. Its based on the fact that the “average size reality TV show contestent is a size 2, but the average size american woman is a size 12“.
OK.
This is going to come off bad no matter HOW I say it, so i’ll just say it: this show infuriates me.
No, you do not have to be ‘skinny’ to date. Or to be loved. And in fact, if the average size is 12 in America, I dare say that your most likely going to choosing from another overweight person as it is.
The only message I see in this show is that its OK to give up. There is a difference in accepting yourself and giving up. Accepting yourself is like knowing your bald and that bald is beautiful. You accept what you cannot change.
But many of these women have convinced themselves that someone has to ‘love them for them’ rather than “I should change for me”. Most of these women are young with no kids. What’s the freaking problem? When I had no child and no husband, I was so thin just by moving all the time, going dancing, being outdoors, and watching what I ate.
And before you think it, my entire family has a weight problem. I am not genetically thin. In fact, I am actually not thin. I have too much weight on my sides, I have skin the same as any mother does, and I have that tell-tale pooch. But I am not obese and I know when to put down that chocolate cake so I don’t get that way.
At what point did we find it acceptable to be overweight? To capitalize on it? Not everyone WILL be a size 2, but everyone should be height/weight proportionate. Being thin does not mean you are healthy, but being obese always means your unhealthy.
2 out of 3 adults are overweight and 1 out of 3 are obese. And our kids? One out of 5. Aside from health risks like heart disease, diabetics, and cholesterol, lets not forget the biggie of SELF ESTEEM. Dont we all remember how hard it was to be a kid? The fat kid, the short kid, the kid that had pimples, glasses, braces. Why add to that? And yes, there is a direct relation to a parents size and the type of adult our children turn into.
Now before anyone gives me the lecture on their thyroid or thier underlying health problems, you have to agree that that is not the majority of Americas issues. Its too much soda, fast food, and sitting on your ass. As a whole, America spends too much time on the computer and not enough time at the park. Am I right or am I right?
We have to teach our kids to make healthy choices. Do I let Charlotte have snacks. Yes. But I also know I am doing something right when the other day out to eat I let her choose between her sides. It was french fries, salad, or fruit and she choose….wait for it…….the salad.
But the show gets better. I am watching it last night and the thing that really appalled me was one woman judging the other woman for not being fat enough for long enough.
“She didn’t know what it was like to not fit into your prom dress.”
WTF.
Oh. My. God.
Get over yourself.
If you don’t want to be fat, don’t be fat. Go to the GYM. Yes, its hard work. REALLY REALLY hard work. It takes time. Patience. For most people its like joining boot camp to go to the gym. I get it. I suck at it too. It took me a YEAR to lose the baby weight from pregnancy. But I am going to live for 80+ years, so isn’t it worth the time? I should hope so!
This show makes me mad in the fact that we got so lackadaisical and worried about ‘accepting’ everyone (which by the way the show proves that we don’t. They still even judge each other…gasp! Shocking! NOT.) that we use it as an excuse to not put in the hard work to change.
Americans are lazy.
Go ahead, get mad at me, tell me I am wrong, that I don’t know, but I do. I have a grandmother that is literally dying from obesity. My grandmother is 63 years old, probably as old as some of my visitors mothers. She is young. But she is dying from weight. I lost my great grandmother to it. My aunt had lapband surgery at just over 30 years old.
What they need to do is put up a reality TV show based on motivation, self esteem, confidence, and start passing on those traits to our children. Then maybe we would stop eating ourselves into a depressed stupor and “accepting” it as the norm.
~Trisha
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I too struggle with my weight and guess I fall in that “average” category with my size 12 self, but I think what really gets me about this show is that we’re singling them out for being overweight and making it special where instead I think all these reality shows should have a mixture of people from size 2 to 22 (the men and women)….reality tv should be just a little more like REALITY!
I just watched it last night! Ugh. I’m not a huge reality show fan but I did like the idea of a show that is not about size 2 girls. Then I watched it and it basically makes fun of fat girls! It was ridiculous. And, not to be mean but a couple of the girls are like, “This is the only way I can find someone who loves me for me” and I’m all like, “GIRL, NOT ON REALITY TV ARE YOU GOING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU FOR YOU WHETHER YOU ARE A SIZE 2 OR SIZE 22!” Totally bug.
Ok, I have not seen this show, but I have seen the previews. Having said that, I am a curvy girl and proud of it. I have never been super thin, I have always been a thicker girl. That is just the way God made me. Now have I gained a bit more than I wanted to since having a c-section? Yes. But I do not, as a lot of people think, gorge myself on twinkies (I hate them) and other sweets.
I have a vegetable with nearly every meal because i want my daughter to have good eating habits. And she does. She will eat a fresh spinach & baby field greens salad with raw mushrooms over nearly anything. She loves sweet peas and green beans, broccoli, carrots…just about any vegetable or fruit over other foods. I did that. I am proud of that.
Now as for me, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome in my late 20′s. Basically it makes you fat, hairy and infertile. I am also hypoglycemic (low blood sugar). That is just the way I am. After many years of hating my natural curves, I finally learned to accept myself. Because no matter what I did, swim team, cheer leading, competitive ice skating…I was always thick. I am almost 5’10″. I wear glasses and i was the smart girl in HS. I didn’t get many dates. I also got made fun of.
I don’t think this is necessarily a bad show, but I do strongly believe that society needs to accept us curvy girls as being just as important/relevant/lovable as the size 2 women. i am not saying that being morbidly obese should be the norm, but I do think that being curvy doesn’t make me or anyone else necessarily unhealthy. making fun of fat girls is apparently the last acceptable prejudice in this country and it needs to stop.
We are all different. And I really believe that every body has a set point where it comfortable/natural. Some people are just genetically thicker than others. And muscle does weigh more than fat. I am very muscular, but I also have a dead sack of flesh that used to be my lower stomach before the c-section. I cannot get that to go back to anything close to what it was before and I still have no feeling there.
Curvy girls are people too. We do not all have to be the same size. now I don’t know about the show, like I said before. I think all the bachelor type shows are insipid drivel. So my problem is more with it still being OK to make fun of curvy/fat/thick people. Prejudice of any kind does not belong in our society. This is why our young girls have such self-esteem issues. We need to accept and help each other instead of always tearing one group down because they don’t fit the very skewed societal norm of what a woman should look like in order to be loved.
I just so happened to read this WHILE I’m eating chocolate cake.
In all seriousness though, I agree with you. I know it can be hard or darn near impossible for some people to get weight off or be considered height/weight proportionate. I think what is important is that people at least try. Even if the weight isn’t budging, keep up working out, eat healthy, seek assistance. If anything just to feel better and live healthier. I know Lee said she’s tried all of these things, and I cannot put myself in this position, but at least your setting a good example for your children. Like with Charlotte, on the occasional fast food run, my children choose the apples over the french fries because I like to think we make healthy choices at home.
With all of that said, I too come from a family where some of them have obesity issues. I have seen the pain and hear the remarks that I don’t know what it’s like, and I don’t, but I do have to try very very hard to maintain where I am right now. We never have soda, it’s rare to find sweets in our home (we had a b-day party this past weekend, that’s where the cake is from!).
I hope none of that sounded offensive at all, it is certainly not meant to be.
My problem with the show is them billing these women as “average.” They’re not! They’re obese! But, the size 2 girls on the The Bachelor aren’t average either. How about a show that actually has average people on it? Not all women are 5ft 10in and weigh 100 lbs, not all men are 6 ft ridiculously good looking with an amazing career and wonderful family. It seems like we are operating under two extremes here. I wanna see a dating show with the middle class guy that works a 40 hour week. I want the women to be truly average in size and looks. Let’s learn how to love our average selves
I would also bet that most of the women on More To Love are larger than a size 12…much larger in some cases. And I’m fairly sure they lied about that guys weight too. I’ve only seen snippets of the show, but isn’t it a bit degrading that they post the girls’ weight along with their names?
On a totally different note…if you like dating shows, check out Dating in the Dark. It’s an interesting study in what’s more important; looks or personality.
Weight is something I’ve *always* struggled with. I started my growth spurt very young and was always taller and bigger than the other girls. I even developed earlier which didn’t help. I was a dancer for 14+ years and always thought I was huge. Thing is, I danced 3-4 days a week for 4 hours each day…straight! I ate right,exercised, had an eating disorder for a couple of years and was always a size 10 at my skinniest. I’ve never been able to get below a size 10. I do still have self esteem issues but for the most part I have accepted myself for who I am…I may not be the skinniest girl but damn it…I’m pretty, nice and a good person/wife/mother/friend/daughter and who the hell cares about the rest!? I have to be strong for my kids and getting down on myself every 4 seconds is not going to teach them how to appreciate their bodies or how to be healthy.
I don’t watch reality shows like this and never will. Those women are beautiful no matter what size they are. And you’re right, sitting around eating junk food, not exercising and being lazy are not going to help your self esteem or help you get healthier and/or loose weight.
@ Trisha-admin:
I agree 100%. it is whacked, and they are the ones watching TV, I mean we all do, but since they are in the majority, they are obviously setting the ratings right?
Trisha this was very well said! I come from a “bigger” family. I have always been teased because “I have no meat on my bones” or being accused of anorexia. When I was pregnant, it still wasn’t good enough. After having 5 babies, I am still thin but have my own trouble spots. Of course those are the spots that people LOVE to tease me about. They teased me so much at one point, it caused me to see myself as fat. I began starving myself. Then I decided I am happy. Screw them. Now I will let them tease me while they are sitting on their asses and stuffing their faces with potato chips. I have seen what being overweight can do to a person and I am going to do what I need to do to make sure my girls and myself can stay “HEALTHY” not just skinny. They are going to learn it is hard work but so worth it!
@ Lee:
then lee, you are an exception, but most certainly not the rule. Kwim? Plus, you are doing something to change. You are not making excuses. You are working hard. You are waging a war, not accepting something you deem changeable. And more importantly, you are setting an example for your child.
karissa wrote:
I find this terribly ironic if most people are overweight…and they are. Maybe its because we idolize what we are not but should be. Or maybe its ingrained into us as human beings because being thinner is an outward appearance of a specific lifestyle (ie eating right/gym time) that we all want.
Wow where to even begin! And since I’m not one to spare feelings I’ll play devils advocate for a minute!
Alright first I don’t have a weight problem…after 4 kids I do have post pregnancy crap that never seems to wanna go away but I’m alright with that. I was always the skinny girl and truth be told I HATED it. My friends that were bigger than me seemed jealous that I was skinny (wtf I have a high metabolism) and all I wanted was some freaking boobs…so being skinny was not all it’s cracked up to be!
Second I think you’re right, I think you’re gonna get shit for this no matter what simply because it’s a delicate subject for some.
Third (I promise I have a point)I think that while some people can indeed help being fat (ie the ones who sit on their asses, eat Twinkies all day, and then bitch about being fat) some can not. My oldest daughter has a weight problem and while she doesn’t always make the healthiest food choices she is quite active and is just destined to be bigger than some of her friends (her father’s side of the family are all larger then average). Can she help it? No. Do I want people to make fun of her weight and assume that her weight problem stems from an unhealthy lifestyle…absolutely not! As a matter of fact I’m quite certain given the fact that I’m rather outspoken and not known to tip toe around feelings I’m sure I’d rip someone a new one if they commented on her weight negatively!
My point is that while some of the women on the show probably do have weight problems brought on by being lazy and leading an unhealthy lifestyle I’m willing to bet that there are just as many who have underlying issues that they can not necessarily help (I know I went into the whole thyroid thing but there are so many other reasons and issues that can and do lead to weight gain and most of them take more than a gym membership to fix)! I think it’s a good thing that people who are bigger can feel good about themselves, there are too many people in this world who feel so badly about themselves that they do stupid things as a result!
Just my $.02!
When is this show on? And what channel??
Cat wrote:
You totally took my line.
I agree with you to some degree. I do think for some people it isn’t as much about giving up as that is what is comfortable for some larger ladies. (not all but some like to be bigger, my aunt is one, she has made her kids fat, but that is another blog post lol)
My problem with the show, is that SOCIETY (not me, I don’t watch the stuff) likes pretty, thin people. the show won’t do well because there aren’t many americans at home saying, “damn I wanna tap that!”
Now the show Dance Your Ass Off, is a trainwreck and society likes that. BUT it is more like the people that just tune in for the first few episodes of American Idol. we like the bloopers and to laugh.
I’m certainly not mad at you but I will say that next weeks chapter of my Expose on a Fat Girl will talk about how hard I try to lose weight and how it never works. I work hard too. I eat right, I go to the gym, sometimes 5 days a week. I’ve hired personal trainers and nutritionists and even my doctor is stumped. They swear nothing is wrong with me but I can’t lose weight. These past two months I dieted and worked out HARD for BlogHer, so I could look good. I ended up gaining 10 pounds. It’s hard and emotional and there doesn’t seem to be a ton I can do about it. I’m 4’10″ tall and weight 190 lbs so I’m certainly not height weight proportionate. But I love myself even when I hate myself.
Lee
PS: That show makes me sick, I don’t get why fat women can’t be on the regular shows.
To be honest I don’t really have any thoughts on it…I just go with flow and say whateva. But the last part, that show exists…The Biggest Loser.
I’m probably in the population of people that should be most offended by this post, but I’m not – I absolutely agree with you.
I am right on the cusp of being severely to morbidly obese. 35 years old and I’m on blood pressure medication. I got this way because I convinced myself for YEARS that I was too smart, too talented, too GOOD to be concerned with something as shallow as my weight. I kept telling myself that I didn’t care about my appearance. But what I was really saying was that I didn’t care about ME. All the “confidence” in the world doesn’t get rid of the health issues that come with weight. And while I’m learning that weight doesn’t always translate to fitness (I can outrun my skinny-minny teenager!), it is important to move, to breath, and to be concerned about what the weight is doing to your general health.
This show pisses me off, too. In our house, we call it “The Fat Bachelor”.
I haven’t watched More to Love yet but it is on my DVR. When I first saw the previews for it I was taken back.
Since I haven’t watched it, I can’t really speak on it, but it seems Americans have become okay with being overweight and now TV shows are capitalizing on it. It’s sad to say the least.
I have a new respect for you after reading this. We should absolutely love ourselves. Part of loving yourself is working to change your unhealthy ways. For me, it is controlling how much I drink. If I saw a show on TV that glorified alcoholics, I would think the same about it as I do about “More To Love.” Sadly, a lot of Americans would not.
Great post. And not because I don’t have a weight problem, but because I can appreciate a truthful observation, even if it pisses people off.