This past week Charlotte’s school has been doing EQT testing. I have no idea what that stands for but I am going to imagine it’s like ‘Education Qualification Testing’ or something equally annoying that the school board has come up with. In layman’s terms she had some big tests at school to quantify and qualify where she stood in the pack.
Today her scores came home.
54%
My daughter is, at best, slightly, very slightly, above average.
Now while we told her how proud we were of her, and we are, part of me nagged.
Will she make it to a good college if she is average?
Will she be able to get a good job average?
Will she be able to move through life average?
Where is average in a society of men and women that have to compete for even the most menial job tasks to make a living?
And above all, will I have failed her if she is, at the end of my parenting years, just average?
Ironically I was an average student myself. Maybe, in some ways, a bit below average. I am a terrible tester, I repeated math not once, not twice, but three times in college. Do not even ask me how I did in statistics. I changed majors at least 4 times, each one an alteration to find something as far away from equations and calculus as possible and still graduate with a degree. Heck, read this blog long enough and you will doubt that I passed English and Grammar 101.
But I look around me now and glance at what average has gotten me. A beautiful home – no, not one in Beverly Hills – but a house, and a home, that I am proud of. An amazing family that enhance who I am and challenge who I should be. Great friends that educate, trust, and love me. Six animals that I have been privileged to save and care for.
Average has also given me an entrepreneurial spirit to understand, learn, and grow on a daily basis, a gift with empathy for those around me, and a giving nature for those that have less than I do. Average has given me a modest bank account, the ability to see things clearly, and a job that I love, even when I do not love it.
So while we have set more in stone procedures about reading and comprehension in our home in hopes to improve her future test scores and continue to strive for higher goals, we do so only expecting Charlotte to be a bit like us.
Average.
Because average….or slightly above, is sometimes quite a bit more than you think.
~Trisha
Charlotte is not average – she just had an average test score. If she is anything like you – she will be influential and have a meaningful, blessed life!
She sure blesses MY life!
There is nothing wrong with average! I was an honors AP student and didn’t even go on to college. My husband was average and now has a ton of certifications and makes a fantastic salary…our grades in school don’t really mean anything in the grand scheme of life!
What matters the most is that she is doing her beat…no matter where she falls in the pack!
I totally get your point and think you’re totally right that ‘average’ is a-ok. But also important to note all the ways kids aren’t ‘average’ just because some ridiculous state test puts them middle of the pack. Just like all the amazing qualities you have, she has tons that make her anything but average. And I know you know that.
Plus, having above average kids comes with its own set of struggles too. I think as a parent there is no easy or worry free road unfortunately.
You are so right, Lisa! Charlotte gets very embarrassed if she gets something wrong, so homework is a nightly struggle that often ends in crying. If you are explaining and she doesnt understand, she just melts down. Kids in general can be very challenging!
my son does this too! charlotte is beautiful btw!
Chiming in from averageville, too! I was the kid who barely squeaked in to a highly competitive middle and high school. Who had horrible grades on tests from 6th through 12th grade. Who had a vision, an epiphany, a bolt of lightning strike me in 11th grade that basically pointed me in the direction of attending college in America. I applied to and was accepted by colleges in the U.S. while universities in the U.K. wouldn’t give me a second glance. That bolt of lightning about my future coupled with the fact that my parents would be emigrating to America when I was a junior in college became the best decision I ever made. My average or below average grades from my school in England got me in to a good college in the U.S. Best decision this average student ever made!
My mom told me when I was a kid that C students rule the world. It’s SO true!
I think this is a beautiful post. I completely agree with you on everything you wrote.
You are one of the sweetest, kindest, and loving people I know. If Charlotte turns out to be just as average as you, she will Abe a HUGE asset to the world.
I never pressured my boys with their grades, I encouraged them to do their best and to try as hard as they could. As long as the comments for their teachers said that they did that and that they were kind to other students and were respectful in class, I didn’t care if they were average or genius.
Not to mention, the photos of Charlotte are always look extremely happy and loved – you cannot ask for more than that. <3
I don’t think it matters at all if you are average, it depends on how you apply yourself and the kind of support you get at home. I was never one of those super smart and gifted kids, but I worked really hard and got good grades because of it. I think you are a perfect example of applying yourself. You are a leader and an amazing entrepreneur.
Average people can do extraordinary things
Some people can be close to genius level but not do well on tests. Sometimes it’s tests that are timed that intimate or just doing a written test but if you verbally ask them the answers they excel. My brother was a high school dropout but he was one of the most intelligent people I know and he learned it all on his own through books and life experiences.
This post was painful to read. Your daughter is average? Oh, that is just tragic. I’m sorry I don’t have more sympathy for your dilemma, but I guess I’m too tired from having to work with my autistic son who has learning disabilities. I cringe to think what you would make of his grades.
This emphasis you put on “average” as if that is an insult cuts me to the core. As I said, it makes me cringe to wonder what you would think of kids who really struggle.
I think you totally missed the point and REALLY took a jump from my child to someone elses. This topic is probably something all parents, including you most likely, think about on a daily basis which is “am I doing enough for them to grow”. It’s a pretty big jump from insinuating that I would be ever judge another persons child and their personal grades or disability, because I wouldn’t. Nor would I be incompassionate about children who struggle to learn. Rather the post was about the fears of a parent and accepting that sometimes its OK not to be “great”.
You should meet my friend MaryAnn. She is a fantastic writer and her son is autistic. She shares her personal struggle and also what she learns about his growth. Her site is http://www.matthewspuzzle.com/
Hi Patty, I totally understand where you are coming from. I am Trisha’s friend, Maryann and I have a blog that covers a lot about autism. I have been in that spot where I would give anything for my son to be average. I ache for that day. Please, if you ever want to talk or just want to read a bit about others that are dealing with the same thing, come visit me at Matthew’s Puzzle. I am a rescue angel for Generation Rescue so I’m open to just talking and trying to help if I can. Sometimes you just want someone that understands how hard it really is just to keep it all together. I know I feel that way a lot. But I am more than willing to help if you want. Thanks.
Some of the most successful and well adjusted people I know are just average. That’s not a bad place to be.
I was well above average when it came to school and test taking and look where all the book smarts got me.
Tests like that are so stupidly crappy! Charlotte (you and the rest of your family) are beautiful! Don’t pay any attention to that just above average number.