I am sorry for the vulgarity today. Its spewing out of me like vomit at the moment and I can’t stop it. If you have PG eyes, just hit the browser (and hopefully its FireFox, not IE) closed now.
Let me start out with my day. I open up my bedroom door. What do my wondering eyes do i see?
A big pile of cat dookie.
Yes, seriously. My cat is obviously pissed off my DH is out of town and took a steaming, mushy pile of crap in front of my door. It was in its full cat poop glory. And it wasn’t like a toot. It was a PILE. And I don’t think it was a present. I think it was an F. U.
I mean, what does a CAT have to be angry about? He is a fat jerk that does nothing all day but eat, sleep, and crap. Why the hell does he have to do it outside MY door? Dude. You have ONE job in life. That’s the litter box. A-hole.
Then I settled in for a long day with my favorite buddy old pal Hostgator (and has been resolved as you can see, amen, thankyou twitter hostgator guy) until I felt I had neglected my child so long that she was packing up, writing a note, and moving out. I was actually worried she may have gotten married and had her own child to ignore by this point.
So what do I do? I do what every good parent does. I take her to the Thrift Store. (It is Alabama, Yall) It sounded like a good idea. Upon entering, I immediately needed a shower. I like a good deal, but my stomach was churning every time Charlotte picked up some broken down, dirtied up piece of toy from 1975. I convinced her only to leave by allowing her to pick out some “broken in” 59 cent coloring books. Who donates used coloring books to the Thrift Store? Who buys them?
Oh. Us.
Then we were off to a Mexican restaurant with dreams of chips and salsa and a steak taco. Surely the worst thing that could happen was that I couldn’t speak the language, right? Seriously, im a glutton for punishment some days. What they brought me out for dinner had me a tad bit worried about mad cow disease and I literally didn’t bite into it because I could see the chunks of fat on the steak. I had it broken open and was weeding through it.$15 wasted. Plus, they had no crayons. Apparently they had only ONE set and that person threw them away “just hours” before.
How conveniently perfect.
So Charlotte was stuck coloring her Tom and Jerry thrift store coloring book with a pen. Its as pathetic as it all sounds.
On the way home I realize, I have zero gas. Do I stop? Hell no. I go home so in the morning I will have to stop on the way to gymnastics and be even more mad I didn’t take care of it tonight like I should have. I was afraid if I did stop, the gas station would blow up when I pulled in.
As every cloud as a silver lining, I wanted to mention that I bought one of those new Febreeze magic erasers and I love it. Other then the fact that I think I am out of them every time I use them, I thought it smelled quite spiffy. Also, I bought a candle warmer and its like…where have you been my whole life. My mom got me one for Christmas and I finally got around to using it a few weeks ago and its about the coolest invention that Walmart has on their shelves. I bought a 2nd one for $2 yesterday I liked it so much.
Now my house smells like Apples and cat doodoo.
Its lovely.
~Trisha
I found this blog after googling “my cat shits to upset me”. You’re result #2! Whoohoo!. My cat only uses the box (and thankfully only the box) when I get home. I think she knows she has the most vile smell ever. I used to live on a farm where we had anywhere between 15-20 cats at a time (all indoor), and my family (read: Mom) has always had at least 2 cats in every other place I’ve lived. I know cat pooh smells, but this cat is breeding death vapours in it’s ass and she knows it. I think that’s why she holds it in until I get home. Just more proof that cats are evil. I would never advocate violence against animals, but that smell makes me think of burlap sacks. And rivers. And cats in burlap sacks.
@ Shan @Last Shreds Of Sanity:
Hey Shan,
Just a FYI here: There are “lots” of Hispanics in the South & many of them are Mexican. (I even have my very own Mexican.) And… It seems like there are more & more Mexican restaurants popping up every day.
RE: Cats
I can’t deny it anymore…. my cat is a serial killer. Sad, but true. I’ve tried everything… interventions; over-feeding; cosmetic surgery (Maybe, that’s what set him off.)–I thought it would curb his wandering ways! Nothing has worked. He goes out at night; stalking his prey. Creatures, beware!
Every morning, I open my front door… am I greeted with a hot, steaming pile of poop? No. What greets me every morning is the rotting corpse of another hapless victim of the night stalker! Lizards; geckos; birds; moles; rats; mice; squirrels; and, snakes. No creature is safe from his carnage.
Oh, well…..off to the thrift store.
Sorry, but that sounds a lot like the weekend I just had. I had to LOL @ your house smelling like apples and cat shit.
and now you know, the next time the cat takes an angry shit, heed the warning and 1) just give your kid a blank sheet of paper and some crayons at home, don’t bother with the thrift store; make your own tacos instead of going to a restaurant. In fact, just make quesadillas – faster and simpler. Your only errand should be getting some gas. Just don’t use your cell phone while you’re there.
Hope your night was better!
P.S.
I’m allergic to cats. But we do have a bunny (not MY choice). It shits a lot. Whether angry or not.
I must say your blog cheers me up when I need it
I love readding about all the drama that goes on in your home imagine having 3 kids plus all that crap! lol
I heart momdot!
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, You just reminded me why I don’t have a cat and why I won’t let the kids have another one..LOL
I sure hope your Friday was a lot better…
It’s a blessing that I am allergic to cats
hope your day got better
My cat gets angry a lot too. She takes her aggression out on the dirty clothes in the laundry room. Ugh. There is nothing worse then cat shit. That’s the worst shit there is.
Our cuddly critter is now in kitty heaven, and let me tell you she is dearly missed…but… she was “angry” all of the time, thus the reason we have hardwood floors through out our main level. It was a very sad day when she left us, but we can now have carpet in our living area sans cat poop.
Maybe instead of thrift shops, you should stick to the cleaner variety…the dollar store.
You are fuckin’ hilarious. I needed a laugh. Or a glass of wine. Or both. Thanks Trisha!
Hope you have a crapless day tomorrow.
I am totally in love with your blog! I have been following you on twitter – and saw this post and had to read! LOVE it!
Apples and cat shit, huh? Interesting scent combo…maybe you should bottle it and sell it on Etsy? LMAO
At least your cat leaves the “gifts” outside the bedroom door, mine pisses on the bed. At 2 am. While we’re sleeping in it. Think he might be a bit pissed off about something?
What made you go to the thrift store? In Alabama, no less? I have been in some in North Carolina & Virginia. They were scary as hell. Alabama ones must be the 5th level of hell. Sorry.
I didn’t think there were any Mexicans in the south, much less restaurants. (My Mom’s side of the family is so redneck it’s not funny. They didn’t even know what a taco was until I made them one!) LOL Hey I live in SoCal, if you don’t speak Spanish or Vietnamese, you are in the minority. My husband is a Mexican and even HE doesn’t see why Mexicans would go to the south! LOL {He uses my Mom’s side of the family as reference…}
I am glad the template is fixed. Thank God, right? LOL Is there a link back to the new pages from the admin blog?
That’s why our cat never comes in.
I hate cats.