Most women I know struggle with self confidence or self image. I am not sure why but we just do. We do not need any real reason to question ourselves, we just naturally do it. Of course with this can come a slew of insecurities about our relationships with others, our significant others especially.
Add to the above mentioned struggle some infidelity and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. The pain that comes with infidelity feels unbearable at times. It does not seem to be lessened by the type of infidelity either. My friend went through this in her marriage and this is her story…
I knew something was “off” with my hubby. Woman’s intuition was screaming that something was not quite right. Of course, I felt it was ME. Perhaps I had let myself go a little too much after having kids or my lack sexual attraction for my husband was pushing him away. After having our third child in a short four years, our sex life was gone. I thought it was because I had spent over 27 out of the last 48 months pregnant, then an additional 20 months nursing in between, or perhaps he was just too tired to care. I became numb to his lack of interest and went into full blown mommy mode, creating a larger gap of affection between us.
During this time, he was desperately looking for affection and affirmation. He found it, online from another woman. They spent hours texting and in phone calls about their “someday affair.” I found out by accident one night. I was devastated. I felt as though my heart had been ripped right out of my chest. Who was this man I had laid in bed next to for 9 years? Did I really know this guy? My security was gone and I felt as though I was living with a stranger.
Although this was a very painful time in our marriage, we were able to overcome. Through counseling, I found out that he had become addicted to looking at pornography at the early age of 12. These images were burnt into his mind and he often thought about them. They shaped his ideas about what he thought was attractive and even expected in marriage. I have always been more conservative and therefore, his unspoken expectations went unmet for years. He looked at these images often over the years, which kept the gap between us large and untouched. I recall a few nights that he came to bed late and demanded sex and how resentful I felt those nights. During counseling he confessed that those nights were nights that he had spent looking at porn online.
I never told my family or friends about the personal hell that I was living in. It was a very dark, cold and lonely place for me. I was ashamed as if I had created this or deserved it.
This is more common then we think and luckily there are FREE online services like Addo Recovery that help walk women through the betrayal of a loved ones excessive pornography use or sexually compulsive behavior.
This PTSD-like condition is called Betrayal Trauma. Symptoms include depression, anxiety, anger, fear, and weight issues, self-confidence issues, among other things. Sadly, 70% of women that discover a loved one’s compulsive pornography use or sexual infidelity suffers from betrayal trauma.
There is no reason to suffer in silence. With the great resources that Addo Recovery offers, both the addict and the victim can get the support that they need to repair their relationship. If you are a victim, you need to know that this is not YOUR fault. There is a large community of women working together and the feelings of anxiety, depression, heartache and fear can be lessened. This condition is called Betrayal Trauma and you can go through a free online six-week program which has helped thousands of women in over 10 countries.
In fact, women who complete this program reported their healing improved 76%.
Do you know someone who is hurting and could use this information?
Please share this post with them and help them to know that they are not alone and have support and help available.
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