This is one of my biggest pet peeves as a single parent.
Nothing irks me more than when single mothers try to use it to their advantage and have people feel sorry for them. I can not stand when single parents try to use it as an excuse especially for a child’s behavior. Sure as a child of divorced parents, I can completely understand that some children have trouble adjusting and things but seriously, to use that to excuse their bad behavior drives me crazy! The women who use it to define who they are irritate me. You know the ones. Being a single mother is not an excuse for anything in my opinion.
I hate when I tell people my story and they say, “Oh that must be so hard for you.” Yeah, sure it is, but parenting is hard for everyone. I don’t sit here and think, “Oh poor me, my life is so hard,” and throw myself a pity party. Who has time for that? Single parents and married parents have their own set of issues and I don’t think it’s fair to say that one side has it harder than the other. They both have their own advantages and disadvantages.
With that being said, being a single mother does not define who I am.
Its simply part of what I do.
I guess i just hate when people do things like that because it makes us (single moms) look weak. And we are not! Single parents are exceptionally strong people…we have to be. You learn to pick up the pieces, stay strong, and move on.
~Miss Blondie
Interesting post. There are many things in life we can blame our laziness and bad behavior on. I was a child of an alcoholic, or I am a victim of the economy, or I am a woman, or I am a minority… blah blah. It all comes down to defining ourselves and excuses.
I’m a single mother. I blogged just yesterday about my sitter attributing my son’s bad behavior to my “being a single mom”. I left in tears. I don’t use it as an excuse, but it is there for others to use.
I did just drop some college courses this semester – BECAUSE i’m a single mother. My kid takes priority. So, if this is an excuse then shoot me. But my child’s behavior has improved cause mom isn’t freaking out all the time.
I bitch and moan sometimes, and it IS freaking hard to be a single parent full time, but it’s my life and I chose it. It’s never an excuse to not live the best life possible.
It boils down to there is no excuse for complaining is nauseating, but sometimes necessary for expressing our frustration. Excuses are just that – excuses.
my mom was a single mother, and no one ever took pity on us. she just did whatever she had to do to keep our family going.
the single mom excuse that really bugs me, and I hope you ladies won’t hate me for this…but….when moms have to leave work because their kids were suspended from school, or got into trouble and then the mother has to stay home from work b/c there is no babysitter. That happens a lot where I work and it is considerably harder on the rest of us to pick up the slack. Illness is of course a different story, but believe it or not I’ve heard more of “my child was suspended for fighting/misbehaving” than anything else.
I am not a single parent and my 22 month old is as bad as they come! So being a single parent isn’t an excuse for having a child that misbehaves. I know alot of it with my son is his age… but he is REALLY hard to handle. Hopefully he will grow out of it though! I can only pray!
I admire single parents and know it takes a strong person to do it! You are an awesome mom, single or not!
I agree with you! Of course my blog is about being a single mom, but not in the feel sorry for me sense! I’m doing this all by myself for the first time…so I focus on the humor I find in it! I have never lived on my own, I went from living with my parents to living with my ex. So I manage to find myself in situations that have nothing to do with being a single mom…it just adds to the humor that on top of it I have a crazy kid running around!
While married I always felt like a single mom, so I didn’t see it as a big deal. I didn’t see why people complained about it so much! I have two kids, an 11 year old and a 19 month old. Even after my husband and I separated I still didn’t see being a single mom as such a big deal.
But then my 11 year left to go live with his Dad. So I now had zero help and was faced with figuring things out that I never had to figure out. That was when I truly felt like a single mom and I had a new respect for it. But I still haven’t whined about it! Plus my blog is kind of how I keep my family up to date on us, because I don’t live near any of my family.
But being a single mom has taught me that I can do things all by myself! I didn’t think I could which is why I never left my husband who was a bit abusive, he never hit me, just broke my things when he became angry. So now that I am doing it, well, that will never happen to me again! And now I know how to put oil in a lawn mower! Before a few weeks ago I had never used a lawn mower! So I am glad for it!
Well said. I hated that as well when I was a single mom. I actually felt being a single mom made me STRONGER. I worked HARDER to take care of my daughter, keep a full time job and eventually bought my house as a single mom. There is NO excuse to throw a pity party for being a single mom – should just suck it up – accept what your life has brought you – and move forward. Sitting and sulking will only make you weaker and will not gain you much respect. Just my two cents.
OMG Thanks for this post. My sister-in-law has been single off and on for 8 years. She has three girls, 9, 7 and 8mos. Every time she is single it is WHINE WHINE WHINE. Her children (aside from the baby) are the most ill behaved children I have ever had the misfortune to meet. I have provided daycare for her a few times recently to do her a favor and she has even had the gall to ask me not to discipline the older two because “They have had it rough lately.” HA! These kids are maniacs because the majority of their lives, their mother and grandparents have doted on them and let them get away with murder. It’s so bad that my daughter is in fear of her own cousins! Ugh. Unfortunately, I have recently come into the stage in my life where I will now be a single mother and it terrifies me. But I remind myself that I come from a long line of strong women and I can do it and damn anyone for pitying me along the way!
Thanks again for this post, it gave me a few things to think about. HAHA
I couldn’t agree more! I think no matter what you are faced with, you are going to have problems. It’s how you handle the problems that defines who you are. I was a single mom and sometimes I think it would be easier to go back to that way. But then there are other times I’m grateful to have my husband. I have sat and watched my ex sister in law whine, cry and have pity party after pity party when her and my brother split up. Honestly I have never been a fan of either one of them. But when I babysat for her WHILE she was working and then found out she wasn’t working late but going to the bar EVERY NIGHT after work, I was peeved. Her excuse “I’m a single mom and it’s so hard cause I don’t get to go out.” HELLO! I’m married and don’t get to go out! That doesn’t excuse your lies. I worked, took 20 credits PER semester and still graduated on the Honor Roll and received my degree! All on my own. Miss Blondie, I think you are a wonderful role model for other single moms!!
I completely agree with you. A girl I know is a single mom, and all she does is complain, complain, complain. Her child’s behaviour is borderline scary terrible brutal. She lives with her mom, who helps her out. Her mom works, she does not. She goes on and on about how brutal her child is because she’s a single parent and blames it all on the almost absent father.
Hmmmm…. *I* have a boyfriend who works 24/7, barely seeing his daughter. *I* am the one she depends on, from morning til night, sometimes he wakes her up when he gets home just to hear her voice. He works hard, and it’s not always like this… but her behaviour isn’t anywhere as bad as the other boy’s….
In my mind, it gives “single parenting” a bad rep. It’s just purely “bad parenting”. LOL
I think this was an awesome post! I used to be a single mom. I have to say it was very hard (my job has really long non day-care hours). Not having family close by is probably what made it that hard. I think anyone with a good family and support network can make it though.