Has social networking killed the mother?
Actually, let me rephrase. Has social networking killed the the mother, the teenager, the neighborhood block parties, and family dinners? There is no doubt with the onslaught of social sites like Facebook, Ning, microblogging twitter, Myspace, WP, Blogger, Stickam and of course promotion sites like Kirsty, Digg, Reddit, and stumble upon, that people have a lot to say, lots of ways to say it, and lots of ways to promote it.
But are we spending more time online then in real time?
Gone are the days of meeting in one central location and onto everyone owning a community, a blog, a website, and a reason you should show up at their front door, all while keeping up with your own. Suddenly, the Internet is not an hour a day down time, as it once was just a measly 10 years ago when I graduated college, but a full on, often unpaid, 40-80 hour a week career.
It’s almost like Hollywood…….lots of people taking waitress jobs hoping for that movie screen break. It begs the question, what would we be doing if we were not here?
Running a Blog:
With blogs vastly moving into media mainstream as the death of print media looming before us, blogs are popping up at an alarming rate that keep people ‘connected’ to those like them, but disconnected in many ways to those in real life. Its no doubt incredibly time consuming to hop from one site to the next, interact with online visitors, and all the while keep up excellent content, but even more so when that turns to courting PR reps, reviews, and online opportunities at a steady and competitive rate to sites online similar to yours. I have seen many a people become a slave to comments, linky love, and stat tracker and I’m not far away myself from having an Internet break down. Even our own self worth often gets tied up into the opportunities we may be receiving, or lack of, as a blogger or online marketer.
Are our twitter friends growing, do we have a Facebook presence, how many people are entering our contests and what is the next big site that we are not a part of yet??
Let’s face it, blogs are mini businesses for a population of women that can be largely forgotten once she has a child, especially if she moved from corporate to mommydom in one fail swoop. It’s easy to get lost, to get tired and not want to leave the house, the strain of putting on a clean pair of jeans and a nice blouse seems more like a chore then something you do for yourself. I received a very thorough tongue lashing from a male, non gay he made sure I knew, hairdresser this weekend on making sure my hair was done whether I was leaving the house or not.
Hopping online is a quick fix of the illusion of chatting with someone. We have found a way to not only incorporate our previous and often unused skills, but be known and the salvation of just being considered a ‘top’ blogger, have more then 10 comments on a post, or be looked up to is something that most online presences try to achieve.You can admit it or not, but it’s true.
And while 10 may do it, millions try it, and they try it hard.
As a mother myself, I have been fortunate enough to connect stories, share experiences, and find true friends online, but I can be honest enough to say at the sacrifice of assembling the local moms meetings, or joining a neighborhood baseball game. And while no, none of it is honestly “my thing” as I am someone that isn’t keen on swapping whose baby pooped green last, I think women are so far from that anymore that the women I truly would meet at the park are going to be just as savvy, connected, and interesting as I perceive myself to be. In a way, I think the “I don’t have anything in common with them” excuse is more a cover for the “I have too much to do” curse.
A Look at my Day:
I realize I may be slightly abnormal in that I work from home and socialize from home, so my hours will be skewed, but I put enough time in combined that I learn to recognize the same faces over and over again and know I’m far from alone. It’s important to note that I am self employed, so I have to set my own hours and that can be a heavy burden to bare, especially when the work I do never really has an ending date, a closing of an account, its all ongoing. Nonetheless, here is my day.
745 -12:30 My daughter goes to school and I start my work. This consists of email returns on 2 accounts, both business related but separate companies. Checking up on my community, getting up the first blog posts of the day, and closing any open PR accounts I may have. It also usually hosts atleast 1-2 hours worth of phone meetings.
1:45-3:30 Daughter is napping and off I go again. Checking email that came in, getting up and scheduling content, follow up with consulting, PR, and some socializing will inevitably occur.
About 4:30 I check Recipe Zaar for dinner. Yes, even my meals come from the net. But I have to say, this site is a one stop shop.
6:30-11:15pm Chris usually takes Charlotte out to go hang out with neighborhood girls, then gives her a bath, and it starts all over again for me. The evening also consists of orders from my online boutique, website building contracts I may have, onslaught of emails again, scheduling postal pick ups, and more.
Total time online between Boutique, Blog, and Business?
Approximately 11.5 hours a day.
Total time face to face with people? Maybe 4.
The truth is that in my life, I have developed into the person whose house isn’t spotless anymore, the person who spends almost 80 hours a week working from home on the next contractual job, and who sometimes has to remind herself that taking out 30 minutes to go for a walk with my family in the evening is more important then the next hairbow holder that has to get out the door or the next blog post that must go up. I’m not good at turning down someone if they need my help or want advice on something. And even worse, my income depends on it.
I have set a standard in my life that I can barely keep up with and its clear that I may die trying.
But don’t worry, there is a plot next to me with your name on it.
~Trisha
Richard (31)
Crystal @ Simply ... (1)
25 Comments
Starting a business myself I totally relate to socializing from home through Facebook wall posts (where there isn’t even back and forth conversation so really it’s an illusion that feels and appears to be socializing) and occasional Iming. I was just mulling the “socializing from home” thought around my head the other day after signing off from FB. . . I was feeling so happy that I had some time to stop (well mostly stop, I will admit I was doing some work on the side, just not with the same intensity) and visit with my girlfriend through Im’s. I thought about how convenient it was, we didn’t have to set up a time and go to one or the others home and how my chatting fit so nicely around and within my work so I could keep moving and not take time away from what needed to be done. I was thanking the gods of Facebook for the invention when I suddenly realized: oh my god I’m living an isolated life with me, my Mac, and words typed on a screen. What’s going to become of me? I’m slipping away to becoming someone that is known by picture and name, they’re going to find me here stiff and dead behind this screen and whose going to show up at my funeral . . . they’ll have to have my computer there during visiting hours…
Theresa Jane
Love the post. At first I found myself totally consumed with my blog and hubby was not to happy. I have finally found a decent balance where everyone is happy in the house. I cant imagine being at your level.
I do have to add to the first paragraph though, texting. I think its taken over the world. I do it and I love it because its so fast. We were waiting in line at Legoland a few weeks ago and a mini boat of 4 teenage girls floats by and they were all texting on their phones. No talk, no gossip, no giggling just staring mindlessly into their phones. I think every person in line made a comment on how times have changed.
Lucy
I work full-time, I volunteer with the Junior League, I have a 4 yr old, and do it all. I have no neighbors with kids. I literally pull my car into the garag and shut it promptly behind me. I live in the most suburban community, yet none of my neighbors talk to each other.
I’m an only child. We barely have relatives near us.
My online life is my community. I actually spend a lot of face to face time with my friends, which some of them are bloggers. We all lead very busy lives these days, and I’m just trying to survive in the rat race.
I have to say, I really do the playground thing, and no, the conversations really DO revolve around whose kid pooped green last, or if they even did poop. If it’s not that, it’s about last night’s soccer practice or game. My kid’s not athletic, so we’re already outsiders because of that. Then I have a brain and life beyond my kids on top of that. I’m a black sheep in my neighborhood – BAAAAAAAAAAAA. At least online, it’s easy to find others with similar interests. Quite a few of my online friendships have turned into real life ones as well. We may not see each other in the flesh every day, but enough that those friendships are cemented by more than a computer screen and keyboard.
It also helps to have a healthy loathing of social media. I’ve heard it can suck you in, but I have no problem walking away. I still don’t really like Twitter or Facebook. My blog and MomDot are the only things I’m on daily.
You hit the nail on the head exactly, only I still work FT and try to keep up basically FT with my blogs too.
I think you made an important point re your stylist – it’s important that even though you work from home, to still maintain your personal appearance.
Also, re Cat – yes, we may have face/face contact with people, but I too am selective in my IRL friendships.
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Great article. And remember, tomorrow we start all over again! I was just commenting this week about how spending more time online means the rest of the house goes off the tracks. It’s a delicate balancing act for sure.
Lisa C.
I LOVE this article! Sooo funny.
Fabulous post Trisha. I definitely think there are some people out there (who shall remain nameless) who definitely spend WAY more time on the internet than spending time with their friends and families. I think it’s really sad that their personal life has taken a backseat, their personal lives are being forgotten about and they solely rely on the internet for a social life. It’s all about balance. If you are doing this social media/blogging thing and making money from it, or getting started in the hopes of making money from it, then it should be treated as any other business. Hours should be allocated, but at the end of the day you need to ‘come home’ so to speak. I think too many people are getting caught up in the addiction and neglecting other things that should be equally or even more important.
I love blogging (I have 3 of them). I love Facebook. I love Twitter. I love other social networking sites. I love my kids more.
Oh wow! I feel like I could have written this exact post! In fact, just 15 mins ago, I updated my Twitter status with this: “Twittering, Blogging, facebooking…relationships in the 21st century.”
I spend my life working to make a difference in the lives of others, and recently realized that I was not doing the same for myself or my family. I am not sure if it was the PPD I just went through after having baby #4 (with a tween and 2 toddlers, too!), or The Love Dare Challenge my husband and I are doing, but I came to the conclusion I just could not keep going the way I was.
I felt as if I were a gerbil in a cage going round and round on that blasted wheel getting nowhere fast. The sense of overwhelm consumed me. I am very passionate about MUIB, and I do admit I have a difficult time saying no.
My life had become nothing but unorganized chaos, and I felt like a hypocrite. I needed a sign to hang on my door “Do as I Say, Not as I Do.”
So, my husband and I sat down and talked. He works crazy hours too, so we came up with a schedule for the month of when I would work while he tends to the kids, when we would do things OUTSIDE of the house as a family, scheduled time off of work for me, some quality time for us, and some much needed ME time!
So far, I am amazed at the difference! Life has become more fun. I am enjoying my kids more, my job more, my home more. I am making more money, yet I am working less. I am much more productive, more rested….just more ME. I feel like I have come full circle.
Lesson learned. Just hope it sticks!
Great post! Yes, Trisha, I will take that plot next to yours!
I haven’t been blogging that long and my goal was always to help out my family’s bottom line so that my Husband didn’t have to work so much overtime. It hasn’t worked out… yet. But I keep plugging along. Most days, I feel like I am mainlined to my PC. I am afraid to not post for a day or not get to every one’s site that commented on mine. We are supposed to reciprocate, right? It is getting harder and harder to do this in one day.
Then there are the Mom sites, like 5mins 4 Mom, SITS, and MomDot. Not to mention facebook, twitter and myspace. GOOD LORD! I don’t even really know how to use those sites properly and it would take me hours to figure it out! There are groups within groups within groups…..OY VIE! And don’t forget blogcatalog and the similar sites….It makes my brain itch!
I am thinking there needs to be a way to just use wireless router to connect my brain to the PC. Then I can twitter, blog and facebook away all day long while finally getting my absolutely filthy house clean. That’s where it seems we are going, anyway. Women are already twittering their labors and when their toddler pees….:D
Dang, now my brain REALLY itches! How the heck do I scratch that? Maybe I can find it on Google…:P
Me. This post is ME, for sure. I do emails for a certain time, work on replies, blog reviews, misc. posts, family time, etc… I LOVE my job – I do have to say that though! I feel so rewarded from what I do.
@ POSHpreneur Clarissa:
same here. I need to connect with people… to make eye contact.
You’ve pretty much described my life as well, at least the last 8 years of it. 99% of my interactions with real people outside of my immediate family are done online. I’ll admit, it’s easier to find like minded people online. Out of probably every 20 people I meet in person, I’ll probably only “click” with 1 or 2 at most. I guess I’m just picky.
I get out daily…I have to…I just HAVE TO get that real life interaction
Veeerrrrryyy interesting observations. Sad, but true. It’s a very hard line to walk, to find that balance. I often have to remind myself to put the laptop down and just PLAY with my son. It’s so easy to get caught up in the blogosphere and twitterland.
But on the other hand, I have a very strong dislike for most IRL mommy groups…so I appreciate the moms I’ve fond online….who I can actually “socialize” with.
Your plate is overflowing not just full!
To be honest I like connecting with people online. I’m sort of an introvert so it works out well for me.
I try not to get too caught up with it but man it is a good break during the day and break by I mean a 4 hour break somedays, lol!
I feel EXACTLY the same. However, this is just how the world is now. It changes and evolves.. and we are currently in a computerized world. I can only imagine the inventions that my grandchildren will be attached too!
Definitely seems like for some it can be the end to other social activities. I have put effort into creating more social activity opportunities for myself and my son over the last year. We have met some great friends and had some good times. We are hoping over the summer to spend more time with them since we will be out of school and able to play at the park and do things outside. I think it is very important to ones health to have connections that are not digital, real human connection and conversation cannot be duplicated online. The internet has many benefits, don’t get me wrong, and I sure enjoy a bunch of them.
I know it is so easy to fall into a habit of spending all my waking hours online; and I did for awhile. I do spend a lot of time on Twitter, Facebook and Digg, plus several other ning social networking sites. Add in my blog and my other online sites and it can be all-consuming. I do spend every Tues. plus usually at least one to two more days a week in my son’s class (I’m room mom), I’m a PTO member and soccer mom… so I do feel like I balance the “real world” with my “virtual world”.
It definitely is a balancing act. My hubby is great and is a hands-on-dad, so that helps. I try to schedule blocks of time to take care of work. Because when all is said and done… family comes first. As much as I love what I do… my son is my top priority. Like the old saying goes… when someone is on there death bed do they regret they didn’t work longer/harder? No they regret not spending more time with their family and friends.
So sorry for the long comment!
You wrote as if you were writing for me. I feel exactly the same way. I haven’t been blogging as long as you, it’s been fairly recent but I’ve been caught in the “spending all my time online”. I stop to breastfeed my 3 month old, to cook and to play a little with my 4 yr old when he comes home.
I’m on a year maternity leave (Canada) and my goal is to try and make some income enough that I don’t have to go back to work. I love being home with my sons. So that was my motivation to start blogging.
In the process, I love the connections that I’ve already made and continue to make and now it’s become more of a life.
I feel better knowing that I’m not the only one who hates the thought of getting dressed up to do something.
You do a great job and in the short time I’ve been online, I know that you are one of the “greats”.
Snort. A plot next to you with my name on it. That cracked me up. You basically described my life. Not sure I want to claim it, but it’s mine!
great post! I so completely agree with you too! Sure you dont want to add to that and join the new blog team? LOL I know your too busy but had to ask!
Except for your pulling your recipes from the *ahem* wrong site, your day is a lot like mine.
Some of his off days I spend more time online while he parents the kids. It gets hectic, but it works and while I get frazzled, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on much. OK sanity maybe.
I get up at 5 to get in a couple hours before the kids are up. My kids don’t go to school, so yes, I tweet intermittently, but no real work is accomplished until nap time. I work again seriously after they are in bed until 10.
My husband works rotating shifts which are incredibly obnoxious, but hey, he has a job.