Moms are possibly the most brilliant and evil creatures on the face of the planet. The minute a child comes sliding out of our vagina’s, we turn into a bossy, my way is right, and your way sucks opinionator.
Unless you were like that before, then kudos to you.
But I’m specifically talking about the major debates that are prevalent in the 1000s of generated discussions online. Breast feeding or Not , preschool or not, circumcision or not..all clearly personal decisions that can only be dictated by your truth and experiences.
For isn’t it true that what we are living is the right way no matter which way it is? Think about it. Its deep.
I can guarantee to you that I will never care if you decide to whip your boob out for 2 years or 2 weeks, or if you choose to lop some skin off your childs penis. I certainly would never be passionate enough about it to dictate that you are wrong.
However, my absolutely favorite argument that goes on is Stay at Home Mom versus Working Mom. Its the “mother” of all fights, even for moms that work in jobs relating to medical billing. The one that gets everyone hot under the collar and what internet dreams are made of. If you are a traffic monger, nothing is going to send you more trolls and traffic then making an inflammatory, accusatory statement on your beliefs with this subject.
I used to know a girl that firmly believed if you were a working mom, you were pretty much the scum of the earth. It horrified her so much that just talking to someone that worked out of the home was as bad as shaking hands with a person with open sores on their hand and a sign around their neck that said “I have AIDS”.
She believed that a moms only duty was to be home, to cook, and probably to bend over 6 out of 7 days a week for her husband.
I am sure in pearls and an apron.
On the flip side, I have known moms that work by choice. Oh, horror of horrors to some. They drop their kids off at daycare and with a jump, hop, and a skip, head off to work and swear that their kids are gaining a valuable education and learning responsibility from watching parents earn outside the home, not to mention the social skills of interaction.
Let me tell you why these arguments piss me off.
Everyone leaves out ME.
I am work at home parent.
Some say..that is the best of both worlds! Oh, sure, and the WORST. The grass isn’t always greener, sometimes its blue, or pink, or has cat throw up on your last order sheet. You haven’t lived till your office doors are closed and you see the faces of your daughter and husband peering in at you through the window pane asking you to “stay home from work today”.
And other mothers, they don’t understand. Both sides of the spectrum look down on you. I fit in no where. I get cross-eyed glazed over blank faces if I try to explain my days. I can’t nod my head in agreement with the stay at home mom that spends her days wiping butts and baking cakes. I cant even remember to set a timer most days and its all I can do to not burn the house down before my insurance forgets about the last time I burned my house down.
I have no lunch dates. No bonus check. No Christmas parties. No meetings.
I wear jogging pants to work, not suits.
I am the shipper, the marketer, the website designer, the customer service agent, the product developer, the assembler…I am also the mom, the lunch maker, the nap putter-downer, the sippy cup getter, the barbie player, the bath time maker, the clean the kitchener, and the switch the laundry-er.
In a world where moms create outcasts based on their choices, I am the ultimate misfit, because I fit in neither argument.
I can tell you that it makes me smile though. I am blessed that I am here when my daughter wants to read a book, or snuggle on the couch, I am the one that feels the success of a “job well done” email from a customer, and a kiss on the cheek from my husband as he passes through.
And while I cant always “call into work sick”, I can stumble downstairs in my PJs, skip the deodorant, put on some coffee (and baileys!) and catch up on Rock of Love while creating my domination of the world from my own office. I can even adjust the AC without needing a key or permission.
Somehow the worst of both worlds….just got better.
~Trisha
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Well, I have worked and stayed home…. I believe there both work. But, working at home is much harder for me. Working outside the home is like an escape for me and some sort of social life. Now I don’t have one. Miss It! Love my kids and husband but I find myself Lazy at home. I have to stay home because of brain surgery and seizures. Also, I know mothers that work that but off at home as I sit and mope…. I need a life?!
Since I am a working mom that use to be a stay at home mom that use to be a working from home non-mom
I think I can add a few cents to this convo.
How true it is that it’s all work! No way is the grass easier on any of the different sides. Each women/mom works differently so to say it’s wrong for going to work, staying home, or working from home…well that’s just wrong. Gosh why can’t people just let other people live and have a cup of baileys in the morning =)
I hear you! I have been a work at home mom since my daughter was born 7 years ago. And lemme tell you…it’s HARD! In the beginning I had the delusion that I could just come home after giving birth and put my gurgling cooing infant in a basinette next to the computer while I workd. WRONG! No one tells you that infant needs SO MUCH ATTENTION! I hardly got any work done that first few months. When she got on a regualr nap schedule, I’d work during her naps. But then she gave up her nap at 18 months. I CRIED. But I adjusted. I started getting up at 3 in the morning to work before she and my husband got up. (I can’t work at night, I’m done by then). Well, that put a crimp in my marriage as I was asleep by the time my husband got home. Preschool gave 3 mornings a week for three hours. Kindergarten gave me 5 mornings a week for 3 1/2 hours. 1st and 2nd grade have finally given me 6 hours a day five days a week. But there are still summers. Those long, long summers. And forget socializing with adult uman beings. Or going out to lunches! And I want to know what water cooler conversation means! Still, I love the fact that I can wear my ratty slippers to work. Or get up and walk into the other room and kiss my kid on a whim. With perks like that, who needs expense accounts?
Toni
http://www.mammakaze.com
Trisha, I am in the same boat, and have been for years. Before blogging, I had an eBay business that I did from home. It is really hard to be mom and run a successful business from home, but I love it. Like you, there are not many moms in my situation, but isn’t it good to be different?
Different….crazy….same thing, right?
I don’t have a problem with moms who work or don’t work or work from home. I have a problem with the opinionated attitudes. Like mom’s don’t use their brains when they stay at home. I’ve gone to work, and I can tell you I use my brains at home quite a bit, thank you very much, lol. I hated working, I hated not being there to keep the kids in line or to love them up.
I’ve worked outside the home when my kiddo’s were young and I’ve stayed home when they were young.
They saw a mom who would have loved to be with them most minutes of the day, but did at the time, what was right at the time.
They have grown into a couple of A-one humans who are responsible and would do the same thing. We cannot control what happens around us a lot of the time, but we can control our behavior.
And if timing dictates that you have to go out there and be away and get that pay…well, it is a lesson to the children that not everything can be one way all the time. We make sacrifices. Bottom line is we should all support each other and our choices. it’s hard enough just getting through a day anymore no matter what you pull out of your hat.
If you can be at home, then be at home. It does hurt to miss the growing up stuff. But if you need to work, for whatever reason, don’t feel guilty. Just make the time you are together as special as you can.
In a perfect world, we could all just lay around eating jelly beans and pooping rainbows but we just don’t live in that world…darn it.
speak for yourself. I eat bon bons all day. LOL
Awww. My mom is a WAHM. It is HARD. Especially since she worked for her husband. She was “office manager”. He was out on the field. But she had to deal with his clients, employees and the kids. Payroll, ensuring files were in order, marketing, communications ….
I did envy her when she got to work from home and I worked from an office though – with my child being cared for by my gma. But I think she envied me once I got to stay home full time (not work from home)with the kids.
But no matter what – we respect each others decisions and lifestyles and the choices we make.
I have nothing clever to say other than, what a wonderfully written post!
Great post! I totally get the work at home thing. Working moms think it is fake or something and stay at home moms still think it is ridiculous – like you just don;t want to spend time with your kids. Good for you on having a door to the office too – I need one of those…badly.
I love the way you put things into perspective. Great post!
And in the words of Hannah Montana, ‘You’ve got the best of both worlds….’! lol 