10 things I hate about pregnancy
…cause I am feeling like a complainer today.
1) I hate when you are like 12 weeks PG and people you don’t know can’t TELL you’re PG, but you feel the need to announce it to everyone you meet….cause you don’t want people to think your just putting on the “Mommy 15″ or eating ho-ho’s at the computer all day.
2) I hate that every teenager, non-mom, and man out there gives you the look if you are drinking a Dr. Pepper like you are killing your baby. STFU. Caffeine is not going to kill this child. In fact, your mom probably had a beer or two in her day.
Or smoked a joint.
3) I hate that when standing in line old people feel the need to touch your belly, ask you far along you are, and give you advice from weight gain to raising your child.
And it’s bad advice.
“You can start cereal at 3 weeks old..it helps them sleep!”
4) I hate that when you get to the point that you can’t wear your wedding rings cause your fingers are too swollen, people look at you sadly like you just got knocked up at the club.
“Look at that poor, poor girl all alone…however will she do it?”
5) I hate that people think I am an invalid. Yes, getting up the stairs is hard, yes, sleeping is hard, yes, I get winded earlier then I used to, but I can seriously walk around Target without a wheel chair, and you dont need to carry this bag of cotton balls to the car for me, thankyouverymuch.
6) I hate that maternity clothes are SO not stylish….do women with child have to look like they are from either the 1800′s or the 1970′s? Solid colors, straight lines, please, please, someone design with a sense of purpose and beauty!
7) I hate that even before I have a baby, I mean way way way before, my boobs are already leaking.
8 ) Speaking of boobs, I cannot stand that everyone I know wants to ask me if I “am breastfeeding”.
- First, I dont know.
- Second, its my choice.
- Third, I won’t be killing my child if I do or if I dont. I dont live in a 3rd world country. I can handle the decision without a vote.
- Fourth, stop thinking about my boobs. It’s creepy.
9) I HATE choosing between a full piece and a two piece swimsuit. The full piece suits in maternity wear are fugly, you grow out of suits quick in non-maternity, and the two pieces are a little more skin then I think I can deal with.
People would totally stare at a PG woman in a bikini.
But damn it all if it doesn’t sound super practical at this point.
My best advice at this point is to not get pregnant anytime that will leave you dealing with a summer. <—good advice
10) I hate that I can’t have a glass of wine, champagne, or a shot of vodka. This is the one time in my life I need it…atleast to sleep and to stop this fetus from breaking a rib or two on some nights.
You feel me?
OK, now you go…anything you hate about being PG? Where are my Mamas at?