There is nothing about being online that is more judgmental. As a blogger we often put our families, spouses, and selves on display and there is nothing more disheartening then when a topic of discussion turns to nastiness. Last night, Jen from Life with Levi posted on her facebook this picture (credited to Granola Babies):
Her entire intent was to show support that no matter what type of mom we are, we are all good moms.
Instead, in true internet fashion, it turned to nastiness that would rival a middle school bully. If you want to read the mud slinging, name calling, and people referring to circumcision as being a pedophile, knock yourself out. Just know Jen is a nice person and this was NOT her intention.
So Jen has started a meme where bloggers can basically be honest. Be honest about what kind of mom you are and that it is OK. Taking a deep breath, here we go.
I am a mom all the time.
I am a bad mom some times.
I am a good mom some days.
I am a FANTASTIC mom most days.
At some point during the week I like one of my kids more than the other.
I let my daughter eat candy and ice cream…and not just on special occasions. In fact, I am pretty sure we have had cake for breakfast.
I do not let my kids have a drop of soda. Not cause it isn’t “healthy”, but because I don’t want to ruin their teeth.
I use disposable diapers.
I breastfed my daughter for a few months, then pumped, then formula. With my son, I skipped it all and only formula fed.
I probably kiss them way WAY too much and will until they physically push me down and then I will hold them down and still do it.
I make my daughter wear shorts under ALL her dresses.
I do not like my daughter playing with boys that are not family.
We go to restaurants and eat non organic food.
I take baths with my infant son and my daughter walks in all the time when I am in the shower and I don’t run from her.
My daughter had a paci till she was 3 and my son is 1 and I imagine he will too.
My daughter still has a special blanket that she sleeps with…and so do I.
I let my daughter take cups with her to bed till she was 5 and she still keeps water on her dresser now at 7. She has never had a cavity in her life.
My son is 13 months and not off formula or bottles. I am not pushing it.
I had my daughters ears pierced at 5 months old…they closed up and she is now 7 years old and wants them back. I will let her.
Both of my kids have to sleep in their own beds unless they are sick…and even then I prefer to lay with them in their room than them in mine.
Some days I wish they would sleep till 7pm so I did not have to make breakfast, lunch, dinner and clean up whatever they threw on the floor for the umpteenth time.
We pray every night before bed.
And you know what else? I love my children so much it hurts some days. There is no parent right or wrong. I do not care if you breastfeed, so you should not care if I bottle feed. I listen, love, and hold my children for their every need. I try to balance their independence while still providing them with a shelter of their mother. I hope that they grow up to be smart, strong, and self sufficient, but I can promise you that in raising them, it will have nothing to do with HOW I cared for them but that I cared FOR them.
Sometimes people remark that Phoenyx is the “happiest baby they have ever seen”. That is because his family loves him and he knows that.
If you want to be a proud mother, feel free to post back on your blog and confess your “bad habits” and link up on Jens site.
What you are doing right now? I can assure you that it’s good enough.
~trisha
Love this.
And I am secretly glad I am not the only one who likes one kid over the other at times.
I really dislike the way mothers attach each other. We don’t need that. I think the majority of mom’s do the best they can for their children. Comments like on the facebook post you were talking about is one of the main reasons I don’t frequent mom forums anymore. I hate to see a mother attacking another mother because she didn’t breast feed. I think it’s aweful to hear a mother put another mother down because she lets them eat candy sometimes. I’ll be the first to say I’m not perfect and I allow my kids some liberties that other parents don’t. I don’t always agree with how this person over here is doing something but I figure as long as they are taking care of their child and their actions are not harming my children, then so be it. I work outside my home. I had people tell me I”m a bad mother because I work outside my home. You can’t blame someone for trying to support their family. I think I might do my own post like this and say it was inspired by yours. I think more moms need to heard that it’s ok.
What a horrible mom you are! *said in my sarcastic voice*
If we all mothered the same, life sure would be boring, wouldn’t it? Our kids would be boring and the same.
Who wants that? I know I sure don’t!
Sounds to me like you’re an awesome mama, as we all are (most of us anyway! lol)
I enjoyed reading your blog!
I love it!
Seriously?! What losers! I hate that people feel the need to judge everyone and, man, being a mom is a tough job that feels thankless most of the time. I may consider the meme but I’m afraid the 1000+ words I write may be a bit overwhelming. I so relate to this: “Some days I wish they would sleep till 7pm so I did not have to make breakfast, lunch, dinner and clean up whatever they threw on the floor for the umpteenth time.” I’ve really been trying to get my daughter (and myself) on a good schedule since I homeschool her and do not have a conventional secular job. Still, I didn’t wake her up this morning so I could have some quiet time and let her sleep in another couple of hours…
I remember reading once that it was far more important that you hold your child while feeding and look into his/her eyes than what you fed them. I took that to heart.
I was better able to nurse my second child and I am glad of it, but certainly cannot judge people for their choices. 
Amen. That is all.
I’m an 18 yr old mother to a three week old beautiful baby boy and many people think that’s my first mistake. Many say I’m irresponsible bc of it. I didn’t plan for my son, he just happened, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to love him any less. I had him circumcised, I let him sleep in my bed, I breastfeed him and let him fall asleep eating and I pick him up everytime he cries. Sometimes I will just hold him as he sleeps. Many people think that I make many mistakes by doing these things, including my own mother. I’m not a perfect mom, in fact when I can’t figure out what’s wrong with him I feel like I suck at it. I try my hardest to do what I think is right and that’s what makes you a good mother is trying bc nobody is perfect and no child will ever be perfect.
I did all that at 25 with my first child. He was an only child so he got my full attention for 4 years. My second, mostly the same but a little less. My third, she sucks her thumb, I am done bf after 6 months and I can only hold her when I am not chasing down my 3 yr old. I am 32 and also feel like I suck at being a mom when my child is running through the store screaming as I am chasing after her. Age has nothing to do with what type of mom we are. Some days I am on top of everything and all is bliss, others the kids are running around screaming and so am I.
Des, you are a great mom,love you!
I love this, I think I might do this on my blog too!
While my children are now 18 & 19, let me tell you so much of that applied to me. I thought I was a horrible Mom for so many years, but seeing how wonderful and completely different my kids turned out, I think I did a great job. I would not go back and change a thing because it would change who my kids are which is decent, kind, smart, funny, driven and passionate. Just keep doin what your doin and it will all be good.
I love this! I am so tired of feeling like parenting is a competition when in fact every child’s needs and every family is different. Just because one does it one way does not mean it is best for us. I have seven children, I love them all the same. I will do anything i know to do to raise them, I am exhausted, I only get to go out with my husband once maybe twice a year, I have 2 friends that i never see but get to talk on the phone with, I really suck at studying spelling words with my 6 year old so far this year(feeling very guilty) , I love to read but don’t get to,and my house has been a mess since I brought number 7 home lol. But you know what? I would never change the fact that I was blessed with my children. They are loved and love me. I often get complimented on how great they are and well behaved. I say they are great kids and they make it easy, but the truth is they are my mission, my reason for getting up every day. I may not be crunchy or green, or have a career, but we are all happy. I look forward to the years to come and my table always being surrounded and the 35 grandchildren I will have lol!
Our babies,, one, two, and four co sleep with us every night on the floor. Like a sleep party. We have the happiest well behaved children ever. Among other things, I do not and will not regret
It is so obvious that your children are loved and happy, so for me, it is no one else’s business how you feed them or dress them, You are a good mom, period.
I don’t judge you for formula feeding or using Pampers or Huggies or whatever. Your children are loved more than anything, and they know it. How could anyone find fault in that?
Thanks for inspiring my post and sharing your “crappy” mom side
Hmmm… I have two children, a 2 year old daughter who thinks she runs the show and a 1 year old son who makes who messes everywhere he goes. Oh, and did I mention that I am pregnant with #3? So, yeah, I get tired. Sometimes for dinner we eat waffles, because I don’t feel like cooking. I probably let my kids watch too much t.v. because I just need a break sometimes. I do feel like a crappy mom from time to time, but you know what, I adore my kids. I spank them, I scold them, I lose my temper sometimes, but I love them to pieces. I would do absolutely anything for them and they know it. None of us are perfect, we all have our own ways of doing things, but it doesn’t matter. We all love our kids. We don’t co-sleep, I exclusively breastfed both of them until they were 1, we took away their pacifiers at 1, their immunizations are up to date, we don’t always eat the healthiest food, my son is circumcised, and my daughter’s ears were pierced at 4 months. People can criticize all they want and it doesn’t matter. I have 2 incredibly happy, healthy children who love their parents and who are confident that they are loved. They are safe, secure and well taken care of. Thanks for this post
I wish more people would stop criticizing and start supporting each other. Being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life!
You know, I don’t have kids yet, and it still drives me crazy when I hear people criticizing other’s parenting skills. My feeling is that unless someone is specifically asking another person for advice, it’s not the place of others to tell them what they think they’re doing wrong. Every person is different, every family is different, and even if you THINK you know what is right for someone else, it might not be. And even if someone actually makes a mistake, you know what? Every one of us does. People’s personal lives are their own business and we have no way of ever truly knowing another’s circumstances. My rule of thumb is, if a law is being broken, then call the police. Short of that? None of my business.
You know before I became a mom I had all these crazy ideas of what made the perfect mom and right now I’d get a big fat F if I held myself to those ideals. I try my best everyday to be a great mom but some days I just plain suck at it. Does this mean I wouldn’t move heaven and earth for my son? Nope. It just means that I’m a mom.
Good post. We are all doing the best we can, and as long as we are loving and caring for our kids, it’s the best there is.
Thank you for sharing – it’s awesome to see how much EVERY mom does for her kids.
Great post. We should all just love and support each other like when my grandmother was raising her kids!
great post!! and way more positive then mine ended up
Love this!!!
And this is why I can’t talk about my story of my son and how he almost passed away at birth, because those who knew I circumcised my son put me into so much guilt, it made me fall into a deep depression. So deep I almost committed suicide. So I’ll say it here. Yes I circumcised my son. Nope I had no clue he had a blood deficiency or congenital heart defect that would make him bleed to death (almost). Does this make me a bad mother? Absolutely not. Yet others felt the need to tell me how horrible I was when my husband and I chose to circ our son while he was fighting for his life. Sad, sickening and inhuman of those who did this to me.
We birth our children not other parents. I do not understand when parents will see this. We all do things differently. We all make our own choices. There is no RIGHT or WRONG way. I saw the post and in infuriates me how others can judge other parents.
It sickens me we are trying to teach our children that bullying is bad, yet parents feel they can bully other parents choices with their children?
Just because we formula feed, or choose to circumcise or wear disposables or co-sleep or baby wear or immunize or start solids sooner or cry-it-out does not make us bad. It doesn’t make those who choose not to do those things bad. It is a choice we have made for our children. Parents STOP judging other parents.
Ill join in at nap time!
This is so good, Trisha. Thank you for sharing. I can tell you are an awesome mom from reading your blog. You know what? My oldest daughter slept right in the middle of us from a few days old until she went to her own bed. She hated her crib. I’m betting there are some people who would love to bash me! Whatever. It worked for us, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. My youngest loved her crib from day one, and that’s where she slept. With all that moms have to deal with, what a shame that we can’t all just respect each other and give each other grace.
Beautiful post!!! Ill link up this evening!