It’s true that no matter where I am online, health and weight are part of the discussion. Well, more-so weight but I assume health because it boils down that way in the end. Additionally the discussions on organic, learning to read food labels, processed foods, and pesticides are consistently prevalent no matter where I search or what I read. It could be the company I keep, but I also think it just may be the sign of the times.
McDonalds is out, driving to the farm to pick your own apples, in.
Straight up, I don’t care what you eat or what you feed your kids. Formula or breast, apples or chips, outside of my own home, at the end of the day, combined with personal knowledge and budget, I am sure most people do what they can to provide a balanced meal and a life laced with a few goodies. I have very few friends that are ONLY organic and very few friends that are total advocates for eating what you want, when you want.
Now weight has never been a huge discussion in my life.
While genetically my extended family has often ended up under the knife to lose pounds, I have been relatively blessed with a decent height/weight proportion my whole life. However, after having my second child, Phoenyx, my weight wasn’t something that has just shed off. I had a C-section combined with a tubal ligation and it has dramatically altered my body shape and skin and I have focused some of my energy into trying to get back to more slender figure.
Simply put, it has been a discussion in my house between my spouse and I for months.
All of that said, my reason for writing doesn’t have anything to do with weight or health or how you lose it or how you don’t. It’s how do you deal with your kids hearing you talk about exercise, food, and weight. I have a 7 year old and she is smart as a whip. When you think she isn’t listening, when you think she is in the other room, her bionic ears are soaking up everything you say. While my spouse and I discuss calories and weight loss, C section scars and stretched out skin, no matter how harmless or constructive we are talking, she is listening.
Which you think is fine.
Until recently when she started asking me about the calories on the back of drink bottles and has made references to being “skinny”. I can see her brain ticking about food.
It has made me pause.
Is this something I really want her thinking about? Talking about? Calories?
No. Not at all.
Growing up the only reference I can remember to food is my dad saying that grandma let me eat too many cookies. It was simply ‘dinner time’ and ‘go out to play’. That was the end of food and exercise.
I have decided that I have to make a change.
I had to put away the scale. I deleted my weight loss apps. I took out the bookmarks of my food tracking devices. I filed the calorie discussions.
My daughters behaviors will simply come from her watching me. Her self esteem will mirror mine.
I do not want her relating being healthy to how much she consumes or what foods she puts in her body on a daily basis. I don’t want her counting calories or tracking her food or measuring it. I don’t want her doing it at 7 any more than doing it at 27.
For those of you losing weight or watching what you eat, how do you make sure your kids are not taking the negative side of it and considering their own weight more than they should?
~trisha
I started a diet and now my little girl asks for diet food too. I don’t want her to ever worry about how she looks so I try to eat my “diet” food when she’s busy now.
My children are all grown accept for my little boy who is 11. The schools seem to be really pushing this topic. He’s a boy and only 11 and he came in from school one day and asked am I fat? There is a fine line you shouldn’t cross when talking to kids at school or home about weight issues. I understand the schools want to motivate the kids, but when my son comes home and asks if he’s overweight when he’s actually skinny did worry me. I am overweight and he has heard me complain and talk about it so now I try to focus on eating healthy and try not to talk about it at all, especially in front of my son. Still a difficult topic to deal with when society is feeding our children’s minds they have to look a certain way.
I think you are on the right track because you’ve noticed it and are doing your best to change the behavior now.
If she asks about daddy’s drink, just tell you’re not really sure and it doesn’t matter because she and daddy have different bodies that are both healthy and beautiful.
If she says something about her being skinnier during gymnastics, just say that a girl’s body is always changing and as long as she keeps eating healthy, she’ll always be just fine.
You’re a great mom, and I really don’t think you have anything to worry about because you have noticed it and you care enough to be conserned, thus change your own pattern.
My 4 year old daughter came home from PreK (in public school) one day this year saying that if you eat too much and don’t exercise you get fat. Though true it worries me a little that this is being pushed so hard at such an early age. She is now on a “i have to eat to grow up big and strong” kick she learned somewhere but doesn’t understand that it has to be healthy food – not just any type of food.
Side note, where is Charlotte’s skirt from?
I got it at Marshalls, but the brand is Monster High
Kids should not even be thinking about calories or diets, America is too judge mental as it is. Keep the kids as kids, let them eat anything and everything =)
p.s Jenn from Life with Levi thinks you’re awesome
I always felt blessed to have boys, because I don’t think too many go to extremes like women. I had an ED when I was in my late teens, early 20s. I finally shook it off (the measuring, counting, etc) and fell in love with fitness, such a healthy way of being in shape. Eating right and exercise – who knew. So I try to emphasize THAT with the boys. I talk about protein and veggies and fruits and carbs. How the protein builds muscles, the fruits and veggies provide vitamins to keep organs healthy and the carbs give us energy. And how we dont’ need TOO MANY carbs. LOL. And how special snacks don’t do anything except taste good, so we can’t eat them all the time.
That said, I am sure they catch my off-hand remarks to DH as I worry that a pound here or there is fat versus muscle. But overall, I am not sure how unhealthy it is for them to hear that, when they see I do my darndest to be fit. And I have them in gymnastics to keep them active and strong. Love gymnastics!
I think discussing images of women in the media is an important piece of the puzzle. Many of those images are manipulated (yes, women can even be made skinnier through special effects in movies, not to mention younger looking!) I think it’s great to tell a little girl she’s beautiful, and it’s more important what’s happening on the inside. She could be praised for her beautiful actions. Love, smiles, hugs, and praise, all these are things that build a little girls’ confidence in my book. Sounds like you are doing the right thing!
Weight is such an issue for me. I lost a bunch with Weight Watchers. Gained it back after two kids. Now I am on Nutrisystem. It’s such a battle for me. I have a 7-year old daughter and it’s so hard to make sure I am teaching her to be “healthy” and happy with herself. Great post! THANKS for sharing!!!
My son who is 6 and daughter who is 4 listen to EVERYTHING too. I am VERY careful about talking about how fat I feel and gross I think I look lately. I have to be. They hear and absorb everything! One day I caught my son telling my daughter that if she eats that, she will get fat. I was shocked! I (hopefully) nipped that in the butt, but still it made me think… I need to be careful about negative things I say, because yes, kids do listen and they do mirror their parents, eventually. I want to mold healthy, happy kids and for that I MUST change the way I feel about myself and of course what I say.
In my house we don’t talk about fat or skinny. The calories are not discussed either, rather – “what’s in it”. I am trying to teach them to read the labels to eat healthy foods, not look at calorie content. I am ALWAYS looking at calorie content but I keep it private in my phone. There are plenty of healthy foods that are calorie high, and we don’t avoid them.
Abby will ask me why I workout and I tell her that I do it so I can feel good and be healthy.
I think it is NOT unhealthy for them to understand that what they eat affects them. I do think it is unhealthy for them to be obsessed over their weight and every last calorie. I believe you have to find the balance that works for your child.
For my 7 year old daughter I’m getting healthier so that I can do more things with her
It works for us. She has been one of those kids that prefers carrots and broccoli to chocolate or chips. And don’t get me wrong, she eats sweets, she eats cookies and cake and all sorts of things she should at her age, but she understands that she should have one cookie and not ten because she will have more energy with moderation 
Because of her I’m doing this weight loss the right way by not cutting anything from my diet, but do it all in moderation and stay active. She is very active and loves that I’m doing more running around the yard with her. She understands that it is important to have self control and do everything in moderation and that some things are just healthier and better for you than others. As for the scale I weigh myself every morning alone, she doesn’t know about it and I don’t discuss it. I do it for me so that I can be on track 
This is hard for me because Jeff is over weight and I’ve got 4 years of depression weight on me. Then there is Oj who runs NON STOP all day. I’m convinced he runs in his sleep too. Everyone always comments on how “skinny” he is (he eats non stop and yet you still can see his ribs and such). I hate it because then EVERYONE feels the need to force feed him food or make it sound like I don’t feed him … he eats and grazes a lot but I was the same way growing up. We’ve been talking about how Dad and I lost the track to being healthy and are getting on track with eating right and exercise. Oj’s asked me a few times if something was wrong with him because everyone tells him he is SO skinny. It breaks my heart. I tell him that his doctor isn’t worried and we’re not worried either.
You have taken the right approach. Charlotte is smart as a whip, so your concerns are valid. Just give hervgentle guidance right now. Things will work out.
For me, I found out a little over a year ago that I was diabetic. So watching what I eat, checking the back of the boxes, and tracking my weight is important. It is a matter of life or death…may sound extreme, but had I continued to go down the road I was going, I would have had much more major issues than I already have.
I do talk about lipo and whatnot with my husband, but when my kids are sleeping…when I am SURE they are asleep. I grew up in a house where my mother was VERY into making sure I wasn’t fat. She is one of the main reasons I battled anorexia and bulimia all of high school and part of college. It wasn’t until I met my husband and his family and realized that I am a great person regardless of my size, that I was able to win the fight with eating disorders. Unfortunately, after having my son, genetics and poor eating kept that weight on and my downward spiral with weight and diabetes started.
When it comes to dieting, I stress the importance of eating healthy for your health. I rarely mention losing weight, though they are aware that my doctor told me to lose weight to keep my diabetes in check.
I think a lot of it is all about words you use too. Like instead of saying “skinny”, you say “healthy”. Instead of counting calories, focus on eating the right amount of food in each of the food groups. They do soak in everything we say and do, so for me it’s a matter of how I want them to learn about being healthy, exercising, and appearances.
oh no, i want to be skinny now. Im plenty healthy. I just cant fit into my damn freaking before C section jeans…but i get what you are saying. ROFL. When talking to my spouse though i say i wish i was skinnier! You know?
Girl…if I had your body, I would be freaking happy!! =P But I do know what you mean! How about “slimmer”? Is that any better?! lol!!
This happened recently to my friend. She kept complaining about being fat. (she actually is obese and struggles with losing weight, it is so hard for her) Then, her 5 yo son picked it up. Don’t know if it was cause he is a boy or just that he comprehends things differently, but he started to treat her the way she treated herself. At the store he’d ask if she needed some “fat mama clothes” and if he saw someone else her size he’d call her fat too.
So how we talk about ourselves impacts our kids way more than just how they see themselves, it also changes how they see the world and others. I agree with Cat and you – we need to encourage high activity levels and healthy foods. Not talking so much about calories/weight/size/negative stuff.
I agree.
Having known people with eating disorders and knowing how the subject of weight affected me growing up due to the conversations the adults around me had, due to the comments said to me (I was heavier as a child/young-mid teen) by both adults and mean spirited kids, weight has been a taboo subject in our home. Even though I have struggled internally with it all my life, I determined a long time ago that this was not going to be an issue for my kids and I refused to talk about it.
Fast forward to the mistake of letting our daughters stay with their grandma while she was recovering from surgery and the commercials our oldest was subjected to while watching cable at grandma’s (we didn’t have cable or watch TV, just movies), a few new friends who seemed to discuss weight an awful lot, plus her starting to use the internet and BAM I am blind sided with a young teen who was worrying about her weight. It has taken me two years of praying and constantly telling her that she does not have any weight issues (she is 5’7 tall and a good weight for her height), we have only begun to get her over this hump. I don’t want her to struggle with this all her life. She is very health conscious and chooses to eat better than any of us in our family. Mostly because it’s good for her but also because she has chemical sensitivities and processed foods make her feel sick. I am proud of her for her healthy choices.
I would only caution other mothers to beware of magazines, commercials, friends and the whole world around us that bombard our girls with feelings of “not being good enough” or “pretty” enough or “thin enough”. It’s our job as parents, our spouses play a part in affirming our daughters about their natural beauty inside and out, as well as to protect them from an unrealistic outward appearance our culture shoves on all females. I know we can’t shelter them from it all but when they do start to ask those questions we need to help them distinguish between the commercial marketing, what is good for them and making right choices from the get-go.
I am a mother of a chunky 9 yr old, I was a full blown bulimic for 5 years of her life (16 years total of my 31 years alive) I will never know if my issues caused her to be chunky or if it is our horrible DNA. I spoke very frank with her Ped. to let her know where I was in my life and how I won’t do to her what my adoptive mother did to me, all that was suggested is that we watch her, and keep her active. My daughter knows not to eat too much junk, and to eat correct portions, and is very active in martial arts, and fast pitch softball. All I can do is watch for the signs that I know all to well and make sure she never ends up like me
Great post. Kids grow up too early and we have teens that are anorexic, bulemic and in essence killing themselves because of poor body image that was ingrained in them by their parents who constantly talked about diet, exercise and fat. Peers who commented on their weight or called them fat because their parents ingrained it into their heads. Magazines and TV which focuses too much on diet, exercise and shape.
You can be healthy at 10 lbs overweight or you can fit the weight charts and body mass charts perfectly and still have heart disease.
I agree kids should be kids and in my opinion one of the main reasons we have a problem with overweight kids isn’t the cookie they may have but the lack of exercise and abundance of video games and TV. You hit the nail on the head when you said your father told you to “go out to play”. Very few kids do that anymore. They exercise their thumbs more than any other part of their body and I’ve never seen a thumb workout work up a sweat.
Also, that’s why I like using my FitBit … the girls don’t see me counting calories, they see me pushing myself to stay active. There’s a little flower with leaves on the screen and they check it constantly to see if my flower is growing … when it’s not, they tell me we need to go for a walk. It’s a cute way for us to exercise together.
Do you wonder if they will consider that they are not active enough at thier age? I wonder how much kids pick up and translate to worring about thier own..no matter how well or cute we hide it. Does that make sense?
I actually hope they do pay attention to their activity level. As a kid, I was super active but these kids kind of need a push and they’re battling family genetics. Jon’s side is very obese, always has been and they have more of his genes than mine. We all kind of keep each other motivated.
It is a fine line that I’ve been struggling with myself. But for the most part, I think our kids are picking up the good side of the discussion than the bad. They’ve seen my husband and I lose weight, they don’t think we’re “fat” anymore and more importantly, they’ve never asked if they are fat themselves. I don’t want them having self esteem issues at this age (or any age) but I do want them to understand eating right, portion control and being healthy.
i agree that portion control and eating right…very smart. And i FEEL like we talk about it positively but then she goes and makes comments like “when i was doing gymnastics i was skinnier” and “does daddies drink have more calories or mine”…UGGGGGGGGGG. So the weight loss discussion are over in this house. I am so afraid she will be 13 going on 30 and worried about fitting into skinny jeans. I figured that I learned to eat right from just being served the right things. Yes, i do eat cake and shit. I love that stuff. But i dont sit on the couch w/ a spoon and clear out a container of ice cream.
I think at the end of the day I want her to just…be a kid. Its a scary thing to get caught up in weight all the time. kwim?