Hey everyone, its Miss Blondie again from Good Golly Miss Blondie and this week I have decided to tackle the issue of dating as a mom. The dating scene can be a very scary place for anyone, but having kids involved makes it that much harder. It forces you to be extra careful about who you date and bring home. I feel its harder to trust someone too. It’s always in the back of my mind, “How will he be with my kids when I’m not around. Can I trust him to be alone with them?” It’s probably more of a good thing than a bad because you’re screening process of a potential relationship is much more thorough.
When I meet people, I am always honest and upfront about being a mom. I am proud to be a mother and my feeling is, if they have a problem with me having a child then I don’t want to waste anymore of my time with them. However, I haven’t encountered many men that get scared or freaked out when I tell them I have a son. Even when I was in my early 20’s, the young men didn’t seem to mind. My situation is probably easier than some other single mothers situation because Hunter’s father isn’t involved, so men don’t have to “compete” with the other man.
When I do start dating someone I have some rules. I will not go out two weekend nights in a row. Which can tend to make things difficult but I don’t want my son to feel like I keep ditching him for some new guy. One way I handle this, is that guys are allowed to come over my house to hang out after Hunter is asleep. They are not allowed to sleepover. I never introduce guys to my son until it is an established relationship that has lasted at least 3 months. Trust me, this is one lesson I have learned the hard way. Kids get attached so easily, especially when all they want is that “father” figure.
Overall, its hard to balance dating, kids, friends, and work. And sure, when you are in a new relationship you want to spend all your time with that person, but you need to stop and make sure that you are not distancing yourself from everything else in your life because when/if the relationship ends all you have left is what you had started with. Your friends, kids, and family will all know that you were too busy on Cloud 9 to spend time with them. The key is just to find a healthy balance that works for everyone but to not wear yourself thin either. And its important to remember, that you hold all the cards. You make the rules and the good guys will understand.
~Miss Blondie
Wish I knew you when I was dating, which seems like such a very very long time ago now…
It sounds like you have great advice for single parents! I know too many single moms that have a new guy in their kids’ life every other week and they’re too wrapped up in their own world to see how they’re hurting them. It’s nice to “meet” someone who can be a great mom and still a woman too
Glad to see you’re not introducing the guys as ‘Uncle’. I have friends who do this.
While I am not going through this situation, I understand exactly how hard it is to let anyone into your parenting circle. Children notice every impression someone makes on them. They hardly ever forget.
You seem to have it figured out. Your son’s interest is most important and I commend you for that.
Great job! Keep the posts coming.