Every child has a specific thing that works for them. Right? Please tell me yes. Because I swear, I have the worlds SWEETEST child. She takes your face in her hands and talks to you, she gives you hugs like its the most important moment there is, her smiles can light up a room………..and then THIS happens:
DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Demon Child enters. This girl is hands down, the most STUBBORN human being, other then my sister and sister in law (oh great, genetics), I have ever met. This morning, massive melt down over PURPLE socks.
I mistakenly brought PINK ones down. She wants purple. No, I’m not going upstairs to find them. ” I want the PURPLE ones”. Head goes on the couch. Whimper, Moan, Complain. You would have thought it was a stock market crash.
Is this just a 2-4 year period of Pain-In-The-Ass that I have to deal with, or is there an effective way to STOP the temper tantrums. Trust me, I dont give into them, I walk away. But the drama will continue on and on and on. I remember when she was 2, she would hold a GRUDGE against me the entire day if she got into trouble. She would literally avoid me and not talk to me and wait for her daddy to come home. Its like I have a toddler going on 15 and a half years old. Where does she get this stuff?
The only positive thing I can say is that no one is going to make her do something she doesn’t want to. In Walmart two days ago, I cant remember the incident, but she refused to walk over something. So i left her there and kept going. She crossed her arms in the humph stance. I kept walking, glancing over my shoulder. She stayed. I got about 50 feet and she wasn’t coming. Now what kid does that? She would rather I leave her, then her give in. So i sidestepped to an aisle where i could see her, figuring she would come running. Nope. She took off in the OPPOSITE direction as soon as she thought I was gone. Then i had to RUN to catch her. It wasn’t pretty when I did. Lets just say that.
Lets see…ignoring it…….check. doesnt work.
Walking away……..check, doesnt work.
spanking/corner time….check, doesnt work.
Am I destined to have a child that is wonderfully stubborn? Is this my punishment for raising an independent child?
~Trisha
My daughter is almost 9 and she has always, I mean, always been a very emotional, very dramatic, and very independent little girl. I think by the time she’s a teenager, my husband will have to put me in a psych ward! I too, went through all the basics in trying to deal with her fits of emotional trama. Until I read a book about dealing with your “high-spirited” child, I was going crazy. She is over the top with everything. So the book says it’s up to us, the adults, to change our behavior in dealing with them. When our behavior changes, so does ours. It took me a while to learn how to change my behavior and not react to one of her antics, but I did. Not saying that I don’t fall back into her trap! Good luck!
Our first born was/is very compliant. She rarely gives us any grief. Our second however, is totally different. She’s 19 months and is relishing the terrible twos
With that in mind we have started reading Dr. Dobson’s Strong-Willed Child. You’ll find something, just be consistent with whatever you choose!
I have to cut it off at the first sign of meltdown, otherwise it will elevate to a level ten which makes my head hurt. I am the mean mom that gives him the evil eye and says sternly, don’t start, I will not play these games, cut it out, knock it off, don’t make me spank you.
He was starting up when I was dropping him off to preschool on Monday and I was like…don’t start, get in the train and get into the classroom, I will not play this game…all meanly. Some other mother tried to intervene and help by playing all nice and saying, oh look we need a caboose come on Aiden be the cabooose, all sweet and playful. I just shot her the eye and laughed and told him to buck up and get in the line or else. That is the only thing that works for him.
Prevention is key. I can’t let it get too far. My dh has not learned how to do that and he experiences a lot of meltdowns because of it.
My stubborn child, Pudding Pie, is just entering the terible two’s – yesterday, I even blogged about an incident involing a wagon . . . I do the counting thing and it works – sometimes. She also desperately calls for her dad when she thinks I’m being unjust. I shudder to think about the teenage years waiting for us!
I’m big on explanations. I always explain things before we do them, and while we are doing it. For us, this relieves a lot of anxiety and cuts down on meltdowns. I also tell my son what I expect from him before we do something.
We use time outs occasionally, but we use them as “quiet time,” a time to think about what happened and to calm down. He gets a warning before and I count to 3, but I rarely get past 2. Even when we’re out, all I have to do is start holding up fingers (to show I’m counting) and he’ll stop whatever it is.
I pick my battles (or try to), and he knows when I’m serious. But, I think it’s a trial and error to find what works for your kid.
Check out Jane Nelsen’s (or Nelson?) Positive Discipline books. They are great!
And you are right about spanking. Studies have shown that spanking doesn’t work on ANY kid in the long run. It MIGHT work on your kid for right now but it won’t make a difference for tomorrow or next week. The only thing spanking teaches kids is that hitting is okay sometimes, that it’s okay for someone who loves them to hit them, and that violence can solve problems. Where did we get the crazy idea that to make a kid want to be better we have to make them feel worse? It doesn’t work!
Good luck. In theory I think I have the answers and then in real life I never do!!
I will tell you what Nanny Jo told me as she watched my kids walk all over me:
Find what works…and it may take awhile with 7 different personalities…and then BE CONSISTENT. Without consistency, every method will fail.
Hope that helps!
Peace be with you~ Kadi The Innkeeper
I know what you mean. Haley is at that stage right now. We’ve been using a sticker chart. So far just letting her put stickers on it is working. I just threaten to not give her stickers and the tantrum stops. I’ve yet to offer a reward. We’ll see how long it lasts. And I too do the ignoring.
Good luck!
Toro Stroller, Contest Edit Ribbon #20
btw i love the pic with the caution: do not enter! lol
She is too cute!
oh, i follow through on EVERYTHING. If i promise good things, she gets them, if i threaten punishment, it happens. It doesnt deter her from being naughty though cause its kinda like she thinks it out and says ok, its worth it. LOL
My kids arent even 2 yet and i have to “ground” them in the crib or take away a certain toy.
If my kids decide they dont want dinner(but will eat any snacks) and as stubborn as they are, they wont open their mouths! i turn the chair to the corner of the kitchen and let them sit there until they decice they are going to eat. So after 5 minutes of whining i turn them around and try again..
I mean you cant always give a kid what they want, cause then they
will think its alwys going to be their way!
I think you just have to pick out what to give in to, and when to put your foot down.
The walking away business is a good idea. I once shut myself in a closet as my daughter tiraded; she was so shocked at the unexpectedness that she stopped her tantrum to come looking for me. As far as the socks go: I’d say walk away and let her scream it out, then take her on your lap and cuddle her and say: “Let’s go solve your problem now, together.” Then take her to her room and help her choose the socks she wants, as you praise her for calming herself and taking a hand in solving her own problem.
My daughter used to wake up from naps hysterical, and often wet. She’d wail and flail at me and usually fall back to sleep in my lap after I took off her soggy clothes and wrapped her in a blanket. Frequently this would happen ten minutes before we had to leave to pick up her brother from school, and I’d have to stuff her into the car screaming (she was screaming, not me. Although I usually felt like screaming.) One day before she went down for her nap I told her that she’d probably still be asleep when it was time to leave the house, so I was going to pick her up, wrap her in a blanket and put her in the car. I said: “you’ll open your eyes and wake up a little but I’ll put you in your car seat as quietly as I can and then you’ll fall back to sleep and finish your nap.” She agreed to try it, and when I picked her up she opened her eyes and I whispered a reminder to her about our arrangement as I carried her to the car. She nodded and fell back to sleep right away, and woke up an hour later refreshed and cheerful. We continued this routine for quite a while; clearly she felt more in control and those tantrums ceased.
I take away what ismost dear toAudrey, that’s the onlything that works. I either tell her no mickey mouse clubhouse today or I will take her castle tent away. These arethe only items that seem to get her attention. If we are out doing something fun, I tell her I will take her home to sit in the naughty corner. I have also “phoned” santa clause, and one of her friends to cancel a play date or fun activity such as a swim lesson or ballet class. You just have to be prepared to follow through, or they won’t take you seriuosly and then you’ve lost all power.
I completely feel your pain. Like Kim said, I just learn to pick my battles. One day I wanted DD to wear a pair of shoes that match her outfit, “no I want to wear the purple ones” but honey those don’t match…so on. So finally I said, fine, wear the purple ones, lets go. If it’s a serious incident I do time out. If I spank her, she laughs at me (nice huh? lol). DD is just very particular about some things and I’ve learned to accept it lol.
We are learning with Jake (he’ll be 5 in Dec) that you seriously have to pick the battles and try and anticipate the strangeness. He is sooooooooooo particular about what he wears every day. If I bring out the wrong shirt, look out! So usually I bring 2. If he is given the choice of 2 (making it more like his own decision), he usually doesn’t protest.
He also will throw a fit (my husband calls him Rainman) if things aren’t just right. For example….Ed didn’t take the lid all the way off the pudding. Mommy always does (mommy may be a bit OCD herself…I’m not sayin’) and that’s that way he must have it. I was downstairs at the time. You’d have thought he was asking him to eat the pudding off the floor rather than just asking him to eat it with a piece of the lid still attached. That is where we have to pick the battles. Take the 2 seconds and take the lid off. So NOT worth the meltdown.
I hope this is a phase because he is so very intense and has my obsessive nature combined with his daddy’s temper. Bad news!
Sorry, I have no tips for you. I was apparently the stubborn child, and my dad says he hopes my dd turns out just like me to give me a taste of my own medicine. I blame it on the red hair for me.
I completely gave in the other day. They were ganging up on me. I had to get the 5 yr old ready for kindergarten, and the 3 yr old ready for preschool, which both start at the same time. Ella (5) was pitching a fit over her hair. I pulled up the sides, because she’d been sucking on it the day before. Natalie (3) was pitching a fit over her clothes. This shirt looks funny with this skirt. Seriously???
We had to be out the door in 2 minutes, and I did not have the time/energy to dig in my heels. FINE. Hair down. FINE. Pick something else out to wear — FAST. NOW PEOPLE!! Let’s MOVE!!
I am hoping and praying this is a phase. And we are going to try and get a little more sleep.
I’m sorry to tell you that HORMONES from you and her make it a deathly combination!
Mac and I are the best of friends – yet we are ALWAYS at odds. Just wait until Charlotte gets older. I say Grace everyday and thank those who made hair color that hides the gray this kid is determined to give me!
I’m dreading the day she starts her PERIOD. OMG.
I’m starting to wonder if our kids are related. About the only thing that works for my daughter is trying to work with her individuality and independence. We always let her choose her own clothes and make as many decisions as possible. There are some things that are non-negotiable and we can usually expect a fight over those so I try and make that list as short as possible.
And yes we have fought over socks too.
Oh, lady, I feel your pain. My little babe is only 2 so nothing really works right now but when she blows up it is like a full-out explosion. Hitting and screaming and kicking. And oddly enough socks are a huge issue here too. Many a tantrum has broken out because of socks. I was sort of hoping it would wear off but I think I am in for a couple more years (at least).
I’ll be watching this post closely to see if anyone has any good suggestions.