Every child has a specific thing that works for them. Right? Please tell me yes. Because I swear, I have the worlds SWEETEST child. She takes your face in her hands and talks to you, she gives you hugs like its the most important moment there is, her smiles can light up a room………..and then THIS happens:
DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Demon Child enters. This girl is hands down, the most STUBBORN human being, other then my sister and sister in law (oh great, genetics), I have ever met. This morning, massive melt down over PURPLE socks.
I mistakenly brought PINK ones down. She wants purple. No, I’m not going upstairs to find them. ” I want the PURPLE ones”. Head goes on the couch. Whimper, Moan, Complain. You would have thought it was a stock market crash.
Is this just a 2-4 year period of Pain-In-The-Ass that I have to deal with, or is there an effective way to STOP the temper tantrums. Trust me, I dont give into them, I walk away. But the drama will continue on and on and on. I remember when she was 2, she would hold a GRUDGE against me the entire day if she got into trouble. She would literally avoid me and not talk to me and wait for her daddy to come home. Its like I have a toddler going on 15 and a half years old. Where does she get this stuff?
The only positive thing I can say is that no one is going to make her do something she doesn’t want to. In Walmart two days ago, I cant remember the incident, but she refused to walk over something. So i left her there and kept going. She crossed her arms in the humph stance. I kept walking, glancing over my shoulder. She stayed. I got about 50 feet and she wasn’t coming. Now what kid does that? She would rather I leave her, then her give in. So i sidestepped to an aisle where i could see her, figuring she would come running. Nope. She took off in the OPPOSITE direction as soon as she thought I was gone. Then i had to RUN to catch her. It wasn’t pretty when I did. Lets just say that.
Lets see…ignoring it…….check. doesnt work.
Walking away……..check, doesnt work.
spanking/corner time….check, doesnt work.
Am I destined to have a child that is wonderfully stubborn? Is this my punishment for raising an independent child?
~Trisha
I too have {2!!!} strong willed, subborn kids!! I don’t know what to tell ya…I just hope they grow up to be like my hub & I. We turned out okay…I think =) The only thing that works for more than one occasion is the earning points, stickers, etc. for a new game/toy they want.
good luck to us all!!
I’m at a loss with my 2yo. If he doesn’t get his way, he actually hits himself!?!?! and will throw whatever is closest to him. I don’t get it other than he’s pleading for attention. We do the naughty chair with him and it sorta works. He’ll stay there and then apologize when he’s done. And I do the counting thing to get him to do what I want…I usually get to 2 when he obliges. This one is just so different from my other two…I’m at a loss a lot of the time because the things that worked on my other 2, don’t on him. Ok..I’m rambling here….
Consistency works for us and our 3 year old.
All 3 of my boys are STUBBORN too so I feel your pain. They never cared if I threatened to leave either and I have had to chase them more times than I care to remember.
Oh, but you asked for suggestions.
We’ve had a lot of trial and error, and the stuff you listed didn’t work for us either. One thing I figured out was to pick your battles, otherwise you end up in way too many face-offs, many of them over things that really don’t matter. With our kids, we have found that visual reminders work best.
We used to do a star system with our twins, by drawing stars on a whiteboard under each of their names. When they did something good, they earned stars, and when they did something not-so-good, we’d erase stars. Once they had earned a certain number of stars they could get a treat.
A new thing we are trying with our 3-yr-old is a green, yellow, red chart. It has a picture of him with velcro, and as long as he’s behaving well, he stays on green. If he starts acting up, we move his picture to yellow. It’s the same thing they use at school and his teacher said it works well there so I figured it was worth a try at home. We just now started, but tonight he started throwing his fit on the kitchen floor but when he saw me go to put his picture on yellow he actually stopped. I was pretty surprised to be honest, but I think the visual helps. Nothing else has really worked thus far – trying to get him to do timeout just ends up in a wrestling match, and his meltdowns have been known to last up to 2 hrs so it was pretty amazing that he was able to calm down so quickly. The chart is small enough we could probably take it with us when we go out. I’ll let you know how it goes…
Good luck!
She’s really got that pout down good doesn’t she!
We too have an incredibly strong willed child. When it comes to bad behavior, I have found the more I react to her, the more she brings the drama. I have to keep a calm voice which is unbelievably hard for me. We have entered a sassy stage where she calls me “poopy head” and other wonderful things when she is mad. I used to tell her in a harsh voice to stop saying those things but she would only escalate the situation until she was in her room in a time out screaming her head off. I found that if I calmly say “would you like to try that again?” she surprising stops. She no longer has a battle to wage.
I highly recommend Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries. I am sooooo not a parenting book person, but this one really did help out.
Step one tie a rope around the ankles.
Step two hang them from a rafter in the garage.
Step three whoop ‘em like a pinata!
Step four drink heavily.
Just kidding!! Of course I’m kidding. If you do this in the garage the neighbors are more likely to hear you. No, really!!
I have a friend who warned me that there is such a thing as 3 year old PMS. It exists and I am more and more convinced that PMS is just starting at 3 and goes until menopause. Stick to your guns. Eventually she’ll figure out that it doesn’t work and she’ll move on to the stomping and “I Hate YOU!!” Reinforce the hinges on her door in prep for that stage. But I think repeating Step Four often will help a lot!
Loves!! If someone has tips on how to deal with boy potty training temper fits I’ll take those though. I’m about to head to the garage!!
Oh Trisha, I totally feel your pain, I too have a very stubborn,
3 1/2 year old who I swear is a mini teenager, stomping the feet all the way to the bedroom to pout, so many tantrums some days I lose count and she might spend 5 go rounds in timeout at a time. I too never give in, I am very consistent, my husband and I always check with each other before we take the chance of contradicting the other, we are diligent in recognizing the good behavior, I just don’t know what to do some days, and then the other days she is just the sweetest thing, charming as all get out and can me make laugh so hard. As far as punishment goes taking away toys seems to work, we just might not have toys left by the end of the month! Good luck! I here things might get better by the time they are 5, but I’ll believe it when I see it.