Sigh.
Day #3 and she came home with this:
I cannot tell you how hurt her feelings were.
And the worst part is she insisted she did nothing wrong.
She couldn’t articulate to me what rule she broke or what happened, which means she didn’t understand herself. Every day the teacher puts a system on a calendar that is clipped inside her take home folder. On the top of the sheet it shows a 1-10 list of things they could have done to earn negative marks.
#6 said “I didn’t make good choices at lunchtime” or something similar.
Then on her calendar there you can see that her teacher wrote “playing”.
Growing up myself, lunch was the one time of the day that you were able to chat and play and hang out with your friends. So you can imagine my confusion in being able to talk to her about it.
- Was she standing on the lunch table?
- Doing cartwheels in the aisle?
- Corralling a group of girls to play Uno?
Or was it as simple as she wanted to chat instead of eat.
And I don’t want to be this crazy parent and I truly believe Charlotte, like all 5 year olds, can break the rules. I know she can. Let me reiterate, she is FIVE. The word “NO!” is part of my everyday conversation.
It still begs the question was this lunch incident so negative that it took out her entire day of activity to a neutral face?
I can tell you that she was distraught over it. She was embarrassed and her feelings were hurt. To her, sad faces and neutral faces…quite honestly- they are negative. It feels like negative reinforcement.
She HID her face behind her hands when we wanted to talk to her about it and said “NO, NO, DON’T LOOK AT IT!”
The past two years Charlotte has been in Montessori preschool 5 days a week 8-12:30 and during the summer, also the past 2 years, summer camp 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. In all that time she has never once had a teacher send something home or talk to us about behavior. And I am positive she broke the rules and acted out on occasion, its impossible that she didn’t, but that never translated to her coming home feeling bad about herself.
In fact, Tuesday after gymnastics she started to cry at me because she was so hungry and I didn’t have any money on me to buy her a snack. We had to go straight from school to 2 hours of gymnastics training and I didn’t consider how hungry she would be. Bad mommy. As she was standing there frustrated at me and crying, two of her instructors stopped and one mouthed to me “Is that Charlotte!??!”
They were shocked because they have never seen her cry.
As you can imagine 3 days into public education I’m wondering, how strict is this lunchtime?
Are they not using warnings?
I am sure I sound like a parent on a war path. And it’s not my intention.
It’s just that I want Charlotte to LOVE learning.
I have a feeling it’s going to be a long, long school year.
~Trisha
I’m a little late to this post, and forgive me if I repeat something that someone else has already said. We had a very similar situation with public kindergarten, after 3 years of Montessori. The transition from a Montessori classroom to a public school classroom is enormous – and not just in the drastic learning-style differences. The attitudes of the teachers and their approaches to dealing with correction and discipline are almost at opposite ends of a scale.
For my son, the changes were too much. We ended up pulling him from public school and enrolling him in a private school that was a blended Montessori/traditional classroom. This year, two years later, he’s back in a public school classroom and loving it. What’s most important to me is that he never lost his love of learning. That was in serious danger in that kindergarten classroom.
I hope you and Charlotte have had much better luck with her teacher in the weeks since you originally posted this 🙂
I am becoming more and more convinced that the public school setting is severely lacking in many ways. I am hearing stories like this over and over and they reflect what my daughter (1st grade) is dealing with. Get this — my daughter has been reading since the end of her third year. I mean Dick and Jane type books. She went to a great preschool that prepared her very well for kindergarten, working on things like letters, numbers, writing her name nice and neat. Because she is tardy to school on occasion (completely not her fault — we have a 9 year old son with pretty severe special needs who sometimes has a hard time transitioning in the mornings, diaper issues, etc) and it was understood in kindy that it would be fine if she came in 1-10 minutes late. It was mostly in the 3-5 minute range. THIS year? I just learned that if she is late on Mondays, she is put in the lower reading/spelling group for that week. What?? Apparently, they take the test on Mondays at exactly 8:15 when the bell rings and not a minute later. If she is late, she is not allowed to take the test and has to study two letter words for that whole week. I went in to observe because she was having behavioral issues (not surprising) and was shocked to see how good these kids were and how much they were being disciplined for things that I wouldn’t even think twice about. Humming quietly? Tying a shoe? It seemed as if 1/3 of her time was spent trying to keep the kids in line and having them turn behavior cards instead of teaching. I know it’s not easy. She was very angry and exasperated because the school took her aide away for part of the day. She had also just had a baby a few months ago. I’m sure she would rather have been home. But it is clear that she is irritated with my child (restless, talks to herself, draws, doesn’t follow directions 100% of the time) and it gets really tiring to get notes home like, “opened the bathroom door when someone was in there” — I am getting confused. Isn’t that something she should deal with at school? I refuse to come down on her for things that minor. I do tell her that she needs to pay attention at school, don’t call out the answers unless she is called on, etc. She is on a point system at home for behaviors at school (a “blue” day gets a point, etc and 20 points is a reward), so I feel like I am backing them up appropriately.
There is just so much more…not getting to choose a cafeteria lunch when she is tardy and having to eat only the grilled (fake) cheese selection — no wonder she is coming home ravenous. I have also caught the teacher lying to me twice about stupid things, like the Monday tests being sent home (never saw anything scored under 100%)…I just don’t get it.
I have been researching this charter school in my area, and I would love for her to go there, but there is a lottery system to get in. I am seriously considering homeschooling until we can get her there. I think she would do really well, and I feel like having her in her current setting is a waste of her time and is bringing her spirits down.
must must must have lots of positive reinforcement… we now homeschool but in pre school they had a ‘behavior’ system and i can tell you that if it was anything less than 100% he’d be verklempt. He will be 10 next week and only in the last year have i been effective in doing some ‘negative’ reinforcement. (my son is on the autism spectrum..more of an Aspergerian.) But we must must must do positive ‘spotlighting’ especially when it involves successes we have had together. I think that ALL kids, even if not on the spectrum, are different.. require different levels of positive/ negative reinforcement. And at the age of 5 they need a lot of love and flexibility but clear boundaries. So sorry..i just want to give your dd a big old hug!
Sounds a little extreme to me.
Aw, poor Charlotte! I’m sorry she had a bad day!
As a teacher, I’m extremely disheartened by some of the previous comments. I hate that so many people automatically decide the teacher is not doing her job or is just being mean. Teaching is such a difficult job, partially because people blame teachers for situations before knowing the whole story. Many times we feel “d*mned if we do, and d*mned if we don’t”. It’s a hard way to live!
My son was in daycare/preschool starting at 6 weeks old, and he still had trouble adjusting to Kindergarten. I can only imagine how tough it would have been if he’d gone to a Montessori school before K. Whenever I was not sure what his misbehavior was either because he didn’t know or there wasn’t an explanation, I would just email the teacher and ask for clarification, and she was always glad to talk about it.
When I was little, I was a well-behaved only child. It was really hard for me when someone saw me as less than “perfect” and got onto me for something. I got my feelings hurt when I was reprimanded for even the littlest thing. It didn’t take very long for me to stop taking it so hard. It’ll get better for Charlotte, I promise!
(P.S. for those of you blaming the teacher or the principal or the school board for the way things are run, you should take your complaints to the state or federal government. The kids can’t play and have fun in the same ways we did in school because of mandates from the government.)
Unfortunately there are teachers/child care workers who qualify a child as being “bad” when they are only being a child. There is quite a difference. My heart just aches for her.
I would talk to the teacher and find out the rules and try and get a sense for how this teacher categorizes “bad behavior”.
Very well said! Allison, I do this at home. It helps because the other kids want to be told they’re doing the right thing. My son cleaned the kitchen without being told and did a great job. I spoke on this and came home a few days later and all the kids did the kitchen together without being told. Positive reinforcement works!
I have worked in public schools since I was in high school. I have been a teacher’s aide and a teacher. Classroom management is a big thing when it comes to teaching. As a teacher with a 1:20 ratio you have to try and come up with something that shows “you are the boss” in a respectful way. That is both scary and hard. You want to please the parents, students, and also keep your sanity and survive. I am not saying 5 year olds are hellions it’s just that you have to have a classroom run smoothly so you spent about 5% of your time with discipline and what not and 95% with learning.
Now with the kinder age, this is the age where they want and need to know rules clearly. Everything should be explained simple and to the point with no gray area. If they break a rule they will know. This is also the age where they need a schedule. I should know because when I sub for kinder they know the schedule better then their own teacher and if you stray and try to change it they will tell you. Teacher’s need to embrace their love of learning, and their sweet temperaments of being first to want to help you.
I personally like the colors, however the rules should be clearly stated as to why a card gets changed. I have found that making the rules together with your class helps and you see cards being changed less this way. If they help make the rules they will know them and they take ownership as well. If a rule starts to get broken then you reiterate the rule to the whole class.
I rarely had to have a child change their card. When I saw a rule being broken I asked the child what they did. 99% of the time they told me what they did and what they should have done instead.
I would talk to Charlotte’s teacher and see ask what the rules are. I would then explain them to Charlotte, because once she knows I doubt she will “break” them again.
Meant to add that positive reinforcement speaks volumes! If you see someone breaking a rule that someone is following you tell the one following the rule, “Thank you so and so for following rule A. I am so proud of you.” The other students will want the same positive said about them and will do what the other is doing without having to use any negative discipline.
I’m in the middle here. I have six kids and have seen many aspects of how public schools get down. I think about it in my childs, the teachers, and my own perspective. I explain to my young one that the teacher has 20+ students to deal and expects the best out of each student. I explain that I want my child to always respect the school rules and I make sure they take ownership but if they didnt know the rules then I just explain the rules. Something simple like this I just simply say that and call it a day. I then would email or call the teacher, get the whole story and let her know I’m here to help and to let me know if it’s kids being kids or if she needs more from me as the parent. I let her know I’m my childs and her, the teachers, advocate and here to help. If more problems persist I sit in with the class. If I feel its a case of a stressed out teacher I offer to help the teacher and explain to my child other ways they can stay out of the teachers radar. I reiterate to always follow school rules but only punish at home if I feel my child is doing too much as children sometimes do.
Charlotte seems to be a sweet girl and very smart. I hate that her bad day threw her off. Its a learning process for her. Reminding her tomorrow is another day and you trust she will learn the school rules and will do well will probably help her along the way just fine. Reminding her you know she will do well and letting her know that you trust that she will do great is probably enough. If these notices came home every week or more then once a month Id be concerned and look into punishment at home but I doubt Charlotte will put you through such turmoil. What a transition it is huh? Lol
I would be heading to school for a lunch date with Miss Charlotte to observe, NOT her, but the environment, how the teachers treat other kids. Note, they will be different w/you there but you will get a sense.
I can sense how distraught you are and Charlotte, it breaks my heart. Talk to the teacher, get the whole story. Proactive-ness needs to happen! Nip it in the bud!
Hugs Trisha! Sarah
What is happening today in schools? Kids need to be kids .We need to allow the kids to talk during lunch,they are smart enough to know when in class they aren’t. We shouldn’t be raising Stepford kids ,drugged up robots because I have yet to see or find the perfect child!
I hope it that when you speak to the teacher ,ask her to refrain from frowns,just tell her there is enough of unhappy people in the world . I hope your little one’s days get better
Poor Charlotte 🙁 If she received something lower than a “10” I definitely think that there should be a note explaining what was done so you could work with her over it.
So sorry y’all are going through this. School should be a fun learning experience for all children–it breaks my heart that she is going through this 🙁
Oh–this reminds me of a blog I read. Her little girl was in K last year and she eventually had to make her daughter change teachers. Her K teacher was just that horrible to her little girl–it made my blood boil reading what this little 5 year old had to go through 🙁
Keep us posted, sweetie, and sending you both some hugs!
Poor Charlotte 🙁 I know that was how Owen got when he was in Pre-K. He got in trouble like 2x that I know of and had to sit on the ‘naughty couch’ and he said it was because he mouthed off to his teacher when she said something. It didn’t really shock me lol cause he’s mouthy at home but if there was something that I didn’t understand then I wrote her a note in his back and forth folder or stopped her on the way into school and talked to her. I would say you were curious to what happened and just see what she has to say.
I wouldn’t read more into it yet. If you have questions about the neutral face for playing/e.g. lunchtime, then call and talk to the teacher. Have her explain it further for you. Then you can go forward with that information in whether you need to talk about it to your daughter again, or let it drop.
my kids are too little for me to have anything of substance to add but this post is fabulous and so are the comments. the friggen sad face is way harsh. hope baby girl is feeling better
Kindergarten is a HUGE adjustment. My son had some issues adjusting last year when he began Kindergarten. It gets better. It’s a big adjustment. Give her some time to learn the new rules and routines. My advice would be if you have any questions call the teacher, email her etc. Ask her how you can help Charlotte do better in the areas where she is having problems. Ask her to fully explain why she’s getting sad faces.
Poor girl. I hope things get better. People should be required to give more than a face and the word “playing”. She’s 5. 5 yr. olds play. It happens. The poor child is going to think that it isn’t OK to be herself!! I get that they want the rules to be the same for everyone and that they are trying to give children a basis on which the rest of their school days will be. She’s 3 days into school though…I hope things get better soon and you find a solution to whatever mis-communication is going on.
We’ve had issues the past two years that my daughter has been in school. Things that used to never be an issue are all of a sudden warrants for school arrest and punishment. My daughter got a note sent home stating that she stole something from another student. When I asked my daughter and the child that she supposedly ‘stole’ from they both told me that she (the other little girl) had an extra snack from her birthday snack that she brought to school that day for everyone and gave it to my daughter since they were BFFs. And that’s stealing how??? And the kicker was that the little girl waited until school was over and they were standing in line to leave the classroom. This teacher was just a witch! And don’t even get me started on last year.
I’ve already decided that if she has another bad year this year with a tenure teacher thinking she owns the school and thinks that breaking a child’s self esteem is ok, then we are moving schools even if it’s the middle of the year.
I’ve already enrolled both of my other children in a different school because I don’t want to deal with the principal or the teachers that honestly just need to retire.
If Charolette doesn’t even know what she did wrong then that teacher needs to know and understand that when children are her age they need warnings before punishments start and when they DO get in trouble it’s best to explain to them why in a calm voice before they start getting all nasty. If not then what does the child learn? Humility? Embarrassment? How to tear others down? How to make others feel embarrassed? That’s definitely NOT what I want my child ‘learning’ at school!!
Teach my child math, reading, manners (when I’m not there) and how to treat others. DON’T embarrass and tear down my child! Oh I could go on and on but I’ll stop here. I hope Charolette feels better! 🙁
((HUGS)) For Charlotte. I agree on asking the teacher. It may be something small that they are just trying to correct the first week of school. I know Isabella who is in 1st this year had a VERY hard 1st week of school with getting into a schedule, waking up, and lunch/snack times. Give her a couple of weeks and she will be fine. She’ll come home talking about how much fun she had at school.
Kas
Oh yeah, the new public schools BLOW. All these rules..not letting kids be KIDS. Ro gets 10 mins for her “snack” and 10 mins of recess.
TEN MINUTES. That is so wrong. NAd her teacher will be doing the whole “good guys” and “sad sams” deal. I am sure, with my daughter’s penchant for getting easily bored if she is not being challenged intellectually or creatively, she will get more sad sams than good guys. Yesterday was the first day and she already got talked to about getting up to get something to drink from her lunch box before it was time.
I think they are too rigid. I also think you need to talk to her teacher and see what is going on. I tried to explain to Ro’s new teacher about how to handle her, but she acted like I had tree heads. This is going to be an interesting year and I am CERTAIN that the teacher, school principal & school board will be deathly afraid of me by Christmas. And they will likely have reason to be if they mess with my kid.
Trisha, go find out what happened. YOU know your child better than some damn teacher who has known her for 3 whole days. Is there any way you can put her back in Montessorri? That is my goal for Ro…no more public school!
yes, but its $300 a month and since she just made her gymnastics team, that is costing me about that. I just cant afford private school and team events. $600 a month in activities is a lot..even for an only child.
That sucks. Well, I wish you good luck talking to her teacher and trying to straighten this all out.
Forgot…we just had our welcome meeting and they told us how we should make lunches with things that are easy to eat for the kids, since they will want to use lunch to play as well. They said they encourage that, so don’t send things that need to be microwaved since there’s always a line for it. Do easy to eat things “so that they can eat, then get our with friends and play”
I hope that’s how it really is. I mean the kids do need to know that eating time is eating time but it’s also more than that, is social time, and being social is part of learning in school too.
Go get em Trisha!
Oh and I know gymnastics is way important but I’d put $ first into school then into gymnastics.
$300 a month for gymnastics?! That scares me a little. I hope my girls like the dance place we picked out–it is somewhat affordable, maxing out around $150 a month per child for unlimited classes if they really get into it when they’re older.
We definitely can’t afford Montessori, either. We would’ve considered it, but it’s crazy expensive! I’m staying home with the kids and so far there are three to look forward to schooling, so yeah. That would be like paying a second mortgage. We’re planning to homeschool instead.
We have a stupid color system in our public schools here. I hate it. I use to make the teacher write exactly what my son was doing in school. There were times when they could not pinpoint an exact action, but insisted he was involved in a group of children who were talking. LAME!
I’m a laid-back mom. Nothing phases me. I do not tolerate bullying, fighting, or anything destructive though. If my son ever participates in something like that, then I would definitely understand some form of discipline.
However, talking at the wrong moment, giggling, being out of your sit, or any other nonsense like that barely receives attention from me. I usually tell my son that it is important to follow the rules, but there is no “time-out” for it.
Lunch time is so strict at their school. The lunch monitor tells them repeatedly to stop talking. I found this out when I made a surprise visit to the school. I was furious and I voiced my concerns. I mean, what’s the big deal? How else can children trade their mushy sandwiches for extra chips or fruit snacks if they can’t talk. And besides, they have to say “thank-you” and “please” to each other after the trade.
I feel so bad for Charlotte. The good kids always get hurt. I hope she understands it’s not the end of the world. In fact, it’s just the beginning.
I would contact the teacher and ask her what happened so you can discuss it with her. I am sad for her that she got so upset. That should not be!!
This happened last year to Shaun in first grade. The teacher had a board at the fromt of the class and if they did something wrong they needed to move their card and it was noted on a calendar that they brought home each night. In the beginning of the school yr she gave the kids a warning but after a few weeks no more warnings. In the beginning Shaun was moving his card daily. It got so bad we needed to have a conference with the teacher because in Kindergarten Shaun NEVER got in trouble. After a month or so Shaun got tasks he helped the teacher with that help him and he stopped moving his card.
This is just a transition for Charlotte. Never kids and new teacher. I am sure in a few weeks she will be in a routine but I do agree isn’t lunch other then play time/gym the only time kids can relax and be kids. I hope everything works out. Good Luck!
I hate that they made Charlotte feel bad. The teachers at our school reinforce the good choices/bad choices and if the kids have a “bad” day they always tell them, that’s OK tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow we start over. And teach them to learn from their mistakes on one. It’s quite possible that her “playing” may have been done in line. I know here my kids get antsy waiting in line and get reprimanded for it.
When I was in elementary school (I’m 30) we weren’t allowed to visit at lunch – that was what recess was for and free time in pe I guess.
I mentioned on facebook but we really did go through a similar ordeal (not at lunch, but Cameron not feeling she had really done anything) early on in her schooling, and I really recommend that you just go in and have a chat with the teacher to find out what Charlotte did. Not really to talk about negative or positive enforcements (yet), but if Charlotte doesn’t really know what the teacher felt she did, how can she not do it again? How do you avoid another day when that baby is upset and doesn’t understand? And letters, emails, etc really aren’t the same. I would go talk to her in person.
Aw, poor Charlotte! I still remember getting in trouble a few times at school and remember feeling horrible about it.
I think the neutral face for the WHOLE day is what bugs me the most about this. The teacher should put a whole bunch of smiley faces for all the stuff she did right throughout the day, then ONE neutral face for lunchtime wouldn’t be such a big deal. (And really, I thought lunchtime was like a break where you could play a little and have some fun anyway.)
Lunchtime is pretty strict here too. Also, we (I taught pre-k & k at different times) had aides who had to deal with every class during lunch, so the actual class teacher wasn’t there during “lunch altercations”. I would politely inquire as to what the offense was because Charlotte was confused and very upset. Let the teacher know that neither you or Charlotte are blowing it off or unaffected. The teacher may be able to help you. Honestly, it may be the kind of situation where you end up telling Charlotte not to worry about it if her face gets changed because of lunch time. I’ve had that conversation with parents before. “I have to change it because another adult in the building felt it was necessary, but what you do with the info at home is to your discretion.” Sounds like the “lunch ladies” are trying to let the kids know they mean business. I may get blasted here, but there are big, big differences between the public school setting and Montessori schools. A lot of kids struggle while making the transition…I’ve seen it. I know Montessori is much more student initiated, learn at your own pace…and many public school classrooms are not that way. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening with Charlotte, but I’ve seen lots of kids frustrated by not being able to freely get up and move around and do whatever they are interested whenever they want like they were able to do in their previous Montessori classes. Some classrooms are like that, but many are not. I hope you can get some answers to help Charlotte. The last thing you want is for her to not enjoy school. Hopefully with some patience and communication with the teacher you can get on the right track:)
Sorry she had a “bad” mark. I email the teachers to let the, know if my child is sensitive. Just yesterday I told John’s teacher that he enjoys being teacher’s pet and that he is much better with POSITIVE reinforcement. He came home and his attitude was totally different, I think she listened to me 🙂
That stupid face and ridiculous number system makes me so mad, and Charlotte’s not even my child! I don’t think you’re being a crazy bitch at all. I’m not an expert, but from what I’ve seen, Montessori schools have a higher respect for a child’s natural tendencies–such as talking and playing. I was extremely sensitive as a child (and still sort of am) so incidents like that hurt my feelings, too. I still remember almost every one of them and eventually I learned to sit down and shut up like they wanted–which, it turns out, did not end up serving me well! Anyway, I just don’t think it’s right to make a child feel so BAD when probably she never knowingly broke any rules. I’d go talk to them so I could at least have peace of mind understanding what she supposedly did and what’s expected of her. I wouldn’t be too surprised if they’d already forgotten, though. They must give out a lot of these if they can’t even be bothered to write what happened, and have to put down a number instead.
I wouldn’t worry about coming off as a parent on a war path. I know some people probably think I am a freaky overprotective (future) homeschooler, but that’s fine. We do what is best for our children and protect them from threats, whether physical or emotional. That’s our job. Also, my mom is a retired kindergarten teacher and she preferred a parent who talked her ear off on the phone once a week to one who just didn’t care about her kid’s progress. Charlotte is lucky to have a mom like you.
When Morgan was in public school I went up and had lunch with her and her class. It was CRAZY quiet…nothing like I had remembered as a child. After each kid finished eating they put their heads down. They were not allowed to use this as a social time….
People say they don’t homeschool because they worry about socialization….I say, where is the socialization in public school?
They are LITTLE KIDS…they need to play and chat and make messes.. Ugh this pisses me off! I feel bad for Charlotte. Oh, there was one time Morgan got in trouble for opening a chip bag too loudly at lunch…wth?
Exactly! After having a public school education myself, I plan to homeschool and I get that stupid socialization argument all the time. It would be funny if a parent went into the school’s office and said “I’d like to withdraw my child. She’s going to be homeschooled, because I’m afraid she won’t get enough socialization here at public school.” I mean really! They ought to be allowed to talk!
Jenny, that’s funny! Yes, my girls get tons of socialization! They get to do a lot! We have a ton of fun!
Oh gosh, Lunch was always the place to hang and chat when I was a kid. Things have changed a lot. I’m clueless on things that pertain to any school now since we homeschool but I sure hope that you find out what the issue is.
Big hugs to Charlotte. I think that they should do more than a number and drawing a face if something could possibly be wrong. I would definitely try and talk to the teacher and find out what is going on.
This is a new situation for both you and Charlotte. The teacher should not have a problem with you coming in and asking what it means. It is just something you are trying to understand.
God love her. It’s hard to tell though without getting info from the teacher I would say, because kids that young, do have some trouble articulating things. Even with that being said the face doesn’t seem right. I think it is also hard because different teachers have different rules I guess and how they run a classroom. Id say have a meeting (and I so dread my boys going to school ), then it may bring a little more clarity.
You’d be surprised at how different public schools have gotten since we were kids. Lunchtime is pretty strict here too, there’s no excessive talking, no playing, it’s just eat and get it done quickly. There’s no talking in hallways, no tag on the playground, no snowballs, no playing IN the snow, no this, no that. It’s insanity.
And much like the letter you got, they have the same system here where they put a check mark next to a general issue, no explanation of what the actual problem was. The only thing that really bothers me is the “neutral face” … that’s really negative and the teacher needs to rethink her system. Here they have colored signs with clothespins the kids use. Red, orange, yellow, green.
thats just horrible cat. School is supposed to also be FUN. You cannot learn just by putting your head down and your nose to the books. I didnt love school because I am a learn by doing kind of person, but I cant imagine any teacher having stifled me during that process of school. Sure, i got in trouble for talking too much…in CLASS. Never in lunch.
Same here with the clothspins and no talking before and during school. Also, no talking at lunch and only a 20 minute recess to get all your energy out. It REALLY sucks. This new system is setting these children up to fail. All kids have energy, so lets do something creative with that.
Instead, it’s sit down, shut up and listen to me.
I know my 8 year old is a handful for sure, but she’s gotten written up for the silliest things.
The only thing you can really do is ask the teacher what they mean by their comment on her calendar. To me, putting something like that on a calendar means absolutely nothing and is, honestly, stupid. You don’t teach kids by writing something on a calendar. You talk to them, you explain to them, what is going on. What they are doing is wrong and why. If a child comes home from school with a “stupid” mark like that and they don’t know what it means, other than they weren’t a 100% complete angel – what kid is? – then something is wrong with the way the teacher is handling the situations. It’s like they don’t want to do their job. The main focus of a teacher is 1 thing – TEACH nothing else. If they can’t “teach” a child why they got a mark down for the day, then they are not doing their job!
If it were me, I’d go into the school and talk to the teacher. I’d politely say, “I don’t mean to be rude, but what the hell does this mean?” I’d also add that, “If my child does not understand it and I do not understand it, then you are not doing your job and teaching. My child should be coming home and know exactly what they did wrong and why it was wrong!”
I have worked in schools where some teachers have demanded a “silent lunch” for their classes. I have also seen some teachers flip out because a child eats their dessert first. No talking, etc. I remember lunch being a fun time to eat and talk with my classmates when I was growing up. Of course they need to make sure they don’t talk so much they forget to eat, but I seriously doubt Charlotte was doing that.
I hope it will get better for her. It’s tough enough being 5 years old without feeling like every move you make is under scrutinty.
You know, the more I think about this, the more of a problem it is. My son got red, yellow or green on his calendar in Kindergarten, and I’m positive that it wasn’t 1 strike and you are out. I’m pretty sure they’d say ask the kids to quiet down, then say “if you are still talking in 1 minute you will get a yellow light today” something like that. And the colors have a way different effect on a child than a face. The face is just mean.
And I would think that lunch would be a time for them to play…release some energy so they can go back to focusing.
All I can say is that you should calmly and politely ask the teacher what is going on. For Charlotte’s sake, it’s better for you to come off as a little like the over-protective parent than leave her confused and hurt.