Dear Phoenyx,
Nearly 6 years ago I got the surprise of my life.
Finding out I was pregnant with you, especially after I was very settled on being a mother of one, was shocking. I had just moved into the most comfortable part of my life. My business was flourishing and your sister was 6 and a half, an age I found full of peace and ease. Knowing that 10 months from that moment my life would change, well, it was terrifying. When you were born and the days were long, I would tell myself “In five more years, I will have my freedom back.“
It became my mantra.
When the nights were long and you woke up every hour while my work was left undone and the chores were piling up, I would keep myself sane by reminding myself “In five more years, I will have my freedom back.“
When I missed a contract, or a phone call, or had to clean up another mess, I would say “In five more years, I will have my freedom back.”
When you learned to sit up and would grab everything in sight…
“In 5 more years, I will have my freedom back.”
When you learned to walk and it was a nightmare keeping you from grabbing everything off the table…
“In 4 more years, I will have my freedom back.”
When Potty training came and I spent more time cleaning up the floor than humanly possible…
“In 3 more years, I will have my freedom back.”
When the terrible threes came and along with it the tantrums- and boy you were a pro at them…
“In 2 more years, I will have my freedom back.”
When you turned four and now fought with me to stay up one more minute past bedtime, or stalled for a drink of water…
“In only 1 more year, I will have my freedom back.”
And now.
Now you are 5.
Now you are off to school.
Gone are the days of learning to walk, gone are the days of teaching you to speak, gone are the days of learning to ride a bike. Gone are the midnight feedings and the walks in a stroller.
I have my freedom back.
And it’s lonely.
Good luck my Phoenyx.
Enjoy your freedom.
I just had to go into the bathroom at work and have an ugly-cry after reading this. My only goes to college in 6 days, and then I’ll have ALL of my freedom back- and it’s going to be so unsettling and lonely. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my freedom.
Oh wow, I can’t even THINK about college. You have it worse than I do. Hands off to you, college mama.
Oh how this post brought tears to my eyes and goosebumps to my body. I know this feeling all too well, lived it two times after having my daughter and being content having one child. Good luck at school P, you will rock it! Hang in there Mama, these will be some great years too full of new memories to make!
Omg he is and was so adorable. Chunky like Landon, and he has grown into a handsome young boy. I hate that our kids have to get older. It’s much more fun when they are small for us and them.
Watching Phoenyx grow up has been a joy. Charlotte too. I too am counting down the days until I freedom back…only 4 more years. But I will be lonely and I don’t look forward to that. Good luck to P and C this year in school!!!
All the feels. Sigh. Being a mommy is tough and you are a great one!
my mamma always said ‘ be careful what you wish for’ . The days do fly by and our littles grow so fast. I turned around one day and my little was having littles of his own. And now today he’s almost 40. Time does fly. I miss those days of littles more than I can tell you.