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Dear Phoenyx,

Dear Phoenyx,

It is absolutely OK to cry. You do not have to “man up” or “be a man”. It is OK to  express those. In fact, often times you feel so much better and its easier to deal with a situation with a clear head.

If you need to cry, cry.


I will not always be the most important woman in your life and that is OK. Right now I do everything for you. I take care of all your  basic physical and emotional needs. I kiss you, I tuck you in, I change your diaper, I feed you.

I am the most important person in your life.

In the future, you will meet another woman and she will take over my role. She will be the most important person in your life.

It is my responsibility to teach you to care for her as I care for you.


Get to know your grandparents. I understand that they grew up in a different time than you are, but your father and I’s parents are knowledgeable and you can learn from them. There will be a time that you do not want to hang out with them, but do it anyway.  Your grandparents have worked hard their entire lives, you can learn invaluable business, life, and personal growth by being in their shadow.

 Remember, they will not always be there.


Learn to cook. Please, please learn to cook. You should not ever have to depend on someone else to cook, clean, or sew something for you. There will be a time in your life where it’s just you and you will need to rely only on yourself. I will feel like a failure if you walk in the door and ask me to do your laundry because you couldn’t. These are basic skills that will make you so much more desirable as a spouse. Cooking, cleaning, and caring for kids are not a “woman’s job”. More importantly, these are basic skills that you need to know.


Always give if you have it.

Many people look at homeless or less fortunate and refuse to give because “they will just spend the money on alcohol”. This is a very ignorant statement. Your choice to give and what someone chooses to do with that gift are not related to each other. Your gift is not lessened if someone were to abuse it. That being said, most people on the street do not take advantage and are grateful for any compassion you may show.  There will always be an opportunity for you to get more, earn more, and learn more, so when someone needs something, and you have it to give, pass it on.


Be kind to animals.

There is never a reason to hit or harm an animal, short of a threat to your life. Treat every living thing around you with respect. It shows good character and its the right thing to do.


Choose yes over no. There will be tons of things in your life that you will want to say No to. Your sister wanting to have dinner with you, your spouse wanting to go to the ballet, your kids wanting to run to the beach. You will be too tired, too busy, or have something else that must “need” to get done. Every no you say is a moment you have missed. There will always be another time to work. Experience life.


Have integrity. There will be lots of availability in life to cheat the system, to be unkind, to steal, or to lie. No matter who is pressuring you, find your path and go forward. Sometimes the destination takes longer when you do the right thing, but the road is so much better.


Most of all, my Phoenyx, understand that whatever you go through in your life, your father and I will be here for you. You will make so many mistakes. Hoards of mistakes.  Remember not to judge yourself on your mistakes, but rather how you handle them.

Only you can decide who you will be.

And whoever that is, I will be proud.


19 thoughts on “Dear Phoenyx,”

  1. Every mother of boys should read this and make a mental note. Mother, you are important in your son’s life, but when he chooses a spouse, she will be the most important woman he knows Remember that. If you want to feel that from your own husband, then you will have to let your son’s wife have it too.

  2. Such a beautiful and touching letter/post.
    You brought tears to my eyes as I hoped that I taught my boys each of these things.
    I know that Phoenyx will grow up to be this exact kind of man because you are a wonderful mother. It can be seen by the kind of young woman Charlotte is becomming.
    Thank you for writing this gorgeous post.

  3. Tisha I loved this and yes I cried. I have to say you’re an amazing mother Trisha and I didn’t want to get all sappy in your comments lol but I just adore hearing about your family (in a non creeper way lol) and seeing your family involved with the kids just because I don’t have that with Owen and it hurts my heart for him, though I know they are the ones missing out. I agree this should go in his baby book and I know he’ll enjoy it so much when he gets old … also I think he’ll love to look back on it when he’s older and maybe away from home.

  4. Beautiful! And so eloquently written.. Please write this (handwritten) and place it in his baby book (they do still have those don’t they?) One day, when he’s old enough to marry and you give him his book, he can read this and smile.. Meanwhile.. I know you’ll teach him well, as you do Charlotte.. <3

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