I’m having a hard time becoming happy. I should be super happy, thrilled…I mean its a baby, right? Babies are love and joy and …oh, who am I kidding.
Babies are work and stress and diapers and another 6 years to get to the point I am now where I have peace in the daytime and my evenings off.
It sounds selfish, doesn’t it? That’s cause it is.
I am worried that I won’t love this child like I love the one I have already, that after spending years and years in acceptance of being a parent to one, that my life is so altered.
The truth is I don’t do anything. I work from home, I cook, I clean, and run this website, I surf the Internet and talk on facebook. There really is no rhyme or reason for me not to raise another child or have more children.
I don’t want to get fat.
I hate gaining weight. It took me years to lose the pounds I gained with Charlotte and it was stressful. Now I am much older than I was then and what if it doesn’t go away? What if my husband isn’t attracted to me anymore?
And labor, don’t get me started about labor. My questions are about the same as they were before. I feel like its all brand new.
And I feel guilty that I feel this way, that I should be really really excited and I am doing more to ignore that I am pregnant than anything else.
Am I alone?