I’m having a hard time becoming happy. I should be super happy, thrilled…I mean its a baby, right? Babies are love and joy and …oh, who am I kidding.
Babies are work and stress and diapers and another 6 years to get to the point I am now where I have peace in the daytime and my evenings off.
It sounds selfish, doesn’t it? That’s cause it is.
I am worried that I won’t love this child like I love the one I have already, that after spending years and years in acceptance of being a parent to one, that my life is so altered.
The truth is I don’t do anything. I work from home, I cook, I clean, and run this website, I surf the Internet and talk on facebook. There really is no rhyme or reason for me not to raise another child or have more children.
I don’t want to get fat.
I hate gaining weight. It took me years to lose the pounds I gained with Charlotte and it was stressful. Now I am much older than I was then and what if it doesn’t go away? What if my husband isn’t attracted to me anymore?
And labor, don’t get me started about labor. My questions are about the same as they were before. I feel like its all brand new.
And I feel guilty that I feel this way, that I should be really really excited and I am doing more to ignore that I am pregnant than anything else.
Am I alone?
Hi.. I found out I was pregnant last month and I was in a state of shock. And to be honest last April of 2014 I became pregnant and decided not to keep the baby. Here I al again les than a year later pregnant and I don’t feel any different. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me.. But I’m not happy. All my dreams and hopes are out the window I won’t be living just for me I’ll be living for another person. Surely I sound selfish but.. My childhood was not easy unfortunately I was in and out of foster care due to my parents abuse of drugs. Psychologically that put a lot of stress into my life changed me as a person. I wanted to change for the better. Go to college .. Have a brilliant career. I feel like I’m still a little girl. I’m 20 years old now still trying to accomplish those things. I’m not financially stable.. I’m not married the guy I’m with isn’t ready for this in my eyes. I don’t want to bring a beautiful soul into this world knowing I can’t provide the things I want to. Am I wrong for feeling this way. I feel so much pressure to keep the baby but what about me.
I just found out I’m pregnant and I’m not excited at all. For many years I thought “I don’t want kids”. Then I thought “I do want kids”. But now that I’m pregnant, I feel like I did for so many many many years. That I don’t want kids. Abortion or Adoption are not an option. But I’m dreading the loss of my freedom. I’m in my 30’s, so it’s not the same as losing freedom at 21. But in some ways it feels worse. I wish I would have had a baby at that age and never known glorious free time and never having to be on someone else’s schedule 24/7. I know that’s selfish, but I’m set in my free, sleep in on Saturday, eat a frozen dinner and watch tv after work, go out of town when/where I want for very cheap and super easy ways. If you want to bash me, save it, I don’t care if someone thinks I’m awful. I’m just being honest with the writer who seems to understand not being excited about being pregnant. I also don’t want to gain a bunch of wait and get ugly in every way imaginable. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I’m totally dreading all the responsibility of motherhood. Practically every mother I know COMPLAINS ALL THE TIME about how HARD AND DEMANDING AND TAXING motherhood is. They never go on and on about the “joys” of motherhood. They make it sound downright dreadful! Like a prison sentence where you are an servant to someone who sucks all your energy, money, freedom, and self-respect by being disrespectful and misbehaved. I mean if every woman around you paints motherhood in this way, who in their right mind would want to sign up for that??? I don’t know what I was thinking when I was temporarily insane enough to think I actually wanted to become a mom. Now there is no way out and no one to talk to in real life who won’t think I’m Satan himself if I admit how I really feel. 🙁
Mary- thanks for stopping by. I am the writer and yes, I felt that…every inch of it. Even worse, during my pregnancy my spouse and I separated and while he stayed involved (and we worked it out) it was extra lonely. Now 3 years later, I wont lie to you and say I dont have moments of “dang, I wish I had some TIME” but yesterday my son (the one I was pregnant with on this post) went to his first day of preschool. I had my first 4 hours of uninterrupted by pee, crying, whining, complaining, someone getting hurt and I want to say…it was lonely. Because after all of my feelings, which were real, over the time I found that a part of my heart was reborn when my son came along, a part I didnt know I had in me.
There were lonely moments, desperate moments, hard to take moments but they were intermittent w/ the ones that have been filled with love and devotion. I never would have said that pregnant. I truly was where you are. Feel free to email me anytime to chat.
Trisha
PS I didnt turn ugly…just a little more circles under my eyes. I lost almost all my weight but kept 10 pounds- I had a C section and somewhere along the line I had to forgive myself and my body for not being perfect anymore.
Hi Trisha,
Thanks for replying, I just re found my post as I wanted to give an update. I am now totally excited about having a baby!! 🙂 I was in major emotional freak out stage for several weeks after I found out. But I have since been to the doctor, had an ultrasound, and have a due date. Time has given me a chance to come to terms with such a radical life change and I’m ready to embrace it, even though I’m pretty sure this is the hardest thing I’ll ever do (mother). …Anyhow, thank you again for your encouraging reply, I just felt the need to do an update for any other mamas to be who may have felt like I did when I first found out I was expecting, give it some time, the joy may come even if you don’t expect it to now! 🙂
Mary,
Thank you so much for coming back for an update. I think it helps others read that it really is gonna be ok. I hope that you return and let me know how your little one is doing. There will be SO many more changes that you go through between pregnancy and due date, having a new born to a toddler to a kid off to school! Its wonderful how your attitude has been uplifted!
Trisha
Mary, thank you so much for your post. I could have written it myself. I know what you mean saying that you feel like there is no one to talk to in real life. My two closest friends both had really hard times getting pregnant and had to go the ivf route so i feel like a complete jerk whining about how Ifeel. I also completely agree about listening to other moms, they make the whole experience sound horrible but then judge you if you admit that you’re not sure you’re happy about being pregnant. Who would want to live the life they describe? Are they just complaining to make themselves sound important and get attention or is it really that bad? I’m finally starting to have some days here and there where I can feel somewhat excited but mostly I am terrified after hearing their stories. I’m so scared that I will absolutely despise being a mother. Can anyone else reassure me that I haven’t just ruined my entire life or explain why they describe having a child as one life sucking, miserable experience after another?
Ruth, I had to LOL at the last line because there will be moments that you feel like that. I have just told my 3 year old for the last 10 minutes to STOP knocking his sisters block tower down and atleast 45 times between 6pm and 9pm my husband and I ask each other if its bedtime yet.
That being said- being a parent is 100% the most rewarding experience you will ever have and gives your life so much true meaning. I cant explain it. Its a feeling, its something you go through, its not something I can tell you and have you understand but you will have far more amazing memories vs bad days. If you ever need to chat, email me [email protected]
Thanks, Trisha! Hopefully there will be far more good times than bad and I’ll do my best to look for the positive and try to tune out the moms who choose to do nothing but complain. I winner if they have any idea how much they really scare first time moms. There is nothing more unsettling than being pregnant with the baby coming ready or not and being guaranteed that you will only get one shower a week, never sleep, despise your husband even though he’s trying to help because he just doesn’t GET it, and will likely not have sex or even 20 seconds together again for approximately two or three more years. I love my husband, I certainly don’t want to feel that way about him! However, you feel like you have no choice but to take their word for it, they’ve gone through it and you haven’t. Ok, enough harping on the negative things I’ve heard! Thanks for pointing out some positive aspects!
Are you kidding me? I cant live without my husband. He is the best father, spouse, helper ever. I could not raise these kids half as well without him. It sounds like your friends need to buck up and stop complaining. Kids are not hard- LIFE is hard. You have to make a choice to be positive. I choose to love my moments- yes there are some tough ones. Some challenging ones. But overall, very rewarding and you have to realize this is your husbands journey to. Not just yours- It sounds like your friends havent realized that. 🙂
You will be fine. I can guarantee it. Not just fine, but amazing.
These (very few) blogs about not being excited about having a baby, or not enjoying pregnancy have been a breath of fresh air. I feel very alone in my depression of having a baby. And I SHOULD be excited, which makes me feel even guiltier. I’m age 30, I have a very loving (excited) husband, financially we’re comfortable. All I can think about is the loss of my freedom.. my time.. the things I like to do. In addition I have body dysmorphia and feel like I could absolutely not be any uglier right now. I hate how I look in the mirror (prego selfies? No way!), I hate how my clothes fit, I hate that I cant workout 2-hours per day like I used to (morning/all-day sickness, abdominal pain, fatigue). I feel like all I do is complain (in my head of course) – can’t say it aloud.. the few times I have been “honest” about how I feel, I get looks from women as if I’m The Devil for not basking in every moment. Thanks for the rant. Even that feels better.
Hi Bethany,
I just read your response and I felt like it was something I wrote myself. I just found out I’m pregnant. I have a wonderful boyfriend who asked me to marry him and he is very excited about this. I’m in the last year of a PhD program and just starting to write my dissertation. If all goes according to plan, I will have the baby and defend the dissertation around same time. How the F am I supposed to do this all and work 32 hours per week? I have told no one about the pregnancy. I feel so anxious. I will not abort, I can’t do it. I’m almost 39…what if this is my only chance? Like you, I’m terrified of getting fat and ugly and feel so selfish thinking that. And I’m scared about the loss of freedom. I don’t think I could tell anyone how terrified I am. It feels better writing it. I hope you are doing well. Maybe it gets easier with time?
I’m a mom to a 23 month old amazing son. Life is awesome with him and my hubby. Hubby wanted to have another baby and I’ve been adamant since birth of our son that we’re “one and done”. I couldn’t imagine loving another child like I love our son. He’s so fun and I just want to keep him to myself. Ha! My husband convinced me it would be good for our son to have a sibling; a life long friend and companion to grow up with and have when we’re not around. I agreed and we conceived pretty fast. Now I’m 7 weeks pregnant and I totally regret my decision. I’m feeling miserable and wish I could go back and change my decision. I do think it would be great for our son to have a sibling and my hubby is super happy. At the same time I’m not happy right now. People ask me if I’m excited and I have a tough time lying to them. I know this feeling will go away; at least I assume it will.
Tiffany, you sound word for word like I did…as you can see int his article. This article however is 3 years old and now I have a 3 year old son and my little baby girl is now 9…and they are great friends. Watching her blossom into a caring sister has been such a joy. I won’t say my fears were gone the moment I gave birth…but months after I was in love, in LOVE with my son and its been really awesome watching the sibling bond. I know it means nothing now, I was a miserable mom for 10 full months- but now- it’s perfect. It really is. Feel free to email me anytime.
After i read all about your feelings during pregnancy i can tell im not alone. Today after sunday worship in church and came home i ask my husband to drop and bought pregnancy test in drugs store. And came home and get pee and was so surprised with husband looking and wAiting the result and he is laughing and happy with the possitive result and congts me But i was shocked and not ready for my 3rd child because living here in japan and just foreigner here its hArd for me. My first child was unexpected too but when she came everything is change after 1 year my son came and now they are 5 and 4 and having next child is feel not happy for me:(.i just read all moms here they’ll fine cuz if normal reaction or hormones. Its 1 week today i ask my husband what he want.but he depends my feelings but he always be a good father he said and im thinking too much right now…i don’t feel to love my husband just happen 1 time after long 1 year and half for having not to sex with him because were both buzy and my time for kids nd work in a night.what can i do!? So stressful to think after 4 years to get back and taking care and do stuff again that really scare for me now:(((
I feel exactly the same. We have a daughter who will be 11 this year. We tried since she was two to have another. I had weight loss surgery thinking it would help with my fertility and it didn’t. We started clomid and nothing. My husband is in the Army and in January we got stationed in Germany. We made a decision to stop trying. I was 100% happy with that choice. Our daughter is so sweet and so amazing. Perfect age to travel Europe and make life long memories. I hate this country. There isn’t anywhere for me to work. We could only bring one car. I’m stuck home alone all freaking day. This is the rudest country I’ve ever been to. I found out I was pregnant in March. I’m miserable. This baby is due on my daughter’s 11 birthday. Are you telling me I can only have kids 11 years apart? I’m homesick. I have morning sickness that’s ridiculous. I lost 150lbs from my surgery. My goal weight was 170. I weighed 155 before I got pregnant due to the fact I couldn’t stop losing. I’m 10 weeks and my weight is down to 142lbs. I can only eat about 3 oz at one time and now I can’t even keep water down. Since I’m not working there goes all our extra income. Now baby expenses. I don’t have any baby things from my first pregnancy. I figured its been ten years…we move a lot. Why drag it to a new place every two years. There is nowhere on post to buy the baby things I’ll need so I will have to find places that ship to an APO or trying finding a person willing to admit they speak English on the economy and overpay for a German version that kinda resembles something I want. No more trips. We were supposed to go to Disneyland Paris this summer…I’m feeling kinda selfish…no I don’t want to do and spend the day watching everyone else have a great ol’ time in France. I’m scared that I’m gonna gain a lot of weight once the morning sickness eases up and that it will just lead to a downhill spiral and I’ll end up 310lbs once again. There isn’t an Army hospital on the post we are at so I have to be seen by a German hospital and doctor. When I go there I ask everyone I have to talk to if they speak English and every single one says “only a little bit” with a smartass smirk on their face. iIkeep having thoughts like…What if this kid isn’t awesome like my other one? What if this baby doesn’t look like me and my daughter? She’s my twinkie? What if there is some crazy reason I need something I don’t have for the baby…like tylenol…at 3am and there aren’t 24hr stores in this country. When I was pregnancy before I already so attached to the baby…this time I feel like it’s a burden. Terrible. I don’t know.
Kris, I felt much of what you just wrote. On top of that way, I also didnt want a “boy”. If i was gonna be pregnant, why not another girl? But my son has arrived and is 8 months old. He is…well…fantastic. I would never in a million years thought i would change into that, but he is perfect and all the motherly stuff came back pretty quick. It washed out once i had him home and was out of the hospital and now I wouldnt go back. I did feel, word for word, like you described. Once you have him/her come back and let me know if anything has changed.
HUGS.
Reading these blogs help me now i am not alone.My daughter is niine and im pregant.So much has changed from ten years ago I am so starrtin over ,im not happ at all..im pist off all day. lol my bf and i only been together 4 months he wanted me to get pregant now that i am he seems distant,it just makes me more deppresed i try to talk to him but he just gets mad i feel alone in this. idk what to do..i dont belive in abortion or adoption. i am very unhappy is this normal?
Its normal! I think many moms and moms to be go through this..its the fear of the unknown, the changing of everything. However, now that my son is here, i can look back and say that things are fine now. He is 7 months old and brings me joy every day. Just know that you feelings now are completly normal.
i just found out i am pregnant with baby number 3 and i am misreable i feel sick i just got certified as a personal trainer and now i have to put my life on hold once again for another child my fiance is a great provider but he is a caveman so i know i will have to take care of three kids by my self i live in a small rental and i hate that we are not married but i only want to get married if i am in shape i am beating my self up while everyone around me is soo happy and i feel so guilty cause i know that there are women out there who are struggling to get pregnant and i am over here hating it i pray that it goes by really quick and that eventually i will feel happy but right now i feel awful.
omg im 24 still in college and just found out im pregnant and all i can do is feel DEPRESSED. after practically raising my 3 younger siblings (who are 9-10 yrs younger then me) i know how stressful and hectic raising children are, and im not excited. i wish i could feel happy but all i can think about are all the things im going to have to give up from now on. i think about the stress of being in school for 5 more months after the baby comes, working throw it all, and having to afford moving into a bigger place as well as caring for the child. my fiance is way sicked as well as all my friends, so y cant i feel good about my situation. i just wish i could go back to my life as a care free, college student, partying, drinking, and living fast and fun. i feel like this is the end of all things fun and the start of all things responsible.
I’ve been repeating the same sentence that you just wrote “I just wish i could go back to my life as a care free, college student….” I just turned 21 in January, I had a TON of plans for my 21st summer, my boyfriend (now husband) was turning 21 in June and we had all sorts of ideas and fun times ahead of us. Then i had to get off birth control because of the reactions to my body (i was on it for about 2 years) and the next thing we know, we’re talking about having a baby. His brother who was 19 was having one, so we thought well if it happens it happens. I was really back and forth with it because i never even planned on being a mother, didn’t want to. Then in March, the test was Positive. I cried for weeks. I can’t drink with all my friends who just turned 21. I cant go to the waterpark, or do anything fun like that. It is selfish and im aware of that. I wish i could be happy, sometimes i am, it helps when i feel him move, but Im not the same. Everyone can tell im more down and quiet now. My husband is so excited, he’s wanted a kid since he was 17 or so. He knows how i feel and he tries to help, but this feeling won’t go away. I feel you and im glad to see im not alone in these thoughts..
I can totally relate. I’m 21 and my third year of college and I just found out I’m pregnant. I feel SO LEFT OUT from all of my friends in school, and the babies father lives in Iowa, I’m not married, and I don’t even really want to be with somebody right now. I don’t really believe in abortion and adoption isn’t sitting well with me at all. I don’t know where I belong and I hope I can make it with this baby and support from its father and his family. I need a silver lining. I hate how I knew my future so well before and now it’s never been more uncertain. I’m scared.
During my pregnancy my husband and I got separated…we didnt work it out till months after our son was born and lived in different houses. It was hard…really hard. But I can tell you without a doubt that all the articles i wrote, how much i didnt want to have more kids….it went away. He is wonderful. And for all the frustration and the building up to it all and the fear…he turned 1 last week and I cant remember before. HUGS mama.
Totally not alone. (Sorry so late commenting)
I felt totally selfish with my last child even though I wanted to have another baby so bad…but damn I sure didnt want to “get fat” again lol.
You’ll love this new baby just as much as charlotte.
You are so not alone. I’ve had my ups and downs with this pregnancy (my second, too). My almost-three-year-old daughter has been the center of our family for so long it’s hard to imagine another baby… but as I’ve progressed in this pregnancy I’ve had more time to get used to the idea, prepare for it, and really get excited about him (a boy this time!). And you know, I can’t WAIT to meet him!
Be prepared for emotional ups and downs, being pregnant is HARD – for me this pregnancy is harder than my first. I’m at the end of mine finally (due date is TOMORROW) and am just so tired of it and ready to have this baby. But it’s been worth it, and I know I can get the weight I gained off again. And maybe this pregnancy and labor will be a terrific experience for you! Especially since you were already in good shape when you got pregnant. 🙂
By the way, I JUST found out you are pregnant and am SO excited for you! I can’t believe I missed this! I’ve been off the board for about a month and then you go and get pregnant. 🙂 Congratulations!
Reading your post brought tears to my eyes because it makes me feel normal! My son (18 mths) and my daughter (3.5 yrs) are absolutely the best ‘thing” I’ve ever done but I certainlly wasn’t convinced of this after my son was born. The stress of a newborn in addition to my daughter going through her REALLY TERRIBLE two’s was almost too much to bear. I cried A LOT. I didn’t think I could feel for my son with the same intensity that I did my daughter…she was my sweet baby girl after all. It did happen AND with the same intensity. I love them both equally, just differently…hard to explain, but it’s an amazing feeling.
The great thing about your situation is that your daughter is older and independent. She can help herself and you! You can reason with your daughter and explain why mommy won’t be able to do all of the little things she once did. She’ll understand and I’m sure she will fall quickly in love with her sibling. These challenging, hyper-vigilant first years won’t last forever and I know I will miss my little babies when all of a sudden they are 8 and 10!
I always felt guilty for somehow taking something away from my daughter when my son was born…my time, my love…she still needed so much of me at 2 years old. 1 1/2 years later they are so very close to one another and I know that whatever it is that I may have taken away from her she has regained hundredfold.
By the way, I just read your old post about little girls in thongs…right on sister!
Wishing you the best.
Wow- reading your story rings so true for me. I work full time from home. I am the mother of 3 boys; ages 16, 10 and 6. I was married for 15 years until my husband left with the team mom from my oldest football team.
I resolved to taking care of my kids and fell in love again; now I’m pregnant with number 4. It was a complete shock. I am 8 weeks and I’ve cried almost every day.
I too, work from home full time and I have everything set. My baby is in school full time and the boys are settled, I just don’t WANT to do it again.
I’m hoping my feelings will change but I’m nervous they won’t.
I know I’m selfish but this is how I feel. 🙁
I’m in for round three and I feel guilty for not being happy about this baby. I have my boy and girl and I wanted this number three, but now that it’s real (I’m 7 weeks) all I can think about are the logistics–who will watch the new baby–I work full-time, stupid lack of closet space, a bigger van, gross a mini van, the sleepless nights and the PPD, which is the scariest of all. I know women who can’t have babies and I feel like a real jerk for not being over the moon. I’m hoping my attitude will improve soon.
Oh, sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I’m sure you’ve heard this from lots of people, but your hormones are SO out of whack right now. Give yourself a break… let yourself feel what you’re feeling and don’t worry.
You have lots of people who love you and will help you out. Yes, it will be some work, but I am sure that Charlotte will be thrilled to help you out with all of it. You will start to feel better (which I am sure lots of people have been telling you, also) so just let it all happen, and let it out.
We are here for you… HUGS!!
First, let me say Congratulations! Babies are such a blessing. Those are all normal thoughts and emotions you are going through right now and don’t let anyone tell you differently. Have you told Charlotte?
I didn’t think that I could love my second, like I loved my first and the second you look at them, you just do. It’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever experience. You will be fine and just FYI: It’s impossible for you to be fat!
I imagine you will get more excited as the pregnancy continues. I do get the part about being so used to doing things yourself (and your other child being pretty much self-sufficient – not constant monitoring at least lol). There are probably lots of women who feel this way. There will be big changes, but it will all work out 🙂
I wanted to get pregnant with my second then when it happened I was so upset. I prayed that it wasn’t real and that I waasn’t really pregnant. I wasn’t happy about it until, I almost lost him during birth. That was the moment that I wanted him more than anything and now my life is amazing with my daughter and my son.
I feel like a bad mom for having those feelings, but you get used to your life being a certain way and change is hard if not impossible feeling sometimes. Hugs, we’re here for you!
Hi, I felt or feel the same way u did. I’m due 11/09/11 n I wanted to have another child
but I’m not happy and at times I wished that I was not pregnant that I’m not going to
love this baby the way I love my daughter now 4. I’m happy to know that I’m not alone
but this has also been putting a lot of stress on my relationship to where I don’t even
want him around. This pregnancy has been really hard emotionally and physically I just hope it all changes n things get back to normal once he’s here.
Of course you’re not alone. We all go through these thoughts and emotions. #3 was a total surprise for us and I have to admit I cried. We had just decided that we were happy with our two girls and I had just started on a weight loss plan. I really wanted a nice family photo for Christmas when suddenly all my plans went out the window. And even now, although I love my son there are days I tell myself it would have been so much easier if we’d only had one or even two. Sure it’s a little selfish thinking on my part but I also think it’s completely natural. You’ll get through it! (hugs)
We all go through this, I know I did with my daughter after having my son who was 5 years old when I had her. But trust me, the love doubles. You have so much love it’s crazy. And about getting fat, you’ll lose it even if you have to work hard at getting it off. Your going through a lot right now and your hormones are going crazy. Hang in there, it will be ok!
You are definitely not alone. I cried when I found out I was pregnant the last time. I cried when I took all my son’s decorations and wall hangings down from his room to move him into a room with his big brother. I had a really difficult time accepting (and being happy) about it. It really helps to talk to people…no matter how much you don’t want to or feel like you’ll be judged. I felt horrible saying “I don’t want another child” out loud when I was pregnant…and had no one to really talk to (or so I thought). {Hugs} Let me know if you need a shoulder to lean on.
I wanted to add that I am totally and utterly in love with ALL my kiddos….and even though I questioned it God had a plan and a reason…and I’m so thankful for that now.
You are totally not alone. My last child (which was born in 2008) was not planned and I was not thrilled at all when I found out. I don’t like being pregnant and I don’t like being fat. I am glad that I did have him though, because I had always wanted a son.
I think every parent worries that they aren’t going to love #2 as much as they love #1. After he/she is here, you will wonder how you ever could have thought that.
I was devastated when I was pregnant with number 3. My second child was only 7 months old and I did not want to be pregnant again. I cried all of the time, hated my husband and hated every moment of the pregnancy. When I found out I was having a girl, things got worse because I had two boys and didn’t think I could parent a girl. I was wrong on all counts. I’m so glad I have my little girl, even though it was really hard to have them so close together.
Gaining weight sucks. 🙁
When we got pregnant this time with #3 it was a surprise, and I have had days where I’ve thought about the birth and recovery process and just thought, “wow, I am just not ready to do that again!” It made me kind of tired to think about it, especially in those first trimester days when I was tired already. Then for a while I couldn’t even believe I was pregnant, even after hearing the heartbeat. Now I am 28 weeks along and I’m over those feelings.
I think it helps that most women are more active during a second (or third, etc) pregnancy (playing with the first child) and for me at least, the weight gain was not really an issue except for the first time. Changing my attitude towards pregnancy played a big part in helping me feel better while pregnant. My OB the first time just sort of shrugged off the entire topic of nutrition, but the second time I had a midwife who asked me at every visit how I was doing nutritionally. She had nutritional/exercise suggestions for the issues I was having. Have you considered taking a childbirth class, even if you already took one last time? We just started Hypnobabies this month and I really like it. I’m high-strung and get stressed out so easily, and it helps me relax. I realize the name might sound corny, but it has not disappointed me. Anyway, I’d highly recommend taking a class–and not the hospital one. There is a big difference. I hope you feel better soon. Pregnancy is full of ups and downs, and some parts, like nesting, are awesome!
Your gonna be fine! All of those thoughts are completely normal! I wouldn’t call it selfishness as much as fear of the unknown. If I were you I’d live it up until the baby comes. Don’t spend your days wasting this season with worry. When the new season comes you will embrace it and it will change your life.
You are an amazing mom, and things will be different this time. You have an older daughter to help/dote on the baby! You know she’s going to be an amazing sister! I am so excited for you! As far as loving another, you will be amazed.
lol you sound so hormonal. Gotta love Pregnancy. I was a bit shocked about the not knowing if you can love this child as much as you love your 1st comment but… I guess maybe that may enter someone’s head. I just know that every time i was pregnant I always had happy thoughts … of course it made it much harder when I was throwing up or feeling nausea but the 2nd you lay your eyes on that little one… you’ll just know that you love that child as much as you love life. That has to be the same way you feel about your daughter.
It will all work out and you’ll be a great mom and you’ll have all kinds of time to take care of everyone and even if you don’t it doesn’t matter. BUT just think of this … Charlotte is going to be the bestest big sister on the planet and she’ll be a great help to you too. I hope you video tape her reaction when you tell her.
((hugs)) Trisha this is all my biggest fear with getting pregnant again. I think you’re going to do just fine. Obviously it’s okay to feel this way and IMO you have every right to say you’re feeling this way. It’s YOU’RE body and who says you can’t say you know I HATE this, this, and this about being pregnant or I have this, this, and this amount of fears about things. It’s normal to feel this way. Also if I could just skip labor all together I’d be a happy camper LOL. That’s the only thing I am NOT looking forward to when we get pregnant again.
When I found out I was pregnant again with my 3rd child, I cried every day for the first 3 months. It was not that I didn’t want that child, it was that I did not want to be pregnant again. I didn’t want to go through nine more months of it. I didn’t want to do the 2 am feedings, the diaper changing, the baby puking on me all the time, I just didn’t want to. But I got through it and my daughter has been a joy to me for 36 years.
For me those feelings of WTH was I doing didn’t cross my mind until I got home after delivering my daughter. I had my first child when I was a sophomore in high school and swore I would not have another child because I could not love another the way I loved my son. My children are 11 years apart so it was like having my first child all over again. I remember coming home from the hospital & I just feeling like OMG I went from having an 11 year old who was able to do everything to a newborn that I was completely responsible for. That feeling lasted an entire day, thank God! My son is now 21 & daughter 10, I am happy to say that even though they are 11 years apart they are so close & love each other to pieces. Now I look forward to my sisters having babies because I can give them back when I want to take a nap, run out for an errand or just lay on my sofa watching movies all day long. 😉
Good Luck everything happens for a reason, you will snap back in no time.
Mama duke’s of a Mini Diva
NO. You are not alone. Although I am one of those obnoxious people who loved being pregnant I can totally see where you’re coming from.
Just give yourself time. Don’t be to harsh on yourself.
Oh, and you will love the new little one just as much as you love Charlotte. I had the same worries (my two are four years apart) and your love just doubles-it’s like you grow a second heart or something.
Of course you’re not alone even though it may seem that way. I’ve got three kids about 4 years apart in age so I totally get where you’re coming from with not having to get up every 3 hours to feed ’em, change diapers, wipe noses, etc. plus I was one of the those people who HATED being pregnant in the first place! My BFF, was the total opposite of me. I would end up pregnant a few months after she would have her baby…all. three. times! Weird, I know. She’s all gushy about wishing to be pregnant again, feeling the miracle of life grow inside her and all that kind of crap. The whole time, I’m thinking: this sucks, I’m getting fat, I can’t move, I’m not comfortable, I have to pee ALL. THE. TIME…well you get the idea. She’s the au-natura’l birthing lady w/no drugs or epidural. Me? I was like: “Give me the drugs NOW!” so yeah, I understand the guilt thing. My BFF’s attitude about being pregnant only made me feel worse about how I felt about being pregnant. It’s not like she was trying to make me feel bad but it got pretty bad until they put my baby in my arms. All the fear, anxiety and depression melted away. I’m sure the same will happen for you to sweetie. {{{{hugs}}}}
I thought all those feeling with my first and second child. No you aren’t alone darlin. 🙂
No, you’re not alone at all. I’m sure every mother in the world has had at least one or more of the thoughts you’re having. I’d also fall back on the tried and true “it’s your hormones” but I know that there could be more to it than that. I don’t have any real advice for you on this other than to tell you you’re not alone and if the feelings don’t start getting better, perhaps you should see your doctor. Good luck! Big HUG!
Don’t worry girl. You got 9 long months to sort through your feelings. It will all work out.
So I don’t talk about it much because it all worked out and I have some residual guilt for the feelings I had, but I actually scheduled a termination for my third pregnancy. My oldest was not even 2 yet and my son was only 5 months old. In the end, I couldn’t go through with it, but the thought of having a 21/2 year old, a 15 month old and a newborn scared the crap out of me. Add to it the fact that I was on the mini pill and nursing and my hormones were totally out of control. I won’t pretend it’s been easy, there were days I fantasized about just up and leaving all of them behind, but it’s definitely been worth it. I love all of my children with every fiber of my being, but I love them all so differently. Hannah was my first love. I love my husband, but not head over heels, unconditional type love, it was different. When Hannah was born I would stare at her for hours and tears would come to my eyes just thinking about how much I loved her even through colic! Zach was different. It was almost as if he knew he had alot to live up to and he was the absolute most laid back low maintenance baby ever. He slept through the night at 4 weeks, he was potty trained, on his own, I never trained him, at 18 months. Then came Paige….I just can’t describe how much she has added to our lives. Of all my children, she is the one with the most zest for life, the most joy in her nature. I absolutely believe everything happens for a reason and that unplanned surprise pregnancy forced us to realize that we can’t control everything, and we shouldn’t. Nature has a funny way of not giving you what you want, but giving you what you need. You won’t love both children the same, they are different people and you’ll love them differently. You will, though, love them with your whole heart! If you need anything at all, feel free to ask!
You are not alone – I actually felt EXACTLY the same way with my 3rd even although we had always planned 3 but didn’t expect it to be then…. I didn’t have the guts to voice it but I think it is normal. My oops is now 5 and I wouldn’t trade her for anything. You have plenty of time to get used to the idea and all of your fears will fade in time!
I think everything you’re feeling is pretty normal for a surprise pregnancy, or maybe even a planned one. It’s the shock. I went through it 3 times and stressed periodically throughout each of the pregnancies. But then everything kinda worked itself out after the babies were born.
I will admit, I have no idea how I’d react or feel if I was pregnant in my 30’s though. I’ve always known in my mind that no matter what happened, whether I got married or not, whatever the circumstances, I wouldn’t be having children past my 20’s.
You’re a strong woman Trisha, you just need time to adjust to the idea that your life is about to change yet again and you’ll find love in your heart that you never knew existed.
You are NOT alone. I felt this way with baby #3. I felt like I was doing my daughter (who was much, MUCH younger than Charlotte) a disservice by having another baby so close to her still being a baby. I felt like I wasn’t ready and that I wanted more time between them (uh yeah… nature had other plans). I let myself get depressed and did not help at all. I hadn’t even lost all the weight from her and here I was again! It was a crazy stressful time. I can’t tell you what to do or how to feel except to say don’t wallow in it. Try to find the happiness in it and use that to get you through when feel unhappy. I wish I would have done that more instead of letting the wallowing eat me up.
I may be just another reader but if you ever need a sounding board, I’ll be here.
You are not alone, Trisha. It’s natural to feel this way. My wife and I let 4 years come between our children and we had long talks about whether we really wanted a second child. we decided in the end to just let nature take its course and had our second child.
Just lean on all of us for support and we’ll help you through.