Home > Lifestyle > How Divorce Affects Children’s Future Relationships

How Divorce Affects Children’s Future Relationships

When spouses divorce, they solve such critical questions in their opinion as to the separation of common property or custody. But in this process, there is something more important that is often ignored. And this is the emotional state of the child. Children experience the divorce of their parents even more than husband and wife. A lot of things that were so familiar are changing in their lives, and they are not always ready to adapt to new conditions. Many children consider themselves to be the cause of divorce, even if the parents told them that it’s not true. Marriage dissolution dramatically affects the emotional state of the child and his future life.

Divorce affects children differently, depending on the relationship of the parents. If the termination is contested and spouses behave like enemies, it is extreme pressure on the child, because he wants to please both parents. Quite often, children cannot cope with their emotions, especially when parents are fully involved in litigation, which makes the kid feel unnecessary. Also, the way that parents chose to end a marriage dramatically influences the child’s future attitude towards love and marriage.

A baby comes to this world without any skills and knowledge, and he gains all that baggage of experience and information thanks to parents. Father and mother show a baby this life and ways to act in it. Based on the marriage experience of the parents, the child adopts their behavioral pattern. Observing how the parents treat each other, the teen subconsciously considers this the only correct family model. If the spouses quarreled and struggled throughout their marriage, the child will create a family in the future with the same problems. If the couple understood and respected each other, the child will follow their example and also build a healthy relationship.

Children of divorced parents future relationship

Tennessee State University in association with Onlinedivorce conducted a study in Tennessee among people whose parents divorced while they were children. The results suggest that individuals who have survived a separation also behave in the same way in future relationships. Moreover, the researchers found that children make precisely the same mistakes as their parents.

When a person who has survived a parent’s divorce enters a relationship or gets married, it forces him to form conflict resolution mechanisms. And then the memory begins to remember those models that already exist in the head. Divorce is the only way to resolve a conflict that a child has seen. Therefore, all his future relationships have a high risk of failure.

It is because children learn about relationships through the example of their parents in the process of growing up and later in life. The child will repeat the steps and mistakes of his parents, just because he does not know other behaviors.

Another interesting study on how divorce affects children’s future relationship was conducted at the National Institute for Health. The study involved 16-year-olds, who were faced with a separation of parents. The same children were interviewed again when they were already 32. This was an opportunity for researchers to analyze a model of the behavior of kids in adulthood who experienced a traumatic event.

The study showed that children mostly choose the parent model of behavior in their relationship or never marry. Which again confirms the fact that children inherit the example of their parents. However, a study in Finland revealed a key feature. Among the interviewed people, women in later life suffered much more than men. This may be because girls have seen how hard their mothers live are after the divorce and how they suffer. Mother’s behavior imposed strong marks on their subsequent perception of relationships. Also, the lack of a strong man in the family affects the relationship of the child.

If the mother could not marry again or build a family with a strong man, this will affect the girl’s future life. In the process of growing up, when the formation of personality occurs, the child needs strong support and protection, in the role of which the family usually acts. But what does the girl see after the divorce? A suffering mother and lack of male power. This leaves a strong imprint on the future life of the child, forcing her to do the same things as her parents. Because the girl lived in this model of behavior and she does not know how to act in other conditions.

However, this does not mean that divorce does not affect boys. Different studies show that in the future life, a man who has experienced a divorce in childhood, become aggressive and prone to violence towards his partner. Besides, boys who live in a defective family, where there is only a mother, but no father, are inclined to a more feminine manifestation of their essence.

How to protect children in case of divorce

Many studies have been conducted on how divorce affects children later life. And unfortunately, the results are disappointing. Children who survived parental divorce have many problems with relationships in adulthood. And then what to do? Do not get divorced? Staying in an unhappy marriage is not a solution either. Because individuals who grew up in a family where parents didn’t love each other and were in conflict, also have many problems with relations.

An unhappy marriage affects a child no less than a divorce. Seeing the quarrels of the parents, the child becomes more aggressive and uncontrolled, and he begins to have problems with behavior and performance at school. Such teens often fall into bad companies. Besides, the child is continuously in nervous tension, which adversely affects his health and can develop into a crisis.

Conflicts between parents and quarrels are what the child sees all the time. Based on this, he forms his model of behavior that copies the mutual relations of parents. So a child who grew up in an unhappy marriage also cannot build healthy relationships in the future.

For a baby to become a happy person and create a normal family in the future, he should see an example of healthy relationships. If, after the divorce, the child remains to live with the mother, then she should make every effort so that a strong man appears in their lives, who will take responsibility for the family. If, after the separation, the child will live with the father, then the father needs to find a woman who will take care of him and the kid.

Another important feature is that after a divorce, the main custodian should not forbid the child to communicate with the second parent. The kid must understand that he still has both mom and dad, and they are always ready to support him. Husband and wife should maintain an amicable behavior in the process and after the dissolution. This does not mean that they should be friends, but respect for each other and not an obstacle to communication with the child are key factors.

Besides, parents should pay the baby a lot of attention and share his interests so that the child does not feel abandoned or unnecessary. Even if parents are divorced, they should show by their example that in any case, it is possible to build healthy relationships.

Divorce is a huge change in life for both spouses and children. It leaves a mark on everything that happens after. However, divorce is not a sentence. And even after going through this challenging period, it is possible to build a happy relationship in the future. Mainly strongly, parents’ separation affects the behavior of children and their psyche. And once the marriage is broken, parents must make every effort to surround the child with warmth and care. Even in the conditions of post-divorce, there is an opportunity to grow up a happy person who in later life will be able to create a healthy relationship.